Elijah is BACK! Or, at least it seems fair to assume he is, as Elena plucked the dagger out of his chest last week. I’m also assuming that Elena hasn’t come to her senses and decided that said plucking was a CRAZY thing to do and promptly plunged that dagger right back in. I know, I know, she’s trying to save Bonnie’s life, as the dagger can be used to kill that other pesky original Klaus so that dear Bonnie doesn’t go toes up using her witchy powers to do the same thing. But that sort of overlooks the little complication that Elijah will not have a dagger in his chest during that time, and he’s SO much more agreeable when he’s sort of dead. Elena has her heart in the right place, but I fear that by the time this episode is over the rest of her organs may be in the wrong place and mostly dead.
So, Elena waits around for Elijah to wake up. Which is taking much longer than I thought it would. But when he comes to, it’s quite the happening. As expected, he does not seem happy, especially because he’s having flashbacks to a time when people didn’t wash that often. Thinking Elena is Katherine, he remembers meeting her in England in 1492. And then he acts pretty dead again and Elena thinks, huh, maybe I should get someone. And then he springs to life like a black widow spider in your garage that you’ve beaten with a broom. This coming back to life thing is not so easy.
Elijah gets the hell out of the house, as he hasn’t been invited in and it seems to be ejecting him like a guy in an Ed Hardy T-shirt at a non-douchebaggy nightclub. He and Elena stare at each other, then Elena babbles something about trust GIVES HIM THE DAGGER. Holy crap, Elena has taken leave of her senses.
Meanwhile, Stefan watches his brother Damon snack on his sex slave/girlfriend/blood donor Andie Starr. He tells Damon to stop treating the poor thing like a walking blood popsicle, but he can’t get too worked up about it because he can’t find Elena! And Elijah is gone! Damon knows Elena did it. That wacky girl and her crazy hijinks!
Klaus/Alaric sends his witchy man Maddox to fetch his old body so he doesn’t have to keep rocking Alaric’s haircut, which seems an unnecessarily harsh assessment by Klaus. I mean, he could do much, much worse than Alaric who has a sort of young Harrison Ford thing going. Anyway, Klaus/Alaric reveals to Katherine that he can only undo the curse on him in the doppleganger’s birthplace. Katherine didn’t know this little detail, as she ditched him and fled England way back when Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue. But hey, he killed her family to get even, so it all worked out. I’d say that’s a little more than even, honestly. Klaus is SO mean!
Elena takes Elijah for a drive. She wants to help him if he’ll help her. Stefan calls Elena. He’s worried! Elena informs him that Elijah is a man of honor and she trusts him. Oh, and Stefan needs to butt out. Stefan tells her she’s off her damn nut. Elijah gives Elena a meaningful look and puts out his hand to take her phone, which she hands over. Oh yeah, Elena is so toast.
Stefan cannot believe Elena hung up on him! Yeah, that’s not the detail I’d be worrying about right now, Stefan. Damon is ready to go hunt some Elijah, but Stefan tells him he needs to back off. They need to trust Elena! Damon is not into this. But Stefan insists! I somehow suspect that Damon is going to do what he damn pleases.
Flashback! It’s 1492 again, and Lord Elijah introduces Katerina to Lord Niklaus at a party. Okay, he’s hot, but not so hot he should be sniffy about Alaric’s looks. Or hair. His ‘do looks like something Bea Arthur would wear on “The Golden Girls.”
Elijah and Elena go to visit the mayor so he can compel her to give him some clothes. Did he just happen to know her dead husband was exactly his size and had exquisite taste? Good call, Elijah.
Jenna calls Stefan. She can’t get in touch with Elena or Jeremy, those rascally kids! And she’s freaked, because Elena has left her all these wacky messages about how she should stay away from Rick (Alaric). And she has lunch plans with him, so what’s that about? Man, don’t you ever want to just shake Jenna until her head bobbles off? What part of “stay away from Rick” did she not understand? Stefan tells her to stay away from Rick (and leaves out “you dumbass,” which probably took some restraint). Since he knows just telling her to do something will have no impact, he’s going to rush over to talk to her so he can leave Damon alone to go rogue. If I had to pick which one was the bigger problem, I’d put my money on Damon going rogue, but go ahead, Stefan, hold Jenna’s stinkin’ hand.
