It's Golden Globes weekend, which means this recaper has been running around LA like a chicken with its head cut off, so Sigourney Weaver's return to "SNL" is going to be a bit abbreviated in this space. Instead of the traditional rundown, we're gonna highlight the best and the worst of the latest installment of the 90-minute institution.
Sigourney Weaver's Monologue
Weaver, making her second hosting stint, remarks how she always plays "strong, independent, fierce bitches" but, "I'm actually a wimp. I hate scary movies. I remember when I saw 'Aliens' I screamed for two straight hours. I lied, I peed." After talking to "big fan" Kristen Wiig -- "Are you an alien?" she remarks about her heritage as the daughter of former NBC President Pat Weaver (true!). "I used to run around these halls. My father actually created the Tonight Show. I did. I found his original memo.
It describes the idea behind the "Tonight Show' as "A light, entertaining program to air at night before people go to sleep. the last thing anyone wants is any conflict or controversy."
With a wink and a smile, Weaver ends with, "Dad was a visionary."
Grade: B+ Honestly, the best summation of the whole Leno/O'Brien drama right there. Wanna place bets she wrote it herself?
Grady Wilson's Fifty and Freaky
Grady Wilson (Keenan Thompson) is back! With a brand new sex tape! Here ar some of the choice new moves he's got in store for you:
The Caramel Apple ("Dip it out"). The Sprinkler("tick, tick, tick") The Sneezing Crap (achoo, achoo, achoo). The Sun Is In My Eyes ("The Sun is in my eyes! Close the drapes!"). The James Bond ("That's a license to freak").
He then introduces Marta (Weaver) who has some female sex moves to keep the magic going:
The Egg Peatter("You beat it. I beat it"). The Washing Machine ("Oh, let's wash these clothes"), The Brandy Snifter ("Good brandy"). The Jackhammer ("Be sure to put on your hard hat! Yes, I am repairing my sidewalk") The Old Well ("Oh, I'm thirsty. Here comes to the water!"). The Lawnower ("Cut my grass, cut it"). And the Old TV ("Any picture yet? No. Any picture yet? I'm starting to see something").
Grade: A-. Weaver's inclusion made this work -- big time. Don't be surprised to see the "good brandy" line become a water cooler topic of conversation
James Cameron's Laser Cats 5
James Cameron appears in "SNL" producer Lorne Michaels' office.
Cameron: "I will cut to the chase. I'm ready for my next project."
Michaels: "If you are behind it, I'll put it on the air."
Ruh-roh. It's Hader and Samberg with another "Laser Cats" -- Cameron style!
You can watch the clip below, but all you really need to know is:
- Weaver is back as Ripley.
- Cute kittens shoot lasers.
- There is an "Avatar" tie in.
- It includes the most random "Titanic" nod ever.
Grade: B. Not amazing, but certainly inspired. Still, we might need to end this whole "Laser Cats" thingy.
ESPN Classic with Pete Twinkle and Greg Sting
Pete Twinkle (Sudeikis) and history's worst color commentator Greg Sting (Will Forte) are back to cover the exciting world of Ladies darts. But honestly, this whole skit is just about Twinkle's callouts to sponsor Summer's Eve. Enjoy.
Twinkle: "Summer's Eve - when something's gong wrong and it's the smell of your thong."
Sting: "I wouldn't put darts anywhere near a vagina."
Twinkle: "When your man's in a coma from your panty aroma. Summer's Eve. Douche."
Twinkle: "When your situation down south makes him breathe through his mouth. Summer's Eve. Douche."
Twinkle: "Speaking of fish, Summer's Eve. We'll be right back."
Grade: B. Getting a tad old, but a few good laughs out of it.
Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno on Larry King
"SNL's big chance to make smart and funny commentary on the Leno/O'Brien fiasco has the duo appearing on the Larry King show where King (Armisten) dominates the conversation as he asks the stupid questions you can only get from...Larry King. Darryl Hammond stops by to play Leno (eh, OK) and Bill Hader is a weak O'Brien (no personality which isn't really the truth). King's solution to the whole mess? "Time Machine." Halfway through, Jason Sudeikis shows up as David Letterman via satellite and plays him like Jack Nicholson's the Joker from the first "Batman." Oh, and for good measure, Will Forte appears as Carson Daly at the end. Seems like he was off camera the whole time.
Grade: D. Why is this skit all about King? And if Armisen's impression is so bad, why even use this construct to comment about the week's biggest entertainment news story?
Disco Booty Junction
Which member of the disco duo is Amber or Cream? Who cares.
Grade: D. Frustrating for both Keenan Thompson's character and viewers too.
Meyers jokes on Sarah Palin's move to Fox News are dated and lame compared to Daily Show (surprise).
Meyers makes NBC's Leno/O'Brien fiasco all about him (sigh).
Larry the goose (Andy Samberg) remembers the Hudson River crash that killed so many geese (painful and unnecessary).
Meryl Streep (no idea who it is) plays humble and drinks lots of wine and wins a Best Hummus and Best Update Oscars (lame and bad impression).
Um, that's it.
Grade: C. The Red Cross call out for donations to Haiti's tragedy is the only thing that saved it from a D.
Hader plays Jake from Avatar. He goes into his body and begins to have intimate contact with the Na'vi. Yeesh.
Grade C. This was all they could think of for an "Avatar" spoof? Jesus, Cameron and Weaver should have nixed this themselves.
Riley (Fred Armisen) is Jake's new friend. He's a flaming queen, er, young boy who keeps saying "bitch."
Grade: C. This is like the third "gay" character Armisen has done that really skirts the line between caricature and offensive. This writer is starting to lose patience with this trend.
Sigourney on the internet
Playing herself, we discover Sigourney is obsessed with googling herself on the internet. Sort of lame, but it was nice to hear her say, "I'm Sigourney 'freakin' Weaver."
Fire and Rice
Jessica Fire (Weaver) and Donte Rice (Bobby Moniyhan) are a musical duo. And Fire freaks out about being so high above the ground as she sings on top of the piano.
Grade: C. Although Weaver acts her way through it, but there was a reason it was the last skit. Very. Last. Skit.
That's it peeps!
And on a side note, Google trends went crazy after the Ting Tings performance of "That's Not My Name." The electronic pop duo may have won over a ton of new fans with their performance on the show...playing two songs that came out...two years ago. That's right America, we're way behind the times.
Overall: Weaver made most of the material better than it was on paper. The rest of the show? Let's hope it doesn't stop her from ever getting another Academy Award nomination.
We'll be back Jan. 30 with Jon Hamm's return to "SNL." Yippee.
What did you think of this weekend's "SNL"? Share yoru thoughts below.