Ryan Kwanten of 'True Blood'
To quote the late George Harrison, here comes the sun, do do do do. And it’s not all right, Jessica. Get away from the door! God knows you couldn’t survive two minutes in the sun even if you were still a human and slathered in SPF 50! Oh no! Don’t die, Jessica!
Not to fear: Antonia’s sunshine curse is strong, but Jason’s instincts are stronger, and he arrives at Vampire Bill’s mansion just in time to save Jessica from some serious fifth-degree burns. She rewards Jason with a kiss -- on the lips. Then another. Then with some serious gittin’ it on right there in the kingly vampire foyer. The two look well on their way to makin’ some quasi-vamp babies when Vampire Bill starts shrieking for someone to please pay attention to him. Jessica and Jason break it up and head down to Bill’s sanctum, where Jessica is bound up in silver all over again. After all, Marnie is still out there, and it’s still daylight. Do do do do.
While tucking Jessica back in, Jason spots the dead security guard lying outside Vampire Bill’s self-made prison. Bill convinces Jason to hush that up. In exchange, Jason may leave alive.
Apparently the head of the local werewolf Kiwanis Club has gotten wind of the vampire-on-witch wars, and he wants no part of it, no sir. He speechifies to his fellow werewolves that none of them critters is a match for no vampire. From now on, the werewolves shall be the Switzerland of this conflict. Then he throws a barbecue.
Luna apparently blames Sam for not knowing that his brother Tommy was a horny skinwalker. But then she gets over it in an equally logical fashion and invites him in to play with her daughter, Emma.
Eric Northman needs some food. It’s still day, though, meaning that Antonia’s sunshine spell is still full-on. Would some of Sookie’s cantaloupe blood hit the spot? Well duh! As a precaution, Sookie grabs some silver and keeps in handy, just in case Eric wants to suck the whole melon. But the step is unwarranted. In fact, Eric offers her some of his own blood in return.
Ooh! Jessica’s having a dream sequence!
Night falls. Jessica returns to her loving hunk of beef jerky, and she breaks the bad news: She’s dumping him. Hoyt insists he will die without her. Is this foreshadowing? Will the ranks of the undead soon be joined by another baby vamp? Or -- ouch, maybe worse. Jessica gets steamed and slams Hoyt’s head against a table. Hard. Blood splatters everywhere.
Jason is waiting for her in his truck, ready to git it on ...
End dream sequence. Poor Jessica is still in the vampire hoosegow, waiting for Antonia to forget about the vampires and find some other supernatural race to harass.
Now it’s finally night, for real. Andy Bellefleur and Jason arrive at the home of Beulah Carter the clandestine vampire, who recently fried in the sun. The V-addled Bellefleur wants to lick her right off the driveway. Mrs. Fortenberry is there, too, kibbitizing with a news reporter. King Vampire Bill arrives and glamours the reporter into taking his prepared statement. He puts his own spin on recent events: Anti-vampire discrimination is the reason for this “vampire suicide.”
Oooh, Antonia is peeeeeessed. Beulah Carter was the only vampire who got melted. Antonia tells Tara that all vampires must die and promises to teach Tara how to pull it off.
Bill horns in on Marnie and Tara from his fabulous kingly limo. He apologizes, several times, for all this violent business. He makes a bid for a truce. He points out that many vampires respect all life. He wants to meet, just the two of them.
Remember how Alan Ball recently promised us a shower scene between Sookie and Eric? Here it is! They touch each other all over, high on each other’s blood. Instead of water, they see snow. And a forest! And in the middle of a forest is a bed with embroidered 800-thread-count sheets and animal pelts of dubious origin! And the sun is out at the same time! It’s a vampire fairy-fueled lovemaking fantasy land!
Oh, no. Tommy’s still around, and still up to no good. He breaks into Mrs. Fortenberry’s and steals her clothes, clearly intending to masquerade as her.
