Nice dead palm tree halter pantsuit, Cat. Seriously, who dresses this woman? Are they visually impaired, and do they have an under-the-table deal with Wal-Mart? I've seen better quality fabric on napkins at Dennys. But I guess it takes a special talent to make a tall, glamorous Englishwoman look like a low-rent drag queen, so hey, hats off to them.

[Recap of Thursday (June 25) night's "So You Think You Can Dance," complete with results, after the break.

Anyway, the opening dance was apparently a tribute to fringe and "Flashdance," which I can't really say is a good thing. The overheated writhing just wasn't sexy, especially once everyone was slightly damp had on these "ugh, I'm in a sticky, wet swimsuit" faces, but that may have had less to do with their underwear being soggy and more to do with facing elimination. Or mourning celebrities they'd never met, because apparently we needed to take a few moments of precious air time to do that tonight, because CNN, MSNBC, the network news, TMZ, Entertainment Tonight and Extra totally dropped the ball on that count. Oh, wait, they didn't.

It was left to Nigel to pay tribute to the Holy Trinity of Ed, Farrah and Jacko, and while he got a little off track remembering how Farrah taught him to make a pie and somehow ended up giving Michael Jackson credit for creating "SYTYCD," kudos to him for giving equal time to all three celebrities. Too bad the producers of the show couldn't be bothered to find more than one headshot each of Farrah and Ed, but could be bothered to slap up the "Thriller" video. Because, again, that didn't air anywhere else.

 

Asuka and Vitolio

Status: In danger

Whoa, didn't see this one coming. They were so cute! And he kissed her tears away! The guy's a friggin' orphan! And, you know, she cries and stuff! Where are your hearts, America? If you're so stuck on a hack like Phillip, can't you throw a sympathy vote to these guys? Jeez.

 

Janette and Brandon

Status: Safe

These two are just too damn good to end up in the bottom three. In fact, why don't we just give them one of those fast forward passes they have on "The Amazing Race," so they can go directly to the top four? Oh, wait, then we wouldn't get to see them dance. Forget I said that.

 

Randi and Evan

Status: Safe

The butt made the cut, to quote Cat, and I wouldn't have expected anything less. They're likable, they're talented, and their pocket-sized. You ask me, that's a triple threat.

 

Jeanine and Phillip

Status: Safe

Boy, I just wanted to smack that lip-quivering smirk right off Phillip's big, mushy face. Can't you see this guy sucks, America? Stop voting, right now!

 

Melissa and Ade

Status: Safe

Duh. Of course they were safe. These two, like Randi and Evan, are just too good not to be in the finals.

 

Karla and Jonathan

Status: In danger

Nigel took no pride in predicting they'd be in the bottom three, but I'll be honest – I was a little thrilled. While Karla has some moves, Jonathan really needs to get his ass to Disneyland.

 

Caitlin and Jason

Status: In danger

This is a drag. I think both of these guys are truly talented, but they haven't really been able to break out of the pack. And you'd think the Princess Leia/Ben-Hur costumes would have melted voters' hearts.

 

Kupono and Kayla

Status: Safe

Well, this is a bit of a surprise, only because Kayla ended up in the bottom two last week with a routine the judges truly liked. But maybe America realized, oh crap, you actually have to vote for the front runner to keep them around.

Toni Basil (who, even without her crazy cat lady hat still brought the wacky with a big blob of a hairdo) wasn't shy about saying that Karla and Jonathan sucked big time, which just made me want to send her fan mail and maybe a more flattering box of dark brown hair color. She was absolutely right, and even if it made "the hip hoppers'" faces scrunch up, they had to know she spoke the truth. They weren't street, they lacked funk, and man, it sucked.

This week's "special" guest from the world of dance was the Rage Boys Crew, which proved that quantity is no substitute for quality. This jumbled-up horde of kids couldn't do much of anything in synch, and the whole routine looked like a prep school phys ed class run amok. So of course, Cat Deeley had to get down on her knees in her Wal-Mart dress and bow to a bunch of, let's be honest, sorta spastic kids. Yes, another "SYTYCD" shining moment.

Thankfully, it was a short one, and we quickly moved on to the solo dances.

 

Asuka

Oh, oh no. Why does Asuka always get out the stripper routine when she has to dance for her life? And girlfriend, that dress is not helping matters.

 

Vitolio

This guy dances like he wants to win. And hopefully, that's enough.

 

Karla

Um, what was that? But I'll give her points, because even though that looked like something I saw at one of those "authentic native experiences" when I was in New Zealand, it was definitely different.

 

Jonathan

Sweetie, Disneyland called, they said your Prince Charming costume is ready for pick-up.

 

Caitlin

She threw in some slick gymnast moves and a little ballerina shtick, so hopefully the judges will applaud her for trying to mix it up and not wave their usual big, bad "too much stuff" stick. Because seriously, she rocked.

 

Jason

This routine looked a little frantic, and the Huck Finn outfit was a bit distracting, as if he was in a rush to go whitewash a fence but had to bust a move first.

 

The musical guest for the evening was The Veronicas, who were so rehashed '80s they made me feel really, really old. And um, isn't "Take Me On the Floor" a big, blatant rip-off of a Kim Wylde song? Hey, if you can recycle the fashions, what's a little copyright infringement? Good times.

Nigel says Caitlin has shown growth and lets her sit down, which she does, even though she seems so freaked out she almost can't walk off the stage.

Karla was given a proper rap on the head for being off-center and fumbling her dance, but, properly admonished and publicly humiliated, she gets the carrot at the end of the stick, which is another week to stick around.

Asuka is dubbed an "exciting" performer (see previous stripper comment), but Nigel says she isn't growing and sends her home. They didn't show his reaction, but I bet Vitolio is gonna FREAK. Man, I hope these two date someday.

Nigel sighs that the decision to send one of the guys home is not unanimous, and I'm never really sure why they tell us this, because it certainly wouldn't make me any better as I'm packing my bags to trudge home in defeat, but okay, it's what they do.

Vitolio doesn't always deliver on his promise, Jonathan is complimented with "good-looking," which seems like faint praise indeed, and Jason is told he looked desperate. But Jason and Vitolio get another week, and Disney's new featured performer, Jonathan, is sent packing. To which I say, go judges! I mean, how could you not send him home after Toni Basil basically came just short of saying he was walking Wonder Bread? And don't feel too bad for him, as he'll have a long and rich career working children's birthday parties and theme park parades. It could be worse, right?

 

So, did the judges make the right choices or did they send home your favorites?


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