After weeks of witchcraftin’ and werewolvin’, panther-shiftin’ and a revelation about fairy-human-hybrid breedin’, we have arrived at the finale of this season of "True Blood."
[Full recap of Sunday's (Sept. 12) "True Blood" finale...]
As Russell lay dying, chained up in the sun next to Eric the Vengeful Viking, a vision of Godric shows up. Didn’t think there were ghosts of vampires, did you? Well, that’s your problem; you should’ve figured as much once you learned there were meth-dealing were-panthers.
Sookie arrives at Fangtasia and determines that this is just stupid. (She actually says that, that ain’t me talkin’.) Russell antagonizes Sookie into throwing him around with nothing but the power of her sunshine hands, but eventually she manages to rescue them both. Sookie has to feed Eric with her own sunshine-flavored fairy blood, much to the disapproval of Vampire Bill.
As the vampire rights people and the evangelical hypocrites go at it on TV, Tara enjoys a pancake breakfast courtesy of her on-again, Sam. Sam also treats her to a side dish: the fact that he’s a shape-shifter. That makes Tara sulky.
“I wish I could just reboot into a new person,” Tara gripes. You go do that, Tara; I shall eat your delicious, bacon-grease-infused pancake.
Russell looks like a sentient piece of coal. The rest of the gang chains him up. Sookie seems ready to stake Russell, or at least make his carbon-caked life miserable somehow, but Eric, remembering the shining vision of Godric, orders her not to. Then Eric takes off in the Mystery Machine.
Jason Stackhouse is begging Andy Bellefleur to call off the invasion of Hot Shot, on account of how it would make Jason’s cube-headed panther girlfriend all weepy and sad. Jason and Crystal eventually run to Hot Shot to warn the people themselves, but things go pear-shaped when Crystal’s ex shoots Crystal’s Daddy in the face.
Deploy, sanctimonious DEA squad, deploy! Quick, before Crystal makes a decision she’ll regret! Oh, too late. Oh, too late. Crystal agrees to run off with her ex, leaving Jason behind to take care of the hillbillies of Hot Shot.
Hoyt, meanwhile, arrives at work to see a sort of undead-hater intervention lead by Hoyt’s mother and Summer. Momma threatens to disinherit Hoyt, but that does nothing to switch off his love for Jessica.
Lafayette can read minds now? He meets Sam at work, and hears a disembodied voice that apparently threatens to cut a bitch up if Lafayette “crosses” Sam. Lafayette also envisions Sam’s hands as bloody. From, apparently, cutting a bitch up.
Russell is doing is best to pursuade Sookie to free him, despite his inability to emote through the slag heap that is his head. He offers her money, as well as the murder of Eric Northman and Vampire Bill. He also indicates that the reason why he’s carrying around Talbot’s goo in an urn is because he thinks he can scrape the boyfriend back together. This amuses Sookie, who pours Talbot’s remains down the garbage disposal.
Terry Bellefleur is crying on his porch when Sam comes over to apologize for his verbal abuse. Turns out, Terry is crying for joy because Arlene’s baby is OK and all is right with the world. Sam’s brother Tommy, however, is in a new world of hurt; he isn’t at home, where he should be, because he’s made off with Sam’s safe.
Lafayette isn’t doing too great either. He has another vision at work: the dead Rene, with his hands around Arlene’s neck. Unnerved, Lafayette calls Jesus for help. Jesus wonders whether Lafayette has opened himself to the wisdom of Earth. How would Jesus know? Because Jesus is a bruja, a witch.
Tara goes to see her mom, who is in flagrante with a married reverend. Tara’s mom seems to think she’s on track to become the minister’s new wife, but Tara doesn’t judge. Instead she seems to be saying goodbye, in a very final way. Tara then returns home, where she appears to contemplate suicide with a pair of scissors. Wisely, she agrees to cut her hair instead. Or maybe not so wisely. Tara has amazing hair.
Over at Fangtasia, Hot Alcide shows up wearing way too many clothes. Having apparently had her fill of vampires, Sookie looks over Alcide with new appreciation while Russell does his best to roll his carbon-caked eyes. Sam, Eric and the rest of the gang returns from their outing in the Mystery Machine to pick up Russell and drag him off.
Don’t do the V, Andy! Don’t do it! It’ll make you visionary and crazy!
Jason interrupts the temptation, but given that he let a meth dealer get away, Andy is none too pleased. Andy says that whatever career in law enforcement that Jason might be gunnin’ for, it’s over.
Tara’s hair is gone, and so is her anger. She and Tara hang out before Tara says she wants to go see Lafayette at Merlotte’s. But again, the parting feels very final.
Oh great googly moogly, Eric and Bill are wrapping Russell in silver and encasing him in concrete. They estimate he’ll be immobilized for at least a century. Godric’s ghost shows up again to scold him with his gentle foreign tongue, but Eric will not budge. Eric and Bill finish the job. The good news? Godric apparently has nothing more to say.
Oh: Bill double-crosses Eric and puts him in a cement pit, too.
Hoyt has some romantic plans for Jessica: a new home for the two of them to live in, and a ring to go with it. It’s real sweet, until we see that there’s a creepy doll lying on the that clearly is supposed to mean something.
Bill goes to see Sookie. She still doesn’t like him, but she’s pleased that Russell is taken care of. He also tells Sookie that he’s neutralized Eric, you know, to protect her, and Pam and anyone else who might threaten Sookie. It’s all very Southern.
Sookie is almost ready to forgive Vampire Bill when Eric arrives at the door covered in cement; I guess no one told Bill that cement takes time to dry. And then it is revealed: the reason why Bill even came to Bon Temps was to procure Sookie for Sophie Ann. In fact, Bill even let Sookie get beaten up just so Bill could “rescue” her and make some time.
Sookie kicks Bill out of her house, which makes him fly out of there; Sookie doesn’t even need to use her sunshine hands to push him away. Sookie isn’t exactly thrilled with Eric either.
Thank God for small favors; Tara isn’t going to kill herself. She’s just leaving Bon Temps. Bonus: Pam is still OK, too.
Run, Tommy, run! Shape-Shiftin’ Sam has a gun and he is ready to use it on your quasi-canine ass. Tommy begs for mercy and reveals he can’t work because he can’t read. Sam fires the gun, leaving it unclear whether he’s shot his brother. (Oh, come on. He did not just shoot his brother.)
Sophie Ann arrives at Vampire Bill’s house in a very Galliano widow get-up. She demands that Bill produce her fairy. But Bill has lured Sophie Ann into a trap: a flying, crouching-tiger-hidden-bloodsucker fight to the death!
Time for an oh-Gran moment. Oh, Gran, Sookie misses you so, and she’s never felt so alone as she weeps at Gran’s grave. Just then, the fairy crowd arrives in the graveyard and invites Sookie to leave this place and go with them into their Stevie Nicks video. Sunshine hands are deployed.
Much shining light occurs.
And then Sookie disappears. Just like this season.
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