Alcide and Debbie are at the werewolf BBQ and it’s right nice. A scrum erupts between werewolf pups, and Alcide breaks it up. Debbie looks turned on, and packmaster Marcus praises Alcide’s ability to keep peace. He also notes that Alcide could be an alpha one day if he wanted it. Later, as they’re leaving the party, Debbie reminds Alcide: No more brooding about Sookie, she’s caught up in that vampire-witch war, we’re Switzerland.
Terry Bellefleur is babysitting the demon baby at Merlotte’s when Arlene comes in to do some yellin’. The mysterious French-speaking pretty ghost lady arrives again back there, just as Lafayette walks in. Once again, Lafayette sees her, and she sees that he sees her. Quelle confusion!
Tommy makes for a rather disheveled Maxine Fortenberry, but, for the record, he’s oddly good with makeup, and with the rather treacherous task of applying false eyelashes. As Maxine, he cuts a deal with the natural gas company guy, but it’s for much less than he was hoping for.
Jessica arrives back home, for real this time. And she breaks up with him, for real this time. Hoyt accuses her of sleeping with someone else and chews her out and says horribly mean things, including, but not limited to, the fact that she is, technically, a perpetual virgin. He rescinds her invitation to stay in his home, and she goes flying out of there.
Eric and Sookie return to reality and discuss their love for the 40th time. Eric suggests that they flit away on the fairy wings of said love, but Sookie insists that they stick around and fight the witches. Eric isn’t too keen. Sookie insists again. Eric says he wants to remain with Sookie, forever.
“There’s no such thing as forever,” Sookie replies. Well, there could be; is there such a thing as a vampire-fairy hybrid? (Perhaps a Nos-fairy-atu? Thank you! I’ll be here all week! Try the veal!) Finally, they agree to present themselves to His Majesty and pledge to help him win the War O’ the Witches, even if it means their own lives.
Lafayette goes to sleep. The pretty French-singing lady appears in his dream, carrying the doll that the demon baby has now. The dream is a flashback to the lady’s life. The lady arrives at her home to learn that her own baby is dead, killed at the hands of her lover.
Then the spirit of the woman enters Lafayette. He’s happy and Creole now.
Luna and Sam and Emma are eating dinner when -- oh no. Guess who Emma’s dad is: None other than werewolf alpha Marcus. He’s much pissier than he was back at the werewolf barbecue. We also learn Marcus has a parole officer. Nice. But Marcus leaves before we can see Sam turn into a shark or some such.
Newly single Jessica goes over to Jason’s house. She informs him that she is free as a bird, an undead bird. But Jason kicks her out. Bro’s before vampire hoes.
Lafayette is still infested with the Creole lady when he shows up at the Bellefleurs’ place. Lafayette creeps past a dozing Andy, grabs a gun out of a holster, and scoops up the demon baby.
Bill meets at the pre-arranged meetin’ place to parlay with Antonia. He’s backed by Team Sookie. Antonia is backed by Team Tara. Pam is there, too. (Aw, poor Pam. Take heart, honey. Sure, you’re Louisiana’s ugliest vampire, but then again, Marnie’s curse also made you the state hottest zombie, am I right? Feel better? No?)
Bill offers a pretty sweet deal -- true death for any vamp who bothers her people from now on -- but Antonia doesn’t buy it. Under the guise of parlay, she starts to cast a spell in her mind. But Sookie catches wind of it and warns Bill. Eric rips out a random witch’s throat. Antonia ripostes with a fog spell. Everybody starts running around in the dark. Pam corners Tara and is ready to kill her when Bill stops her.
So much for Switzerland. Alcide sprints to Sookie’s place, followed by Debbie in wolf form. King Bill gets hit in the face with silver. Antonia hexes Eric all over again. And Sookie gets shot. She hears the kind of fairy music you hear when you die, but then Alcide rescues her while a very pissed Debbie looks on.
Just what is Antonia mumbling over Eric’s head now? We’ll have to wait until next week to find out.
What'd you think of Sunday's episode?
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