Stephen Moyer of 'True Blood'
Credit: Art Streiber/HBO
When we last left the horny fangers of Bon Temps, King Bill had arrived at a rally for undead/human peace, only to face a brainwashed undead Viking bent on murder. Sookie had inserted herself into middle of the scrum, hell bent on yelling “watch out!” at just the right moment. Now the fight is on!
Just when Bill is about to bite it, Sookie’s fairy powers emerge. She whips out her magical light-bearing hands and reverses the polarity. Bill is saved. And Eric now remembers everything, including the fact that he’s supposed to be cold and feckless and much better dressed. Dio mio! Antonia’s plot is foiled, and she takes her minions and goes home. Bill and Eric and Sookie are left to look shiftily at each other.
Speaking of shifty behavior, Jessica and Jason have been spending the past week gittin’ it on in the back of his truck. Now it’s guilt time. Jason reminds no one in particular that Hoyt is his friend. His friend! The only way Jason can live with his new guilt is if Jessica flosses his memory clean of all that sexin’. This notion disgusts Jessica. She runs off to feed.
Tommy’s plot to fool the biker werewolves has failed, and instead he’s been beaten nearly to death by four of those werewolf bikers. He is barfing blood -- not just the usual skinwalker blood barf either. This is the blood barf of the dying. Alcide takes Tommy to Sam. Tommy, who always seemed to like livin’ before, totally wants to die now, and he refuses all medical aid, including vampire blood.
“I’m so fuckin’ sad,” Sam announces. Having heard these words of regret, Tommy finally feels free to shed his mortal coil. Sam, for his part, has been given a new plot point goal: Revenge on Marcus. And oh: Remember how Alcide pledged fealty to Marcus last week? Well, it’s a new week, and Alcide is rolling with Sam now.
Over at Antonia’s enclave, Tara, Holly and the rest of the hostages are working on some way to bust out of there when the head witch arrives back home from her botched assassination attempt. Nobody has cell phone reception on account of Antonia’s magic. When Antonia still refuses to let her followers leave, Holly and Tara steal away to try to make some magic of their own. (No, not like that. With tomes and chants.)
Bill and Nan are bickering over the failure of her undead love-in PR pageant. Bill has finally had enough of her priorities and says it’s time to take out Antonia, vampire branding be damned.
Now that the first assassination attempt is winding down, Eric and Sookie are talking about their love again. Sookie wants to know which Eric she’s speaking to at the moment. Apparently it’s all of the Erics. Yes, Eric can now remember his old Viking self, but he’s still nice! See? Don’t worry, Sookie! We can still have sex in snowy fantasy worlds fueled by each other’s blood! But Sookie is having second thoughts. Seeing Bill nearly die has made her all nostalgic for Season One the way things used to be.
Pam busts in, worried sick about where Eric has been. She and Sookie look at each other all sideways. Then Bill crashes the scene. He trumpets the coming of a new anti-witch sortie. And for this next battle, Sookie is SO not invited. Which means she’ll be there early.
Hoyt visits Jason to talk about how he’s getting over Jessica. Jason looks aptly shifty-eyed. Hoyt, missing the cue, asks if he can stay with Jason for a while. What could possibly go wrong?
Uh-oh. Terry and Arlene have discovered Andy’s V stash. Andy is still sour over the mean things Terry said to him over at Hoyt’s place. Outrage all around! Andy insists that he, like, needs the V, which spurs Terry to suggest a unique challenge: Shooting cans! With guns! At the ancestral home! Eventually things go from 50 percent Southern to all-all country and the two brothers end up in the dirt sluggin’ it out. Andy feels better afterward and delivers a monologue to his boyhood treehouse.
Sookie doesn’t understand why Jason is acting all cold about Hoyt. (Why doesn’t she just read his mind?) She also buries the lead: Oh hey! Did you know there’s a hostage situation over at the Moon Goddess, and it’s bound to end poorly? The siblings run to Jesus and Lafayette, who, upon hearing the news, try to horn in Tara’s cell phone. Have they not been listening? There are no bars in the Moon Goddess Emporium.
Antonia is not pleased with how Marnie is operating this vampire genocide. Too sloppy. Marnie insists that human casualties are an acceptable loss. After all, similar humans watched Antonia fry and did nothing. Antonia accepts this argument in about two lines. They hug and merge again.
Jesus volunteers to go into the Moon Goddess Emporium and disable Antonia with his nebulous mojo-Latino. But Antonia has put up an invisible wall that almost cooks up some broiled brujo. Antonia emerges from her stronghold to brag and scold. She insists that Jesus walk through the microwave wall to prove his loyalty. For a second, the energy turns Jesus into a red devil with bones sticking out of his nose. Antonia looks impressed; she could use a demon.
Marcus and Debbie are talking about Alcide and eyeballing each other in a sexual manner. Marcus and Debbie both talk about how much they like kids, and how Alcide don’t want no pups. It is heavily implied that Marcus and Debbie then git it on.
Now that Jesus has breached the compound, he asks to speak to Marnie, you know, to say hi. Antonia bites, and Marnie shocks Jesus by telling him how happy she is. Marnie believes she’s in total control, which means she is so, so screwed. She also shows off her new pet vampires trapped in the bathroom.
Just then, Tara and Holly whip up a fresh spell that briefly breaks the microwave barrier, spurring Sookie and Lafayette to run in. Only Jason is left on the outside. Night falls, and the vampire A-Team arrives, walking four abreast, in slow-motion. That can mean only one thing: Something is gonna blow up.
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