I guess the werewolves who survived last week’s bloodbath are hiding in the woods, crying for kibble and looking into open dog positions. Or at least that’s what any werewolf who doesn’t have a speaking part in this episode should consider doing, because they’re probably going to last as long as a nameless red shirt on the Star Trek Enterprise. Anyway, that hot lupine couple Jules and Brady aren’t going down without a fight. Well, okay, another fight. They want that moonstone and they want it now!
[Full recap of Thursday's (Feb. 10) "Vampire Diaries" after the break...]
After they take the bodies of a few extras and move them around in a way that looks purposeful without actually making the effort to bury anybody, it’s time to chat with Tyler. Stuttering wolf-nerd Stevie provides the exposition to explain the whole sun-moon curse deal. Tyler still looks confused.
Stefan calls Elena to find out how her slumber party went. It went well, so she’s feeling frisky. She wants to go away with him for a romantic weekend. Apparently Auntie Jenna is totally useless in the parental guidance department, because it’s no big deal for a clearly underage girl to go traipsing off into the woods to get it on with a guy who looks about 25 but is really 162. That’s what I call May-December romance.
Hey, Andie Starr isn’t dead! Go figure. Damon’s keeping her around for some reason. He compels her to believe she’s super duper in love with him. Andie practices tying her scarf creatively so no one guesses part of her throat is missing.
Damon finds out that O.V. (Original Vampire) Elijah is going to do some press about a book he wrote about old town Virgina. Those wacky vampires and their publishing acumen! Alaric asks Damon not to kill Elijah at the tea party, because it would be totally gauche and it’s so hard to get blood stains out of good linens.
Witchy Bonnie explains to her slumber party buddy/bloodsucker pal Caroline she has a plot to force Luka to tell her everything he knows about Elijah’s big plans. But Caroline can’t give that very important news any attention at all, because Matt is shining her on. But why? Why? Matt glowers and Caroline makes a sad, frowny face.
Scaredy-wolf Tyler finds Jules in the forest and tells her she’d better be getting gone. And she will… just as soon as Tyler helps her find the moonstone. Psych! Tyler is getting really sick of this stupid rock everyone’s so excited about. So, Jules explains the sun and moon curse to him. Tyler could give a crap about the curse until Jules points out that he wouldn’t ever have to change again if it’s lifted. Zoinks! Tyler likes that idea. He’s kind of a scaredy-wolf.
So Tyler’s down with finding the stupid rock… but then Jules mentions that they also need his help to find some evil vampire named Kathy. Man, these werewolves and their hidden agendas! By luck, wolf-nerd Stevie has a picture of her on his iPhone. Mason thinks she looks just like Elena! Doppleganger!
But none of this is important, because Caroline does not feel the warmth of Matt’s love! She begs Matt to talk to her. Matt points out she’s a dirty, dirty liar. Oh, that. Well, he’s not wrong. But then Tyler bumps into her, spills her purse, and steals something. Caroline is having the worst day!
Oh, Tyler took her phone so he can text Elena pretending to be Caroline and find out where she’s going to be. And then have his friends go kick her ass or something.
Anyway, Stefan and Elena finally go to the lake house. Elena hasn’t been there since… before… She has a moment. Stefan emotes in her general direction. This weekend away is becoming a depressing foreign movie and they haven’t even gotten out of the damn car yet.
Bonnie puts her plan to suck information out of Luka’s brain into action. This is done through slipping a witch roofie into an iced coffee with extra whipped cream. As if the saturated fat and sugar wasn’t bad enough! Jeremy and Caroline help Bonnie drag Luka to the car. This is what I call a really, really bad date.
Elena and Stefan look out onto the lake and snuggle. She asks Stefan to talk about the future. But it’s a box they shouldn’t open! Stefan’s like, hey, open it. But Elena wants to live in the moment! Stefan tells her he loves her. And it is the future! Okay, then how about both of you stop talking and just make-out or something?
Damon and O.V. Elijah get a room together at the tea party. But Damon just wants to talk. He demands to know what’s going on. Elijah is not talking. Instead, he drives a pencil through Damon’s neck and tells him to keep Elena safe.
