When we last left Jason “Ghost Daddy” Stackhouse, he had three sets of super-duper DNA doin’ a line dance in his veins: fairy, vampire and were-panther. Which mythical blood plasma will win? My money is on fairy, but at the moment it doesn’t matter, because Tommy Merlotte is in immediate danger, y’all! The young shape-shifter is busy ex-caping from that evil, dog-fighting-ring-runnin’ Joe Lee! Fight, Tommy, fight! Turn into something horrible! Tommy stays human, but he still defends himself quite effectively. In fact, Tommy clocks Joe Lee right hard! On his hade! In a way that makes folks turn dead! And, uh oh! Mommy Tommy gets hit dead too!
Now let’s go out in the woods. Here comes some more oh-no: The kids from the Mystery Machine are extremely pissed at Marnie for how she botched what was supposed to be a cure for Eric’s amnesia. Now, Eric is STILL spacey, AND the once-hot Pam looks like a marshmallow melted on her face. All this cannot bode well for the coven at the Moon Goddess Emporium. Tara, Lafayette and Jesus leave Marnie in a huff.
Oh wow, Godric is back. He’s stroking Eric’s poor ignorant face. Godric is magical or something, but the head-stroking doesn’t seem to make Eric any more knowledgeable about his past. Godric encourages Eric to drain Sookie of her honeydew fairy blood. Heck, let’s BOTH drain the fairy blood! It’s tasty!
Eric indicates that he wants to be a nice vampire, a loving vampire, a redeemed vampire, but Godric is all, whatever, you’re a vampire, deal with it, and just drink the damned fairy. Sookie screams, but alas! The whole scene is just a dream, and unfortunately, the blood stays in Sookie’s veins. Eric wakes up. With his shorts pulled way down past his hips -- because this is True Blood we’re watching -- Eric goes to see Sookie sleeping in her room. Yep, still pretty. Yep, still juicy. Sookie wakes up, for real this time, and hears about Eric’s about his “bad dream.”
In other vampire news, Jessica’s loving meatstick Hoyt is gazing admiringly at his girlfriend for saving Jason. Jessica has something else on her mind, though -- possibly, say, sucking on someone else’s blood -- and Hoyt suspects his relationship is in trouble.
Hot lawyer Portia Bellefleur may share DNA with Vampire Bill, but she’s not giving up on that miracle vampire penis, let the record show. Bill insists they break up to avoid incest. Portia is all, nay nay nay. So Bill glamours Portia into un-lusting on him. Now, Portia fears Bill and runs off in her expensive spiky lawyer heels.
Eric is still sad about his Godric dream. Sookie reassures Eric that he is not as evil as dead ghostly dream Godric said he was. Sookie and Eric cuddle, and Eric likes it. They talk about Godric. Yep, he sure was a nice vampire. The two of them agree to fall asleep together, but no undead-on-fairy sex ensues.
Pam visits Bill’s office, dragging her own face behind her and seeking permission to off Marnie. No go, Bill says; that would merit a True Death for Pam on True Blood. Bill promises to TCB in some other, more lawful, way.
Jesus and Lafayette are headed off to Mexico to seek protection from Jesus’s major badass brujo grandfather. Tara won’t go with them because she wants to go back to N’Awlins, which means she gets to say N’Awlins.
Lafayette doubts that any brujo, even Jesus’s brujo, can step to a powerful vamp like Eric Northman. But then Jesus tells a flashback. The whole world goes sepia-toned and wholesome, and we see a little Jesus getting a goat for a pet. Jesus is all happy! What a cute goat! Then the grandfather orders little Jesus to get all stabby on that goat and drink its blood. The goat blood, we see in this flashback, makes Jesus feel seriously badass. The point? It’s that kind of super-duper goat blood death magic that Team Lafayette needs right about now, OK? (Will grandpa brujo be Danny Trejo or Edward James Olmos? Kinda hoping for The Machete on this one.)
Tommy Merlotte shows up at his brother’s place with his dead mom and Joe Lee in the back of his shape-shifter van. Sam will have to clean up this mess somehow.
Over at Merlotte’s restaurant, Sookie collars Holly and asks about what’s been going down at the Moon Goddess Emporium. Holly’s mouth won’t talk, but her brain does, right into Sookie’s fairy mind; Marnie’s spell-casting antics are revealed to Sookie.
At a booth nearby, Jason tells Hoyt all about his torture at the hands of the panther women of Hot Shot. Hoyt ripostes with his own woes about Jessica acting all hinky. Jason points out that his gang rape kind of trumps girlfriend troubles. Agreement all around. Holly mentions that there’s a full moon tomorrow. That spooks Jason, given Crystal’s prediction and all.
At Arlene and Terry’s, a Reverend Daniels arrives, Tara’s mom (now Mrs. Daniels) in tow. The man of God is there to help sing the devil out of that little demon baby. The Daniels wave smudge sticks and pray at the walls. Nothing happens.