Elijah and Elena chat at the mayor’s house. She gets him up to speed on the dead Martin witches and Katherine’s kidnapping by Klaus. Elijah has another flashback! We learn that Elijah and Klaus are brothers. Elena can’t believe it! Elijah says the term she’s looking for is OMG. Elijah is pretty with it for a guy who dates back to a time when Trevor was spelled with an f.
Damon decides to go rogue with his girlfriend/blood donor, which sounds more like a date than going rogue, but whatever. The two of them go to Alaric’s pad and discover Katherine. So, that’s a plus. The problem is that when Stefan goes to Jenna’s pad, he discovers Klaus/Alaric. That would be a minus.
Meanwhile, Elijah is giving Elena a history lesson on late 1400s vampirisim. His father was a wealthy landowner in Eastern Europe. His mother had seven kids. And they are the oldest vampires in the world. And how they became vampires is much too long of a story for a one hour television program, so Elijah skips it.
Back at Alaric’s pad, Damon tells Katherine he has vervain, which won’t undo Klaus/Alaric’s compulsion but it will stop further compulsions. But before he gives it to her, he wants to know why she double-crossed them with Isobel. She had a better shot with Klaus. Duh. I mean, did Damon think it was a more complex answer than that? He and Andie leave. Not sure why Damon dragged Andie along, as she hasn’t been much of a fixture in the last few episodes, but I guess it made him feel all Nancy Drew to have an actual investigative reporter knocking on the door.
Things are weird at Jenna’s house. Klaus/Alaric tells Jenna he’s through with keeping secrets. His secret is… he’s obsessed with vampires! Stefan reveals that he likes Bram Stoker. Klaus/Alaric and Stefan glower at one another and pace around Jenna’s kitchen. Jenna thinks they’re both psycho.
Elijah and Elena go for a lovely stroll. Elijah informs Elena that originals can’t be killed. Oh, and the curse of the sun and the moon that affects werewolves and vampires? Totally fake. I guess reanimating Elijah was totally useful!
Klaus/Alaric keeps slinking around Jenna’s kitchen babbling about vampires and Jenna gets sick of it and orders him to leave. He isn’t going anywhere, so she decides to leave. Klaus/Alaric doesn’t like this and grabs a knife. Stefan goes all speedy vampire on him, which inspires Jenna, truly the thickest of the thick, to stand there babbling, “But! Wha? But!” while Stefan holds a knife to Klaus/Alaric’s throat and orders her to get the hell out. Meanwhile, Klaus/Alaric threatens to move into her body if Stefan kills him. If I heard that someone was considering moving into my body for any reason, I’d be making a beeline for the door, but Jenna is simply not! Grasping! What! Is! Going! On! I know, everyone’s been keeping Jenna in the dark for her own good, but really, I can’t imagine she’d be any more of a complete pain in the ass if someone got her up to speed on the whole vampire thing.
Elijah informs Elena that there is a curse, and it’s just on Klaus. And he’s just about to spill the details when he decides Elena’s phone is so annoying she needs to answer the damn thing. Stefan is on the line and tells her she needs to see Jenna immediately! She knows! She’s traumatized! Oh no! Stupid Jenna! Elena tells Elijah she must go to her. Jenna is family! She’ll be right back, promise! Elijah lets her, as she will prove herself trustworthy if she returns. What if she gets a flat tire? Does he even have a cell phone? I think maybe he should just ask her to call if she can’t make it. Only fair.
Elijah ponders life. Flashback! Katerina doesn’t know why Klaus courts her. She wants more from a relationship. Elijah doesn’t believe in love. He is touched by Katerina’s romanticism. I see a little crush happening! Klaus shows up all bloody and takes Katerina away. Elijah moons for Katerina. I know she’s cute, but all these guys act like she’s the only thing with a double X chromosome on the planet.
