Finally, it's Flashback Week on "Vampire Diaries!" Last week Elena figured out that her honey has fangs, but this week, shizz gets real. So, so real. In the best episode yet, truths are told, vampires are made, people die AND Ian Somerhalder dances around the living room with his shirt unbuttoned – what more can you ask for

[Full recap of Thursday (Oct. 15) night's "The Vampire Diaries" after the break...]

We pick up right where we left off last episode, with Detective Elena on Stefan's doorstep. Stefan opens the door only to step into... a flashback! It's Mystic Falls 1864. Stefan's rocking some chump hair, a bow tie, and old timey clothes when Katherine walks out of a carriage and into his life. [Questionable casting: Katherine's got a black female companion, who is most definitely not played by Katerina Graham. Is this Katherine's Bonnie? Is she, dare I say it, Katherine's slave? Or maybe just her maid? It's just sorta strange.] She and Stefan make love with their eyes, and then we're back in 2009.

Elena's on the doorstep demanding to know what Stefan really is. "You know," he says. But then he tells her anyway with a misty look in his eyes: he's a vampire. Elena tries to run away, but Stefan uses his vampire speed walk to run ahead of her. [Note to Stefan: doing freaky vampire things in front of your girlfriend after telling her you're a vampire will not calm her down.] He pleads with her to stay so he can explain, but she drives away and back to the safety of her house…

Where Stefan appears in her bedroom and prevents her from escaping, promising that he would never hurt her. Those animal attacks were all Damon, he explains. He only eats animals! He begs her not to tell anyone because that would put her in danger. She asks him to leave, then turns back around and he's gone. She locks the window behind him.

Out in the cemetery, Damon is snacking on the remains of Vicki's stoner friends. He douses their corpses with alcohol to set them on fire while calling Stefan to demand his ring back. They exchange insults while Damon tries to figure out where the ring is.

When he comes to finish off Vicki, the poor thing is STILL ALIVE. "You just don't want to die, do you?" he asks. Meanwhile I'm hoping he'll make her a vampire. Vicki the Vampire has such a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

Stefan emotes while posing -- I mean, waiting -- outside Elena's house as she sleeps. He's such a good vampire boyfriend! Because we all know that secretly stalking your girlfriends is like Rule #2 of being a sensitive, brooding, vampire boyfriend. Just ask Edward Cullen.

The next day, we see that Elena's still freaked out while she brushes her teeth. [I'd like to note the nice little nice touches in the mise-en-scène on this show, from the Jamie Lidell poster on Elena's wall to Nina Dobrev's baby pics on the mantel.]

However, she's agreed to meet Stefan to talk things over in a public place: the Mystic Grill! "When you Google vampire, you get a world of fiction," she complains. He'll tell her everything: Rings protect vampires. Crucifixes and holy water don't harm them. They also have reflections. [That last one's a given; they're too hot not to!]  Elena's outraged that Stefan let Damon use and abuse Caroline, and he agrees that it was totally not cool.

Back in the day, people in Mystic Falls knew all about their vampires. Now, it's dangerous for her to know. Stefan asks Elena to keep his secret, but she's not so sure she can.  She agrees to give him a day to convince her not to rat on him.

Caroline's Mom the Sheriff (does she have a name?) and Logan the News Guy are inspecting the stoner murder scene together when he whispers that Operation Steal Jeremy's Pocket Watch was a great success. Another cop finds Vicki's purse in the bushes, but they don't know if she's among the dead, charred bodies.

Back at the mansion, Damon's getting impatient waiting for Stefan to bring him his ring. Vicki's passed out on the couch, getting neck blood everywhere. Damon has a drink, which again begs the question – why drink? "I'm so gonna regret this," he says before biting his wrist to feed Vicki his own blood, which means, drum roll please… Damon's turning Vicki! A smashing development!

Stefan takes Elena into the woods to show her something: his old house. "I've been 17 years old since 1864," he admits. That makes him older than Edward! He wants to be as open as possible with her, which we think is really quite sweet. She's still wary.

["Twilight" Comparison Time: As Elena learns about Stefan's past in the woods, the camera circles them. Sound familiar, Twilighters?]

FLASHBACK: Stefan and Damon are wearing really theatrical old timey outfits and tossing a football in the courtyard. Damon looks like Huck Finn. Stefan asks Damon how one plays football, because football has just been invented! Katherine sashays her way into their view and flirts with Stefan. Compared to Elena, Katherine looks more mature, more confident, more carnal...

Stefan is literally chasing Katherine around the garden when Damon shows up in a comical looking Civil War getup; he's on leave from the Confederate Army! Katherine clearly likes the idea of them competing for her, and declares that one of them gets to take her to the Founder's Ball.

Back in the present, Sorta-Vampire Vicki has woken up a new woman. She bounds down the staircase in her skivvies after a shower, but has trouble remembering how she got to be standing in her underwear in the Salvatore house with Damon. He looks like he's gonna brain-boggle her with some lie about finding and helping her (out of her pants), but then deliciously reminds her what really happened: he ate her friends, tried to kill her, and then sort of turned her into a vampire. Vicki, to her credit, is totally cool with it -- she just wants another "hit." Once an addict, always an addict, eh?

[Side note: this is EXACTLY what I was hoping would happen with Vicki. Who wants to keep seeing her as a dependent, drug-craving floozie? Now she's a dependent, blood-craving floozie. I like her so much better already.]

And then, one of the hottest scenes thus far in the history of "The Vampire Diaries" happens: Damon and Vicki feed orgasmically on each other at the same time, which is pretty much the vampire way of doing it, no?

Meanwhile, Stefan tells Elena that he didn't care if he was taking something away from Damon; he just wanted Katherine. "He doesn't get mad," he explains. "He just gets even." Stefan tells Elena that the night he took Katherine to the Founder's Ball, Damon was with her, too. But it gets even better.

