Recapping Television's Hottest Shows with Monkeys as Critics

Recap: 'True Blood' - 'Cold Grey Light of Dawn'

As Antonia's plan becomes clear, silvering and introspection ensue

By Leslie Gornstein Monday, Aug 8, 2011 3:18 AM

Deborah Anne Woll of 'True Blood'

Credit: HBO

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Welcome to the latest edition of "True Blood"! Well lookee here! Marnie and her spirit tenant have a brand-new pet vampire! And the pet vampire is helping Marnie escape from Bill’s super-well-lit kingly vampire hoosegow! But, hey, before we blow this joint: Vampire pet? Can you do Marnie a solid and kill that chick that posed as a witch before revealing herself as a pawn of Vampire Bill? Awesome! Thanks, pet vampire!

Meanwhile, Pam’s face may be fallin’ off, but her ninja vampire ass-kicking skills are still doin’ fine, thank you. She’s beating up Tara right good for messing with her face. Oh, no! What will become of Tara and her suddenly lesbian-ness? Enter the deus ex machina: A curious crowd of locals who whip out their cell phones just as Pam is about to turn Tara into her own personal blood pack. We all know that killing or feeding on camera is a big no-no in official vampire circles, so Pam backs off.

Now let’s head to Mexico, where Jesus and his brujo grandfather are arguing over all that rattlesnake nonsense. And it really was nonsense; the grandfather never even meant to kill Jesus with that snakebite, or anything like that. Hee! Bygones!

Debbie is getting initiated into the local werewolf brotherhood. Everybody howl in welcome! Hey, that was awesome! Debbie is real happy to find a new community, but Alcide is broody. He’s thinking of Sookie, see, which does not suit Debbie at all, at least, at first. Then she decides she’d better grow a pair and let Alcide sniff out Sookie and see what she might need. Otherwise, of course, Alcide might go off on his own, and that’s how cheating happens. Turns out, Debbie has no need to be jealous, for, as Debbie and Alcide soon learn, Sookie is busy shagging Eric Northman at the moment.

Marnie’s newly tamed vampire sheriff pet goes to see King Bill on the auspices of nothing in particular. The vampire pet makes a lame attempt at assassination before whispering a one-word hint about what Marnie’s spirit tenant might be up to: Resurrection. Then Bill kills the vampire pet.

Tara and her girlfriend are talking things over again, this time with a bit of finality. Tara is breaking up with said girlfriend because she can’t get over her anger issues, or because she wants to protect the girlfriend from Pam, or something. Point is, it’s sad.

Over at Jason’s place, the male Stackhouse is trying to exorcise Jessica out of his thoughts when Hoyt arrives. Apparently Vampire Bill has Summoned Jessica with his Kingly Summoning Powers, so Hoyt is all lonely at the moment. Hoyt reminds Jason that he has been raped, which seems like a piece of information that no rape victim need ever be reminded of, but, I guess not. Don’t blame Hoyt for his boorishness; Jessica is slippin’ away from him, after all, and it’s driving him all manner of crazy, git it?

And why has Jessica has been summoned by Bill? To discuss Antonia, the spirit inhabiting Marnie. Bill offers a quick lesson on why exactly Jessica should care about this person: Antonia was a necromancer, now she’s back, this is bad, et cetera. Jessica furrows her brow with appropriate concern. After all, with her skin tone, Jessica really shouldn’t be dragged into the sun, by necromancers or anyone.

Then Bill gathers his hot stylish vampire sheriffs together and gives them an order: Wrap yourselves in silver forthwith and then go to ground, bitches, for the resurrection is at hand!

Sookie and Eric have been shagging for a week now, but they’re finally done. After all that exertion, Eric still has enough energy left to listen to Sookie’s heart beat. He’s so sweet when he’s ignorant of, you know, who he really is. Eric asks whether Sookie wants him to remember the Vikingly way he used to be. She says, hey sure, it’s who you are. This will not end well.

His Majesty Bill then comes callin’ with the bad news: a necromancer named Antonia is alive and loose. Eric really should come with Bill, for protection, but Eric demurs. Bill reminds Eric that he really ought to chain himself up, or risk being dragged into the sun by the Marnie-Antonia combo.

Pam has found a way to stave off her bodily melting: Booster shots. Tommy also is seeking medical treatment, in the hospital, on account of how he’s now a skinwalker, and that makes perfectly ordinary shape-shifters throw up and go pale and scare the hell out of Sam Merlotte.

Tara is walking and drinking beer when she realizes she is alone on a country road at night and there’s a vampire after her. Marnie-avec-Antonia emerges and re-introduces herself in a way that totally pushes all the right buttons. Within seconds, Tara is a convert. Tara then high-tails it to Merlotte’s and recruits Holly in roughly three sentences. A large, witchcraft-based, anti-vampire infantry is forming.

Jessica submits to Vampire Bill’s directive and lets herself be bound in silver, and it hurts. Bill then indicates he’s ready for the same procedure. Pam has a whole chain-mail sheet put over her before she’s put away. As for Eric, he prefers to have Sookie do the silver-chaining. Sookie takes in the scent of fried Viking and just hopes this resurrection business is all over soon.

On a brighter note, things are real sunny and silver-free over in Mexico! Jesus and Lafayette still aren’t over that incident with the rattlesnake, it would seem. If they only knew about all the silver-tinged torture going on in Bon Temps they’d totes man up.

Speaking of fouled relationships, now that Jessica is all wrapped up in silver, she realizes that maybe she needs to dump Hoyt. He loves her more than she loves him. Bill says nay nay nay, there is humanity in thy heart! Jessica responds in a properly vampiric way: Let’s kill Antonia! Again! Starting with her face!

