Team Vampire on 'True Blood'
When we last left Team Vampire, they were walking four abreast in slick black outfits loaded up with war gear, which usually means that Alan Ball is planning a very expensive explosion on the backlot. Now, as the new episode begins, Bill helpfully offers some exposition: Just in case you all forgot, we’re here to kill the witch inside the emporium.
Inside said microwave-wall-reinforced cult prison, Antonia totally swears that anyone can leave whenever they want. Then she kills Casey, a girl who tries to leave. It would be an inexcusable turn of events, except that Antonia commits this killing with a flying dagger. A flying dagger that she doesn’t even touch! It’s a shame that Marnie has to be the Michelle Forbes of this season. Even Michelle Forbes couldn’t make knives fly.
Nonetheless, Antonia is pissed about Marnie’s latest killing. She vomits herself out of Marnie’ and scolds her bodily host. Lafayette can see the whole thing with his sudden medium-ness. Then Marnie swallows Antonia again, with feeling this time. Apparently this isn’t like the other times that Marnie ate Antonia. This, we are told, is real bad.
Outside the compound, Team Vampire is still preparing to raise some hell when Jason reminds the crowd that precious Sookie is in there. Eric apparently has forgotten this and now wants to abort the mission. But there’s still a microwave wall, so nobody does anything right now.
Instead, Jessica and Jason talk about their recent sexual goings-on. They are interrupted by Antonia’s brainwashed pet vampires. Fangs flash.
Sam Merlotte is on the warpath, eager for blood vengeance over the murder of his brother, Tommy. Sam and Alcide crack some heads at the werewolf hangout, looking for the whereabouts of Marcus, when Luna storms in. Emma has been kidnapped! Probably by Marcus! Just then, Emma horns in on them, and Luna learns that the kid is at Alcide’s.
Marcus, as it turns out, is trying to get Debbie to be his personal bitch. Not in a sexist way, silly, in a canine way! They’re werewolves! We can say that! Anyway, Debbie ain’t bitin’. She won’t go nowhere with Marcus no how, even though Marcus promises to get Debbie off the V for good. The magical way to for a werewolf to get clean is, apparently, by Debbie and Marcus having kids. Debbie is all torn even though she says she still loves Alcide.
Like oh my God! Casey, the day player who got the flying knife to the chest, is still alive! Ha! Psych! No she isn’t! But that’s what Jesus says to get some time alone with Lafayette to plan an escape from the emporium. Meanwhile, Holly and Sookie try to reason with whatever Marnie is left inside their new David Koresh. Antonia says she’s ready to negotiate, which means she totally is not.
Andy is all pissed because he’s alone in the woods at night. Fairy lights emerge and a fairy lady stands before him. She’s the one barging in on him, but apparently she doesn’t get that, and she knocks Andy out with her fairy hands. She’s real sorry, though. In fact she finds Andy quite handsome and introduces herself as Mirella. He swears to protect her before they git it on right there in the nature.
Team Vampire has defeated Antonia’s pets with all the dispatch that TV
writers can supply. Antonia emerges under the pretense of parlay. She wipes out her surviving pet vampire by throwing her against her microwave sun wall. Bill and Eric take turns yelling, “Let the girl go!” because apparently Sookie is the only important person in this whole standoff. Antonia demands that Bill and Eric kill themselves in exchange for Sookie going free. Bill is all, sure. Sookie is all, no! Pam is ordered to shoot the vamps, but instead she gets out a rocket launcher and tries to breach the sun wall with it. No dice.
Luna, Alcide and Sam bust into Debbie’s room, where Marcus is still prowling. Sam offers to fight Marcus mano a mano, no shifting. But what about us? We want Mechgator vs. Sharkatron! Dammit. Instead it’s just Marcus fighting Sam, and Alcide fighting off Debbie, and no one is even taking their shirts off. Sam beats up Marcus real good, but it’s Alcide who breaks his neck and finishes him off. Debbie is standing there OMGing in her underwear. She has some explaining to do. Alcide has his own monologue at this point; apparently werewolves dump each other in this manner. Debbie is officially sad.
Jesus decides to use the body of the dead cultist, Casey, as a weapon against Antonia. He also warns Lafayette that things are about to get real. Jesus wipes the dead girl’s blood on himself and tastes it and cuts on himself and wraps himself in the green Macy’s scarf of the damned. Meanwhile, Antonia uses another puddle of blood to see that her death is in the offing. She announces that everybody is likely to die and it’s time to join hands. Even Sookie joins in.
Jason is hurt badly by the impact of the rocket launcher on the sun wall, but Jessica heals him with her blood. Then Antonia starts her spell. Everybody from Team Vampire moves around like a backup dancer form the Thriller video for a second. They are all dragged toward the microwave wall. Sookie figures it out and uses her sunshine hands to break up the spell circle. Marnie punishes Sookie by surrounding her in a wall of fire.
Deus ex diabolo! Jesus has finished summoning his inner demon, literally. The demon has a bone in his nose and earrings from Forever 21 and looks awesome. The demon exorcises Antonia from Marnie, for good this time. The sun wall vanishes. The ring of fire goes dark. Team Vampire rushes inside ready to kill something. They start off by snuffing Marnie’s favorite cult member. Then they put a bullet in Marnie’s head.
His business with Marcus concluded, Sam emerges from Alcide’s house to bring the bad news: Emma, your daddy is sort of a dead dog.
Andy arrives back at the Casa de Bellefleur and announces to Arlene that he has made love to a fairy woman of mysterious origin. Arlene -- even though she has a demon baby who attracted a Cajun ghost named Mavis -- believes none of Andy’s tale. She reminds Andy that the very real Holly would like a piece of what the imaginary fairy had.
Eric glamours Antonia’s cult members to forget everything and get them fresh for next season. Jessica brings Jason a glass of water and her hair looks perfect despite this nonsense with the rocket launcher.
In bed, Jesus and Lafeyette discuss this past episode’s events. Lafayette concludes that all’s well that ends well, which means that Jesus is about to get possessed by a spirit. Oh, bad call, recap monkey! In the end, it’s Lafayette who is infused with the personality of the recently deceased Marnie!
What'd you think of Sunday's episode?
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