When we last left Bon Temps, the biggest li’l supernatural spot in the South, Eric had gotten a wink and a nod from the Vampire Authority to go assassinate Russell; Russell had seized control of the vertical and the horizontal; and everyone but Sookie had figured out what Sookie was.

[And what *is* Sookie? Full "True Blood" recap after the break...]

Now, as we open on this latest episode, Sookie finally learns, too. She’s of the faerie people -- er, partly. Turns out that Claudine, the mysterious hostess from Sookie’s Stevie Nicks video vision, is more than just a pretty lady in a great dress. She is a member of the Fey people and one of Sookie’s relatives.

Sookie thinks this revelation is lame. She is not alone, especially when you consider there’s a whole crowd of people over in Hot Shot who can escape handcuffs and who eat raw deer with their bare hands.

However, Sookie has a bigger problem: her faerie blood is particularly tasty to creatures of the night. Vampire Bill assures Sookie that he loves her for her, though, not her delicious raspberry-flavored hemoglobins.

Back at Merlotte’s, Jason has just turned the terrible vampire rapist Franklin into goo, but it doesn’t make the aspiring cop happy. Instead he suffers a guilty flashback to that poor vampire he imprisoned and killed a while back. Tara barks a few orders at Jason, and the two of them get away OK.

Speaking of getaways, Lafayette & Co. are still trying to save Crystal’s Daddy, who was nearly beaten into a bloody pulp by Shape-Shiftin’ Sam. They finally make some progress, but only after Lafayette produces some V. The Dad is disgusted by his cure, and he chews out his daughter for betraying his kid. Of course, we still do not know what sort of shifty creatures the people of Hot Shot are, but jackalopes are looking less and less likely.

Sam, meanwhile, is having a flashback. Apparently, at one point in his past, Sam wore rakish pomade and stole baubles like a lost member of a 1960s Vegas smash and grab ring. Sam wasn’t a very good grifter, however; he was easily doubled crossed by pretty ladies, and their clandestine boyfriends with guns.

Hot Eric is wearing way too many clothes. Eric, honey, it’s Fangtasia. Everybody knows what everybody else looks like nekkid. Anyway, Eric is at Fangtasia, writing up a last will and testament leaving all of his worldly Viking goods to his progeny, Pam. Pam stands to inherit a lovely farm in the fjords, among other treasures, that is, if Eric fails in his mission to kill Russell.

Eric has other business on his agenda, too, such as engaging in cryptic dialogue with other vampires. He pays a visit to Vampire Bill, and they have an argument over the fact that Bill isn’t telling Sookie The Truth, and that he should, in fact, tell Sookie The Truth.

The waitresses of Merlotte’s are not gittin’ on well. Arlene thinks Jessica is evil; Jessica thinks Arlene is a hater with hair like an eagle’s nest. Tommy loves the fact that they fight; it turns him on, and after watching the two argue, he puts the moves on Jessica.

The rest of Bon Temps isn’t doing any better in the relationships department; Jessica’s ex, Hoyt, is fending off desperate sexual advances from Summer. Sookie is catching hell from Tara for sticking with Vampire Bill. And Jesus seems a little too eager to tap into Lafayette’s V stash.

Sam arrives back at work eventually, spooking the regulars at Merlotte’s, who wonder who’s going to get beaten up next. The new waitress is a Wiccan -- which is not a form of supernatural creature -- and she tries to give Sam some calming marijuana, but he declines.

Arlene, meanwhile, is still convinced she is pregnant with a horrific entity, or, at least, an evil mini-Rene. She finally tells Terry about the paternity of her child, and Terry promises to love them both no matter what, but Arlene still has her doubts. She remembers that the new waitress has offered some alternative solutions for ending her pregnancy, and she approaches her asking for new info.

Another confession, finally: Jason Stackhouse tells Sookie that he was the one who shot Eggs, not Andy Bellefleur. Sookie, practitioner of TV logic like she is, insists that Jason tell Tara the truth, because, somehow, that will help Tara heal. Jason dutifully tells Tara everything, and she runs off.

Jesus and Lafayette are tripping out on V, and it makes Lafayette’s place look even more like the VIP room of House of Blues than ever. A vision of Jesus’s abuela is waiting for them in the back of the VIP room; it is implied that she is a witch, or, at least, a very good short order cook. She uses eggs in her rituals to help locals with fertility problems.

Jesus and Lafayette also meet an ancestor of Lafayette’s named Winnie, who also, apparently, dabbled in the magic arts using favorite kitchen accoutrements. And oh, no, look! It’s Jesus’s evil grandfather who practices the black arts and who has evil, evil plans for Jesus! Leave the House of Blues forthwith, Jesus! Flee!

Vampire Bill has left Sookie’s for the evening, chased off by Tara and Jason, and leaving her to fantasize about Hot Eric. Finally, she tracks down Eric and they make out for real. But like Vampire Bill, Hot Eric is keeping secrets, and will not tell Sookie The Truth.

Dag-gum! Vamps are now being targeted by the Ku Klux Klan, or, at least, people who enjoy the Klan aesthetic. Someone has left a burning cross on Vampire Bill’s lawn, and Bill has to restrain Jessica from retaliating.

Flashback time again. Sorry, Shape-Shiftin’ Sam, looks like we were wrong about you. You are not a pushover, but rather a man who turns into a cute beagle, follows his treacherous girlfriend to her camp hideout, demands his money back and, when things go awry, shoots both the ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend dead.

Russell is on the hunt for a new Talbot, it seems. He runs across a hot piece of man, who agrees to leave with him for a $1,000. They make love. But Russell is also thoroughly insane, and instead of turning the prostie into a new vamp, he fantasizes that he is with Talbot, and stakes the stranger through the heart.

Congratulations, Hoyt, for being the smartest young man in Bon Temps! He bursts into Merlotte’s, declaring that he loves Jessica, but she says nothing in return, and he leaves. That makes Jessica perhaps the dumbest young lady in Bon Temps. The dumbest young man is Tommy, who turns into his pit bull form and jealously attacks Hoyt outside the restaurant. Jessica rescues Hoyt, promises her love in return and orders him to drink her blood.

It’s tasty, but, you know, she’s no font of sweet raspberry candy faerie blood.

Vampire Bill is angry that Jason let Sookie leave the house to go see the

... uh ...

... we suddenly forget.

Crystal is in Jason’s living room, and she’s a panther.

A panther.

Crystal is Nastassja Kinski. The people of Hot Shot are Cat People.

Anyway, we were saying something. Oh, here we go. Pam encourages Eric to take advantage of his close proximity to Sookie to further his Russell-related plans. He balks at first, but eventually, he snatches her and chains her up in a basement.

Sookie, of course, reacts the way she always does: she screams.

 

What'd y'all think of "I Smell a Rat"?