FLASHBACK: Stefan and Katherine are totally doing it in 1864. Stefan promises to love her forever. There's something creepy about Katherine, some ulterior motive behind her batting eyelashes. She notes that forever is a very long time -- which she knows as a fact, because, drumroll, please…Katherine IS A VAMPIRE! She pulls out her vampire face and chomps down on Stefan!

This episode is pretty frickin' awesome.

The next morning, Katherine's slave woman/maid is stringing up her corset when Stefan wakes up. Stefan is horrified, but Katherine works her vampire mojo on him so that he won't tell a soul what happened. Katherine reveals her ultimate plan: a future with two eternal boyfriends, both Stefan AND Damon! For 1864, that's some pretty advanced thinking.

Back in the present, Stefan explains that after turning both brothers into bloodsuckers, Katherine brainwashed them into not telling the other the truth. Stefan digs up Damon's ring, which was hidden in a hole in the ground. Elena thinks he should keep it hidden, but Stefan has decided to give it back in order to prevent Damon from going after the one soft spot Stefan still has: Elena.

Caroline's mom reports to Mayor Lockwood while he opens a safe hidden in the floor. Logan the News Guy strolls in to give him the Gilbert watch, which the Mayor fits into one of the other antique doohickeys. "It's ready," he says, before giving the contraption back to Logan.

Vicki is so all about being a sorta-vampire, she's dancing for joy in her underwear in the Salvatore living room. She's SO over Tyler! Curiously, when Vicki opens the curtains the sunlight doesn't bother her; she's still human. She rambles blissfully to Damon about how much Jeremy liked her for who she was, and when Elena dated Matt they always saw each other, and OMG, how come Damon doesn't have a girlfriend, because he's like TOTALLY hot?? Damon actually seems to be enjoying Vicki's company. Shockingly, she's way more tolerable than Caroline.

While they flit drunkenly about the living room, Damon tells Vicki that he was once in love, and that it was horribly painful. They go back to dancing like maniacs to a terrible contemporary cover of Depeche Mode's "All I Ever Wanted," which kicks off one of the weirdest scenes this show has ever had.

In a music-driven montage, Damon does vampire calisthenics by running and jumping from the living room to the balcony while gyrating with his shirt unbuttoned (which is just fine by me). He and Vicki dance their way upstairs to the bedroom, and just when you think things are gonna get sexy, Damon sees Katherine's photograph and gets all emo.

Cut to: Damon and Vicki slow dancing while she cries about her problems. Matt's got it all perfect, blah blah whine whine... "You are so damaged," Damon notices. He thinks he knows what will make her feel better: death! He snaps Vicki's neck, and she falls to the floor. She's dead!

But then, Vicki wakes up. Damon's covered two of the three bases: he fed Vicki his blood, killed her, and now she has to feed on a human in order to complete the process and become a full-fledged vampire. But Vicki's nursing the worst post-death hangover ever and is like, whatever dude, I'm outta here.

She stops by to see Jeremy, but by now she's got a headache, her eyes are burning, and she's reaaaaally hungry. Jeremy calls Matt for help, thinking that Vicki is just really high. On the TV, Logan the News Guy is reporting on the death of Vicki's stoner friends. Vicki's starting to exhibit vampire level skillz and strength when Elena and Stefan arrive; Stefan calms her down and has her taken upstairs to bed. He explains to Elena that Vicki is turning into a vampire, and that she has to have human blood or die. He also explains that the necklace he gave Elena at the football game contains vervain, which protects her from vampire mind control; she can decide whatever she wants at the end of tonight and know that her mind wasn't influenced by anyone.  

Upstairs, Jeremy is tending to Vicki. They hold each other, but she finds herself salivating over his pulsating human neck and rather than bite him, she runs away. Stefan leaves to track her.

Meanwhile, night has fallen in the woods and Logan the News Guy is using the Gilbert watch-doohickey like a compass, searching for something. He radios Caroline's Mom the Sheriff and her deputy, telling them to head to the cemetery.

Damon shows up at the Gilbert house, and finds that Elena is now afraid of him. He deduces that Stefan has told her the truth and muscles his way in to pass a message along to Stefan that he's looking for him.

Stefan finds Vicki in the Salvatore crypt at the cemetery, crying. She's starting to remember things, even that time that Stefan saved her from Damon on the rooftop way back when. He tells her that if she doesn't feed, she'll die. She's torn; she asks him if being a vampire is better but he can't answer her. Stefan is about to take her home when Logan the News Guy shoots him in the chest -- with a wooden bullet!

Moments before Logan is about to stake Stefan, Vicki stops him and -- like the loving undead brother we know he is -- Damon shows up and kills Logan with a swift nip to the neck. He reaches into Stefan and pulls out the bullet, noticing that it's made of wood. Someone's on to them. Damon then demands his ring back and puts it on. Stefan looks up to see Vicki desperately feeding on the still-alive Logan. Wearing a seriously gory face full of blood, she apologizes before running away.

Stefan returns to Elena and explains what happened. Vicki's now a vampire, but Stefan vows to try to teach her his vegetarian ways. Oh, and one more thing: they'll have to lie to Matt and Jeremy, something that goes against everything Elena believes in. Elena's seen and heard a lot about vampire life for one day.

Just when things seem to be hunky dory, Elena drops a bomb: she promises to keep Stefan's secret, but she can't be with him. That's right, Elena breaks up with Stefan! She goes into the house and collapses in tears while poor Stefan stands on the porch in his bloodied shirt, once again the loneliest vampire hottie in the world.

Next week: It's Halloween, and Vampire Vicki wants to have some fun!