Recap: 'True Blood' - 'Beautifully Broken'
Vampire Kings, Nazi werewolves and a missing corpse. Just another episode of 'True Blood'...
Anna Paquin and Alexander Skarsgard of 'True Blood'
Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO
It’s episode two of Season Three of "True Blood"! Which supernatural creature will get voted off the island tonight? Oh, wait, sorry, different show. But with all the shape-shifting and retractable-fang action going on among way too many cast members, it may actually be nice if some of those kill-offs the show producers have promised us come true soon.
[Full recap of Sunday's (June 20) "True Blood" after the break...]
Oh, say, thanks, Vampire Bill! As we open on Episode Two, the Civil War vampire has dispatched three werewolves. The bad news: they’re all were-day-players. The series regulars are still at large and free to confuse us with their many subplots.
Bill seems to be enjoying the bloody mess a great deal until a man on a white horse wearing a natty red jacket and a jaunty crest emerges from the woods. Vampire Bill calls him your majesty. His Majesty of the Fabulous Riding Wear has a name, Russell Edgington, the Vampire King of Mississippi, and he is behind Bill’s kidnapping by the werewolves. His Majesty then shoots one of the wereguys with a shiny silver bullet -- which, for Bill, sort of makes up for things a little, I guess, and then he and Bill are off to his house, or chalet, or what have you.
Poor Tara, can’t even commit suicide right. Tara’s mother tries to accompany Lafayette while he takes his cousin to the hospital, but the fry cook will have none of it.
Sookie, meanwhile, is grilling Eric Northman about what he knows about the Nazi werewolf Nazi commandos from World War 2 who apparently kidnapped Bill. Because you can’t just have regular werewolves running around anymore; thanks, Stephenie Meyer! Anyway, Eric stares at Sookie sexily while Pam and Jessica have some girl time in the ladies room. Pam tries to instruct Jessica on how to feed on humans without killing them. Except, of course, it’s too late. Jessica already has a stinky dude back at her house.
Eric has a flashback to Nazi times! He and Godric are total Nazis, and they hunt down a German chick who turns out to be a Nazi werewolf. She hopes the Nazi connection will keep the vamps from offing her. Turns out, not so much. They only sprechen zie Vampire.
Whoops, sorry: His Majesty doesn’t have a house or a chalet, but rather a mansion. Should have called that. They put up Bill in the old digs of Lady Elizabeth Bathory, the legendary serial killer. The room is tricked out in silver that is equal parts pretty and probably really painful to the touch, at least, for Bill.
Yes, Tara, Eggs is dead. It’s sad and all, but the rest of the cast has moved on. Werewolves are the new maenads, honey. Time to update your social circle. Lafayette tries to show Tara some perspective by re-introducing him to his own mother, who is in a home for the mentally disturbed. Tara finally quiets her ass down; the point has been made. Lafayette doesn’t want Tara to end up in the same place as Ruby Jean.
Oh, how cute: Hoyt is waiting for Jessica when she gets back to Vampire Bill’s Casa de Crumbling Gentility. He tries to tell Jessica she can control herself, but she locks herself in the house, not wanting Hoyt to catch wind of the corpse. Poor Jessica. She has to sleep next to that corpse, too.
Sookie returns back to her home and informs her brother Jason that Bill has been kidnapped by Nazi werewolves. Jason volunteers to discuss the situation with Andy Bellefleur. When she reports to work the next day, she spots what she suspects is a member of the Werewaffen SS. She and Terry track him through the woods but find only wolf footprints and some Nazi-wear. Kids, we have a mystery on our hands. Terry outfits Sookie with a gun, which she apparently knows how to pack.
Shape-Shiftin’ Sam gets dragged into the home of his suspected family and is interrogated by the hayseeds within. Things very emotional but nobody shifts into any cool animals. Let’s hope for at least one aquatic animal. That would make for very interesting times. Turns out that the hayseeds gave away Sam because Sam’s real daddy was doing time for a crime he done didn’t commit. Sam tries to bring up the interesting stuff, which is the fact that he can turn into a pooch. Sam’s mother and brother, Joe Lee, are apparently shifters, too; Joe Lee can turn into a cute bulldog. The two go runnin’ through the woods together and almost get hit by a truck. Another reveal: Joe Lee can also turn into a bird, while Sam hasn’t apparently figured out the whole avian thing yet.