Sookie visits the Moon Goddess Emporium and talks Marnie into a psychic reading. Marnie picks up the spirit of Gran. (Oh, Gran, how we miss you.) Gran is at peace but warns Sookie to protect her brother. Also: Sookie needs keep her neck, and her heart, away from Eric. Gran takes over Marnie’s brain and starts speaking directly to Sookie. Oh no! Gran says Marnie is bad news! Run, Sookie, run! Marnie is danger-sauce! Sookie runs off.
Soon afterward, Marnie is betrayed by that Judas of a coven member who has been spying on behalf of Vampire Bill. Marnie is now Bill’s prisoner. Let it be known: Torturing and killing witches is illegal in Vampire World, but kidnapping is A-OK!
Sam Merlotte is driving the shape-shifted van with Tommy in the front and the two corpses in the back when Andy Bellefleur pulls them over, lights flashing, high on V. Tommy warns Sam that he will cap a bitch if Andy discovers the corpses. Tommy says there will be no bitch-capping and to calm the heck down. When Andy does eventually insist on checking out the back of the van, Tommy cleverly turns into a gator instead of capping a bitch. Sam is as proud as he can be, given that Tommy also killed his own folks.
Tara’s hot girlfriend has found out all about Tara’s lies. Now the relationship is strained. At Sookie’s place, Tara gets some good, if not hypocritical, advice from her best friend: to be honest with the people she loves. Then Eric emerges from his vampire hidey-hole and freaks the hell out of Tara. So much for being honest, there, Sookie! Tara runs off all scared and squirrelly as ever.
Locked up in Bill’s super-clean vampire hoosegow, Marnie prays for guidance from the vengeful spirit within her. She gets it, in the form of another flashback. This time, Marnie sees her Inquisition-era witch friend all locked up with a bunch of other accused women. Some priests bust into the cell, seemingly on the premise of trying to make the prisoners all Christian. But it turns out those priests are actually vampires in disguise. Let’s make sure we all understand what this means, here: The vampires ran the Inquisition, OK?
Via a remote speaker system, Bill runs his own inquisition on Marnie. Pam is rotting away with a quickness, and Bill encourages the witch to remember how to reverse her anti-vampire spells forthwith. Marnie insists she can’t recall what she’s doing from minute to minute. Bill glamours Marnie to confirm she’s indeed telling the truth. Things are not looking well for Pam’s falling face.
Welcome to Brujo Country, boys! Jesus and Lafayette arrive at the old ancestral Mexican home to find a brujo who is neither Edward James Olmos nor Danny Trejo. Life sucks.
Say, what’s happening in Shreveport? Alcide, wearing a wife-beater, opens his front door to find a pissy werewolf guy standing there, looking pissy. He is Marcus Something Or Other, Pack Master of Shreveport. It appears that werewolves are like cars, and are supposed to register with the local pack when they move to a new jurisdiction. Alcide doesn’t like Marcus’s rules and bids him adieu, but, sadly, he has no reason to take his shirt off, and the scene just ends like that.
Tommy and Sam work together to bury Joe Lee and Mama in the swamp. Tommy believes he is going to hell, noting that killing thy mother and father is not in the 10 Commandments. Tommy opens his mother’s body bag to say sorry and all, and then tosses her in the water. Sam offers some interesting logic: Tommy was at war with his parents, ergo, killing them was A-OK. Sam then admits that he, himself, has killed two people, those two thieves who stole from him years ago. Tommy is impressed, but also a little spooked when Sam throws marshmallows in the water -- a sure way to attract corpse-eating gators.
Arlene’s demon baby is being all quiet, allowing Terry and Arlene to git it on in peace. Arlene says she sure does love herself some Terry Bellefleur, and Terry is so happy too. Then some matches on the dresser mysteriously light up on their own. Oh well. So much for the smudge sticks.
So NOW we know what Jessica has been hankerin’ for: More up-close contact with Jason Stackhouse! She slinks into Jason’s place and proceeds to seduce him, but it’s just another dream. Hoyt is actually in the dream, too, and things get very close to threesome territory before Jason finally wakes up in a cold sweat.
Back at her place, Sookie is doing what she does best, which is chit-chatting. She tells Eric that she knows, just knows, that he can change and become a good vampire. Eric, however, fears that he will someday suck Sookie dry, and he walks away all sad before Sookie calls him back. Despite Gran’s best intentions, the two of them, finally, git. It. On.
Bill is gathering his stylish and sexy sheriffs together for a meeting about this witch situation. We learn some history: necromancers are seriously bad news for vampires and have been such for hundreds of years. Then Pam makes a big slip. She inadvertently reveals that she knows what happened to Eric, and that Eric is, um, well, kind of, a little bit ... at Sookie’s right now.
Let’s hope Eric and Sookie are able to git it on in a complete manner before Bill runs over there.
What'd you think of Sunday's episode?
Everything: True Blood
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