Sam horns in on Luna, unaware that his brother, Tommy, has fouled their relationship. Eventually Sam and Luna soon discover that something is amiss. Light bulb! Tommy can turn into people now! And Luna realizes she’s been banged by Tommy! This is several dimensions of gross!

Andy Bellefleur arrives at Merlotte’s with roses, ready for his date with Holly. He’s jonesing for V, but he looks awesome in his suit. Hold it together Andy Bellefleur! Hold it together for love! He can’t. He can’t hold it together, and he blows the date.

Here comes Arlene with her adorable demon baby. The mysterious pretty lady who loves the baby materializes again. She speaks French. She sings a song to the baby, and Lafayette can see it. No one else can.

Alcide and Debbie are gittin’ it on. New revelation: She wants to be on top, or, she thinks she does. Turns out, she really don’t want anything. She wants to know if Alcide is in love with Sookie. It’s a valid question, given the people who are writing for this show, but Alcide insists that he wants no part of that sweet honeydew fairy blood. Which means he’s totally lying.

Marnie convenes the first meeting of the Antonia Club, and it’s awesome. She can light candles with her mind! First, Antonia invites anyone who is scared to leave. Several cowards bail, despite the fact that this chick can light candles with her thoughts. Tara, Holly and most of the other people remain. Marnie/Antonia leads a prayer circle to beget The Resurrection.

Sam steps to Tommy and says he knows about the whole skinwalker situation. And, remember, Sam has an anger problem. It looks like there’s going to be a fight. But instead, Sam gives Tommy a few minutes to pack his skinwalker belongings and disappear.

Jason arrives at his sister’s house with great news for Sookie! He didn’t turn into a were-panther! But just then, Antonia’s spell kicks up. Jason is reluctant to leave Sookie with Eric, but then again, he suddenly suspects that Jessica needs him. His suspicion is correct, for this is seriously a powerful spell: Marnie is floating in the air by now.

All of our vampire friends start crying out for the sun. The wind totally blows everywhere, even underground. Random vampires we’ve never seen emerge and blow up in the light of the sun. Oh no! Jessica manages to break her silver chains, and escape! Vampire Bill tries commanding Jessica to remain, but she wants the sun, now, dammit!

Jason arrives at Jessica’s location, but will it be in time to save her?

What'd y'all think of this week's episode?

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Voice of Reason

Wow, awesome! Snarky Columnist who hates True Blood gets to be all snarky again when doing the episode recap. Snarky Columnist thinks she is all funny like when she makes quips and snide comments concerning the characters and plot; poor snarky columnist! Don't you know you only come across as a hater?

Snarky Columnist gets the last laugh, though; each week she gets to write a sarcastic recap that not only reflects how much she hates True Blood, but Snarky Columnist gets PAID to do it; a girl GOTS to get paid, because shoes, manicures, and hair-dos don't grow on trees, now do they?
August 8, 2011 at 7:04AM EST Reply to Comment
- mmcb105 Snarky columnist doesn't hate True Blood, is probably just let down by a way sub-par season. Snarky commenter gets it wrong.
  August 8, 2011 at 10:45AM EST
- Jimmy Chill, it's just TV show. Quite honestly, this has been a mediocre season and really just a rehash of season 2 with a witch instead of a maenad. My issue with this season is how Allan Ball has pretty much tossed aside two major plots from the books that affect the entire series all for a boring witch plot. The version in the book was so much better than what we're getting this season.
  August 8, 2011 at 11:55AM EST
- the minister This reviewer takes it waaaay easy on that pile of pretty shite.
  
  You want *snark*, head on over to Gabe at Videogum.
  Gabe knows how to demolish a crap show with STYLE.
  August 8, 2011 at 4:50PM EST
- 'roni Why does Snarky Commenter keep reading the recaps when it is obvious that he/she/it does not care for them? Does Snarky Commenter happen to be a masochist?
  August 9, 2011 at 2:07PM EST
- Snark's Warranted Get a clue. Her snark has been tame from a "hating" perspective. This show has turned into a steaming pile of Luis the Inquisitor. The recaps are far more entertaining than the show. Here's hoping it's just Alan Ball's crap season, as he did with Six Feet Under (David getting kidnapped anyone?) way back when before it rebounded a bit.
  August 11, 2011 at 12:39AM EST
JL

I'm gonna go with snarky as well... Great season so far? No. It'd be different if this was even funny-snarky, but its not. Its gotten pretty old quickly.
August 8, 2011 at 1:05PM EST Reply to Comment
T

I'm loving this season, I didn't like Marian in season 2, imo this is way better.
August 8, 2011 at 4:56PM EST Reply to Comment
webdiva

Hey, if you really wanted a snark workout, you would have taken on /Torchwood and ripped this season to shreds. 'Cause it deserves it. You know things are really bad for TW when even this season's True Blood is better than TW. And that absolutely includes this episode of TB compared to Friday night's ep of TW. OUCH.
August 9, 2011 at 2:33AM EST Reply to Comment
Mulderism

I wish Pam had finished the job. I'm so sick of Tara.
August 9, 2011 at 2:51AM EST Reply to Comment
melissa_banks

I literally have been trying to understand if they changed writers?? Or did someone get fired? I am watching these characthers and it's as if they are new?? Is it me or did the entire style of this change?
August 10, 2011 at 3:42PM EST Reply to Comment

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Recapping Television's Hottest Shows with Monkeys as Critics