His Majesty of Mississippi is certainly more hospitable than the Vampire Queen on the other side of the border, but there’s a reason. Russell reveals two plans: he wants to marry the vampire queen -- which is interesting, considering the very pretty young men that the king seems to prefer for housemates -- and he wants Bill for the position of sheriff Mississippi’s Area 2. All Bill has to do is spill the Queen’s secrets to the King, and the position is his. Things seem to be going well through the rest of the evening -- the blood gelato dessert looks lovely -- but then Lorena shows up wearing a hot riding outfit. Bill is so pissed he throws an oil lamp at her cool riding hat.
A woebegone looking British vampire shows up at Merlotte’s, where Terry and Arlene are engaged in comedic hijinkis. The vamp sips True Blood, a rare, welcome site for a show about True Blood. Later, when Tara is outside wallowing in still more self pity, a couple of white trash guys harass her, and Mr. Woebegone zips outside to Tara’s side. He helps Tara beat the guys up, which apparently makes his fangs very, very stiff.
Jason and Andy, meanwhile, are leaving Merlotte’s when the cop gets a call about a meth lab in progress or some such. The two of them ride over, and Andy tells Jason to stay in the car, which means Jason is not staying in the car. Instead he sees a hot blond lady running away from the scene and chases her while ethereal mysterious music plays. Jason then helps stop a drug dealer and seems real pleased with himself.
Poor Jessica. She’s still got that corpse in her basement. Oh, wait. No she doesn’t. It’s missing! Could it be that Pam has disposed of that for her? Sisterhood is forever, I guess.
Oontz Oontz Euro Vampire Sheriff Eric arrives at Sookie’s house with a confession on his hot-yet-still-cold lips: He “posed” as a Nazi to hunt the werewolves back in the day. Eric also reveals that these aren’t just werewolves. And they’re not just Nazi werewolves. They’re Nazi werewolves who are seriously organized and fed by vampire blood. And oh: Watch out, Sookie, because the organized vampire-fed were-waffen is coming for her, so she needs protection. Sookie should invite him in, see, and maybe they can git it on, too. Sookie resists, which is sad for the rest of us. Things look real boring until a werewolf shows up, and Sookie gets to aim that gun of hers ...
What'd you think of Sunday's "True Blood"?
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Login or create a HitFix account Login SignupFairportfan
June 21, 2010 at 2:43AM EST Reply to CommentThis summary is lamer than "True Blood" and that sucks dead moose through a straw.
that guy
June 21, 2010 at 7:18AM EST Reply to Commentyeah i was bored last night
Nocturnal
June 21, 2010 at 8:12AM EST Reply to CommentI don't know why HitFix lets Leslie Gornstein write their True Blood reviews. She has always clearly HATED the show, seems to be desperately in love with her own prosaic writing, and has the inexplicable burning need to write "Oontz oontz" with every episode review.
Too bad her column doesn't get staked or mauled by vampires. It must be undead, because it's killing US. Go back in your coffin, Leslie, where you can sleep soundly in your own writings - because you're the only one who enjoys the stink of them.
LJA I'm with you, Nocturnal It's an insult to the viewers to have this writer recapping the show. Of all the True Blood fans on the internet, can't HitFix find one who likes the show enough to write the recap without offending the fans with her mocking tone?
June 21, 2010 at 11:24AM ESTleelu92
June 21, 2010 at 8:36AM EST Reply to CommentWow- I mistakenly came over here thinking this was Sepinwall. Big mistake. Won't ever read this column again. If you don't like the show- don't review it.
Pennywise
June 21, 2010 at 10:26AM EST Reply to CommentA few things: Joe Lee is Sam's father. Tommy is his brother and he transformed into a pit bull. I also don't understand what that sentence about the True Blood drink is trying to say.
