If I think of Lafayette, he will appear. If I think of Lafayette, he will appear. 

Dammit, it's just Sam, the shape-shiftin' sacrifice. We've had, what, six episodes of True Blood Season Two and we've gotten a lower percentage of Lafayette per episode than the juice content of a bottle of Orangina. Then again, the show writers have pretty much hamstrung Lafayette's character and turned him circumspect and sad and even a little boring. Maybe he should just stay rare.

[Recap for Sunday (August 2) night's "True Blood" after the break...]

Oh yay. Sam is busting loose from his bindings at the hands of Mary-Ann. The whole party of naked people just got really mad. Wow, did you know Sam could turn into an owl and escape any situation? Neither did we, but now Mary-Ann is totally pissed. And LeFleur has a gun. He witnesses the orgy going on and totally freaks out.

Sookie is in a chicken-wire prison down under the chapel at Sunshine Jesus Camp, and her fake husband is losing it, man! Sookie knows someone narced on their undercover mission but doesn't know who. But never mind that. They must escape! And rescue that ancient magic Indian vampire boy!

Oh no. Vampire Bill can't leave his room in the Hemophiliac Hilton because his maker lady has a stiletto heel balancing on his chest. Bill tries glaring and growling, but all that does is spur another flashback. This one's in the 1930s, and Maker Lady has procured another blond human girl for her and Bill to rip apart. Bill growls something about "no more," and even though the blond smells like apricots he lets her leave. Then Vampire Bill and his Maker Lady have a fight. Vampire Bill doesn't like having blood-soaked sex with Maker Lady anymore.

"You have lost your humanity and you have stolen mah mind," Vampire Bill speechifies.

Maker Lady responds that one day, Vampire Bill will lose his conscience. That sure would make him interesting, at least. Then she tries to keep him awake for a whole day. That makes vampires bleed, you know.

It's night. Eric and Spanish Vampire Lady have dropped in on the Sunshine Jesus Camp Campus. Why bother with Undercover Sookie in the first place if you're just gonna walk in and stand around that very same night? It's just nobody knows. 

Jason Stackhouse has just had heaven-shakin' sex with Sarah in a house of God. Sarah then cries because she is so happy and says she loves Jason and feels way close to the Lord. She also has her Ring of Truth on, so she announces she shall tell her husband, Steve, that she and Jason have Known each other. Jason persuades Sarah to put off her, um, revelation, until after the vampire-frying ceremony the next night.

Hoyt and Jessica are kissin' on each other at the Hemophiliac Hilton when he reveals he ain't never done it afore. Good thing, because neither has Jessica. Ain't that so sweet? Then they spoon.

Stan Stan the Vampire Marlboro Man is here at the vampire hotel. Eric accuses Stan of fomenting a vampire-human war and then making a power grab. Eric glares much better than Vampire Bill.

Morning, Tara! How was the orgy? What do you mean you can't remember? That orgy was CRAZY! She and Eggs suspect it may be the Mary-Ann's marijuana. The two of them talk and grow closer.

Sam is on the run after escaping his role as human sacrifice at the orgy! Run, Sam run! Grab that gun! Sam tracks down Daphne and accuses her of whorin' for Mary Ann. But Daphne isn't scared of dyin' and tells Sam he is insignificant compared with Mary Ann. 

"She's God, Dumb Dumb," Mary Ann tells Sam.

Steve comes down to the Sunshine Jesus Camp basement and Sookie warns him he will get killed by the vampires. Sookie shakes her head a lot when she's mad. Or happy. Or confused. Or turned on. Sookie's fake husband Hugo reveals his and Sookie's name  to Steve, who then makes the connection between her and Jason.

Steve runs off and kidnaps Jason as he's suddenly trying to flee, not because Sookie has been found out, of course, but because Jason and Sarah got it on. Sookie sends a mental message to fellow telepath Barry to git her out of there. 

LeFleur goes running back to the sheriff of Bon Temps because he is totally freaked out by the orgy the other night at Mary Ann's House O' Good Times.

Speakin' of House o' Good Times, back at Sookie's house, Mary-Ann walks into the living room with her feet covered in blood and carrying a dead rabbit. Tara worries aloud that Sookie will find out about these parties and get upset. Tara is also starting to realize that Mary-Ann might be a little weird. Could be the rabbit.

Jason has no idea why Steve and his goon are threatening him, but looks like Jason is set to take an early trip to see the Good Lord. Inside the chicken wire prison, Sookie reads Hugo's mind and sees he's the betrayer. What, has his mind been closed for remodeling up until now?

It's official: Mary-Ann is a maenad, a handmaiden of Dionysus. Dionysus, the Horned God. It's all evil all the time and everyone should be skeert.

In the chicken wire prison -- powered by Jesus! -- Hugo warns Sookie that vampires are users who gradually wear away at their human lovers, and Sookie will see that someday, and that's why Hugo joined the Sunshine Jesus Camp people. The Sunshine Jesus Camp people may be in league with Hugo, but they still aren't letting him out of his cage.

Meanwhile, Steve tells his wife, Sarah, that Jason is in league with the vampires. It's not true of course, but it don't matter none.

Oh hi, Lafayette. I see you're back in business and you've reunited with your eyelash curler. All is right at Merlotte's. The red-headed slacker waitress confides in Tara that she and Terry might have done something really wrong the night before, cuz she blacked out, and maybe got it on, against Terry's will. 

LeFleur bursts into Merlotte's and accuses the whole town of bein' devil zombies what love the orgies from hell. Sam sees something, but we don't know what.

Jessica wakes up and there are roses and rose petals all over her Hemophiliac Hilton bed. Hoyt is also lighting candles. But he isn't gay, he's you know, decoratin'. Jessica, being a teenager, thinks it's perfect. Then they git it on.

Jason is running like hell trying to escape from Sunshine Jesus Camp. Sarah drives up and he thinks he's found help, but Sarah shoots him.

Out at the lake, Mary-Ann comes to see Daphne. She has a brainwashed Eggs with her. Eggs executes Daphne. 

In the chicken-wire prison, the Sunshine Jesus Camp bodyguard is beating up Hugo for some reason not entirely clear. Then the goon makes to rape Sookie. That gets Vampire Bill all het up back at the Hemophiliac Hilton. He tries to escape his room. Maker Lady tries to stop him.

In the end, it's Godric who saves her. That isn't even the most amazing part: Godric ain't Indian no more.

 

Thoughts on this week's "True Blood"? Pretty eventful!