Uncle Daddy John is also at the tea party. He tells Alaric he doesn’t want him in the house anymore and he wants the ring Isobel gave him. And he’s going to narc on him to Jenna. I think Jenna’s going to assume John’s off his bean if he starts talking about werewolves and vampires to poor, clueless Jenna, but Alaric looks scared nonetheless.
Elena dreamily watches Stefan cook. Do vampires eat? I mean, something other than people? Elena wanders around the house thinking about her parents. Wow, that’s a way to get into the mood, Elena. She gives Stefan her dead great grand dad’s jacket and tells him he looks hot. So Stefan wants to do it in her parents’ bedroom. And just as they’re about to do it, the censors at the CW step in and Stefan just happens to find a hidden room behind the wall he’s banging Elena into. I wonder if this will come in handy very, very soon? And it has ancient looking weapons! Oh boy!
Bonnie, Jeremy and Caroline plop Luka on the floor and light some candles so Bonnie can get all witchy-poo. Caroline points out to Bonnie that Jeremy has a huge crush on her, but Bonnie’s not into it. Luka was deceitful and stuff, but at least she hadn’t grown up with him. Ewww, history!
Damon and Alaric have a drink. Alaric asks Damon not to kill Andie, because Jenna would be super mad. Alaric is always asking Damon not to kill people. Alaric is a killjoy.
Wolf attack! Alaric gets stabbed and Stevie drugs Damon. And Damon thought getting choked by Elijah was a bummer.
Meanwhile, in her previously-hidden-but-probably-useful closet space, Elena discovers the other Jonathan Gilbert journals. Stefan gives her a moment. Elena is having a lot of moments in this episode. Stefan needs to go outside and chop firewood. He cooks, he chops firewood, he finds hiding places, this vampire’s a keeper!
Bonnie does her witchy-poo magic on Luka, who reveals that he’s helping Elijah because he also wants to kill Klaus. Klaus has his sister. Oh, and Elijah sort of needs Elena to die in a human sacrifice so Klaus will be weakened sufficiently for killing. That sneaky Elijah!
Before Stefan can get very far with the chopping, Brady shoots him. Brady makes Tyler watch over Stefan. Since he’s feeling very anti-vamp, he shoots him, too. But then Stefan informs him Elena has to die to break the curse. Tyler feels pretty bad about the shooting stuff. Poor Tyler.
Brady goes Elena hunting. Elena stabs him a few times and runs around the house. Then Stefan yanks Brady’s heart out. Tyler is a crappy watchman but a pretty good friend. Still, Tyler is confused. He doesn’t know who to trust! He needs a hug. So Elena hugs him. Elena is like the Oprah of the CW.
Back at Damon’s place, the werewolves are ready to start torturing him to find out where the moonstone is. Damon isn’t talking, so this could take a while. But then Elijah shows up, produces the moonstone, kills a bunch of werewolves and frees Damon. And he does it without ever messing up his hair!
Time for some quick exposition! Bonnie calls Damon and tells him about the whole Elena killing thing. Damon calls Stefan and tells him about the whole Elena killing thing. Oddly enough, he seemed to already know this to tell Tyler about it, but let’s just ignore that. Stefan tells Elena about the whole Elena killing thing. Elena’s totally cool with it. Stefan thinks she’s an idiot.
In other news, Bonnie tells Jeremy he’s hot and sweet, like a chicken wing. And she kisses him. So, Luka can suck it.
Tyler starts doing all those things that usually indicate someone wants to kill themselves but in this case, he’s just leaving town. He tells Matt he should be with Caroline because she’s an awesome girl. He leaves a note for his mom. All he has to do is give away his prized collection of comic books, but that we don’t see. And then he gets in the car with Jules to drive far, far away. Or something. He makes Jules promise that there will be no more lies. She promises. Liar!
Do you think Elena is being a big dummy? Do you think Damon can kill Elijah? And where do you think Jules is taking Tyler?