Liz
June 21, 2010 at 12:10PM EST Reply to Commentyou suck. this was ANOTHER horrible review. if you don't like the show then tell your editor to put you on another one.
jsully
June 21, 2010 at 12:13PM EST Reply to CommentStephenie Meyer wrote the twilight books NOT the Sookie Stackhouse novels. the Nazi warewolves werent even in Charlaine Harris' books at all. This is completely the true blood writers choice. get it straight or don't write at all.
dan jsully - The recap isn't saying Stephenie Meyer write the Sookie Stackhouse novels, it's saying that after the "Twilight" werewolves, you can't just have plain werewolves, they have to be *Nazi* werewolves. - Daniel
June 21, 2010 at 12:22PM ESTLJA Dan - Could you write these recaps? Your point is taken in this specific instance, but it appears that the writer isn't following True Blood closely enough to get other details correct. Nor does she care to. (See her confusion about the names of Sam's family above which was crystal clear in the episode.)
June 21, 2010 at 1:13PM ESTscott
June 21, 2010 at 12:18PM EST Reply to CommentSam has changed into more than a dog. He became a bull that killed Maryann and he changed into an fly to make a quick escape once (I believe he changed into a bird once too). Being that particular dog seems to be his favorite alternate form.
June 22, 2010 at 3:31AM ESTHelen
June 21, 2010 at 1:35PM EST Reply to CommentWhat girl hasn't had a stinky guy tucked away soemwhere.
Jessica
June 21, 2010 at 3:20PM EST Reply to CommentThis is a really bad review and though this is my first time reading a recap by this writer I can see, like most of you have pointed out, that she doesn't like the show. Hitfix please don't insult my tastes by having this person write the recaps. There's plenty of True Blood lovers (who can keep up with names) that could write an even better recap. Look them up.
studioplant
June 21, 2010 at 4:44PM EST Reply to CommentSam has turned into a bird before, he did not because he was surprised by the truck which his brother seemed to know was coming. It was a sneaking little trap and something should have been mentioned about it. I hate to jump on this bandwagon, but I am tending to agree that Hitfix really needs to find someone else to review this show.
oontznazi
June 21, 2010 at 7:09PM EST Reply to CommentSam turned into an owl last in Season 2 while running from MaryAnn.... If you think that this review was bad, go back and look at the arrogant, error-filled, abortion that was Leslie's Season 3 premiere recap.
Horrid..... mostly because of the fact that she doesnt even care enough to get the facts straight, and partly because of the haughty, aroogant way that she writes it.... Do us all a favor and write about something else, anything else. Just try and make sure when you do that you keep you facts straight. It helps in so many ways to know what the hell you are talking about...a memo you obviously need to reread.....OONTZ NAZI......and James Frain had a B positive or something like that because Tara said they were ouit of True Blood....OK I'm done....how refreshing to get that off my chest after reading someone with supposed "insight" cr@p the bed for 2 straight weeks. Maybe HBO wil forget to send her anymore episodes....and she will listen to everyone else in the comments section, and go annoy others.....elsewhere
JMPres
June 22, 2010 at 2:34AM EST Reply to CommentYeah. You. Just. Stop. Resign from the post because you are obviously acting out because you hate the show and resent the assignment. So just stop... you're huuuuuurting Amer... hitflix... Hopefully you will go the way of Tucker Carlson, the Ragin' Cajun, and Paul Begala: do something similar somewhere else but just stop what you are doing right now. Notice I didn't say Robert Novak... yet. Shoot, for some weekly payment I can write it for you.
CeeBee
June 22, 2010 at 5:19AM EST Reply to CommentI thought the review was hilarious and spot on. I love True Blood, but let's get real. It's total camp. Only makes sense that the reviews should be too. I mean, it's not like this is a real drama. At least not after season one.
I didn't even think Leslie despised the show. She may (this is my first time here, so I don't know), but that doesn't come through in her writing.
All the haters here need to lighten up and get a sense of humor.
EtoileNoire
June 22, 2010 at 5:46AM EST Reply to CommentGood thing the show is more fun than the recap.
Mikey T
June 22, 2010 at 7:38AM EST Reply to CommentSome of you need to lighten up. This seems to be more of a "recap" than a review, which it clearly states on the top of the article as being a "recap". I didn't find it overly condesending, just having some fun describing the episode. The writer didn't seem to have an opinion one way or the other, which last time I checked is the purpose of the "recap".
Anti-Vamp
June 22, 2010 at 9:00PM EST Reply to CommentI adore Leslie Gornstein and would like to smell her panties.