Elena rushes to Jenna. Elena is SUPER sorry for not telling Jenna about this whole vampire thing. Jenna’s totally mad to be the last person in on the big secret. Jenna is supposed to be protecting Elena and Jeremy, not the other way around! Honestly, if Elena and Jeremy needed Jenna as a protector, I think Jenna would have already been hauled off by Social Services. Anyway, Stefan and Elena seem to think all this information will kill Jenna. She’s in shock! Will she be okay? Okay guys, she’s freaked out; she hasn’t been hit by a car.
Elena tells Stefan and Damon she has to go back to Elijah. She promised! Stefan doesn’t like it, but Damon really doesn’t like it. The brothers glower at one another.
Meanwhile, Katherine’s getting hammered in Klaus’ apartment. For someone who’s being held hostage and has been told she’s going to die, Katherine’s in a pretty good mood. But the party ends when Klaus/Alaric returns. Shortly thereafter, Maddox arrives and produces lots of luggage and Greta. Oh, and a suitcase containing Klaus’s body.
Elena returns to Elijah, who continues his AP class in vampirisim. Klaus is not his father’s son, as his mom got it on with another guy. Surprise, surprise, Klaus’ no-longer-dad didn’t like this and killed his wife’s lover and his entire family, thus creating the war between the werewolves and vampires. So, Klaus is both werewolf and vampire! Because witches don’t like an imbalance of power in the world, they cursed Klaus to make his werewolf side dormant. Unfortunately, if he succeeds in shaking off their curse he could create a super breed of werepires or vampwolves that would be mightier than either werewolves or vampires alone. Not good. And that nifty dagger? Because Klaus is half werewolf, the silver won’t hurt him. So, the only way to kill him is, yes, a witch. Elena is so bummed. Time to get Bonnie killed again. Drat.
But then, it’s time for another flashback! Elijah and Klaus are arguing. Klaus wasnts to kill Katerina, but Elijah wants to find another way to break his curse. Klaus thinks Elijah has feelings for Katerina. What is she, vampire catnip? I guess that’s vampnip, actually.
Stefan and Damon are still all glowery with one another. Stefan accuses Damon of loving his girlfriend! Damon doesn’t deny it! Stefan tells Damon he has the one thing from Elena he never will. Her respect! Speedy vampire fighting ensues.
Another Elijah flashback! Hey, they had to get some mileage out of those costumes, I guess. Klaus is pissed at Elijah because Katerina is gone. He promises to find her. Klaus promises to kill his ass if he doesn’t. Boys, boys!
Elijah and Elena go to the Salvatore boys’ house. Elijah promises he won’t hurt the brothers if they just apologize. That seems reasonable enough. Elijah is shaping up to be quite the nice guy. And I’m guessing we shouldn’t believe that whatsoever.
Elena promises Damon that Elijah has informed her that Bonnie will be able to kill Klaus and not die. She found another way! Nyah-nyah! Damon is not impressed. Damon won’t apologize to Elijah. Damon storms off. Stefan being Stefan, he apologizes and swears he won’t let anyone touch Elena. Elijah and Stefan have a bonding moment. They are SO similar! Or at least that’s what Elijah wants us to believe!
Damon is cranky. He storms into his room and finds Andie in a bra and panties. He is SO NOT IN THE MOOD for her and her compassion and her sexy talk! And she won’t leave! So he takes a bite out of her. Then compels her to leave before he kills her. Which is really the nice thing to do. But I suspect Andie will be back. She has a thing for bad boys and she’s a quart or ten low, so I suspect she won’t be thinking clearly for a while.
Some witchy stuff happens with candles in Alaric’s apartment and Klaus gets his body back. And he looks so much better with short hair.
So, it seems Elijah is firmly on team Salvatore or team Elena or at least the good guy team, which I am hugely distrustful of. Although Elijah does have every right to be a bit irritated with Elena and friends, as they did kind of kill him for a while. But is he actually willing to kill his half-brother? And was he telling the truth about his history and the curses? It’s not like anyone can exactly look that up in a textbook or Google it or anything. I suspect Klaus might be around for quite a while, which isn’t a bad thing. I mean, the more hot vampires, the merrier, right?
Do you think Elijah can be trusted? Do you think Klaus will be able to break his curse? And do you think Jenna is pretty damn irritating?