We're going into the finale, everyone, so brace yourselves! Two more dancers are going home. And you know it's going to suck, because at this point no one really deserves to go home. So, yes, Cat, you can say it. Thursdays are not fun, or at least not anymore.

[To find out how un-fun Thursday (July 30) night's "So You Think You Can Dance" was, click through...]

We start the show with a big group dance from Tyce D'Orio (Toasty Oreo rocks!)... set to Judy Collins' "Where Are The Clowns." And, because Toasty's taking this epic shlock pop song literally, everyone's wearing a clown costume. And it's slow and sort of beautiful because I'm not one of those people who's terrified of clowns, but oh GOD do we have to listen to this song? Really? I feel like I'm trapped in an elevator circa 1976 and I want to hit the emergency button just to drown out the music, even if the blaring siren makes me deaf and/or crazy. But can I say how cute Evan looks in a little clown costume with his hair all punked up? You just want to put him in your purse and feed him Scooby Snacks.

Cat appears in a bright green nightmare to tell us we're going to see four Emmy-nominated routines from last season to fill this achingly long hour with lots and lots of dances we love enough to see... again. Sean Paul will also be on the show. Cat says he's a a reggae superstar, but is he really? I think that's overrstating it, honestly.

Then, because even stuffing this episode full of Emmy-winning fun, we still have minutes and minutes to fill between commercials, we have a flashback to... last night. Really? Don't people have TiVo? Can't you run another Mary J. Blige commercial for... I think it's a phone. Which means I haven't been thoroughly brainwashed yet. Anyway, I won't get into the Greatest Hits of Last Night, because hey, you can just read yesterday's recap.

Finally, finally, it's time to get to work crushing the dreams of two of the top three girls. Or maybe just maiming the dreams of two girls with the option to crush one completely later in the show.

 

Jeanine

Status: Safe

To this I say... okay. There's just no way to be upset about any of these girls making it into the finale.

 

Melissa

Status: In danger

Uh-oh. Last night's quick step was not necessarily her best work. And, up against judges' favorite Kayla, her odds don't look good.

 

Kayla

Status: In danger

I can't imagine Kayla is going home, although it would be funny to see both Mary and Nigel throw themselves on the floor in screaming tantrums, berating the intelligence of the American public while they thrash away.

Well, that was just exhausting (yes, Cat, Thursdays suck, we know, we know). Now it's on to Silence by Toasty Oreo. And it's fine and good and, well, we've seen it before, so how excited can we be? It's an elimination show, so anything we watch for the first 50 minutes just feels like torture, no matter how good it is, really.

Then, it's time to put the boys on the block.

 

Ade

Status: In danger

This may not be Ade's day. But the only dancer I feel all that strongly about on the guys' side is Brandon. Both Ade and Evan have had problems with footwork and grasping certain styles. They both have winning personalities, although Ade is a little more laid back. Hard to say.

 

Evan

Status: In danger

I love little Evan. He's just adorable. But I do feel a lot of people, thinking exactly what I've been thinking, are voting for him to go the distance because they think he's cute as a button. Not to say he's not a great dancer, but let's be honest. He's meant for Broadway. When he's had to bring the sex appeal, it's like watching your kid brother get it on at the junior prom.

 

Brandon

Status: Safe

Seriously, if Brandon wasn't in the finale, I think there might be an uprising. After slamming Mia and Lil ‘C for their lack of love for the Big B, Mary tells Brandon she's always been in his corner and tells him he'd better have some damn self-esteem, because he's great in every way, and then she gets all screetchy and I can't pay attention anymore.

Then, it's time for another Emmy-nominated routine from Mia Michaels, which is pretty hot in a violent way, which seems about right for Mia Michaels.

And then ANOTHER Emmy-nominated routine, this time "A Los Amigos" from Dmitry Chaplin, which has a hot tango or cha-cha or something vibe going on, which would be much sexier if Chelsea wasn't wearing a dress that looks like purple hair.

Time for solos! Dance for your lives, kids, even though, hey, it makes no freaking difference! Yay!

 

Melissa

God, I know she's probably going home, but it's such a shame. For what is (probably) her last dance, she busts out the toe shoes again, and she's undeniably a great dancer. And old dancers (not that 29 is old, mind you) rock!

 

Ade

Okay, lots of writhing and jumping that has nothing to do with the music. Ade's on the chopping block, and it's only after his solo that I think, well, that's not such a bad thing.

 

Then, it's time for the first winners of "America's Best Dance Crew," the JabbaWockeeZ. They break it down old school style, which is kind of fun, though certainly pales next to some of the routines we've seen on the show. Like the masks, though. It gives a certain serial killer je ne sais quoi to the proceedings that you have to appreciate.

After the break, it's time for "Bleeding Love" by Tabitha and Napoleon D'umo, which I feel like I've seen a hundred times because there's that excerpt at the beginning of the show each week. But all I can think about is how much I hate this song, and what an unfortunate choice it is for a hip hop routine, and how creepy it is when he "cuts her open" and steals her heart. What with the clowns at the beginning of the show and the masked serial killers and the Mia Michaels routine, this episode has really taken a dark turn, I'm serious.

 

Kayla

Good lord, this girl may not have bones, she has such incredible reach. Again, I'd hate to see White Lightning go.

 

Evan

Okay, I'll admit it. I've rooted for him because he has so much personality. And he is a truly gifted dancer. But do I think he's top four? Okay, maybe. Sure, why not? Look at that little smile. Don't you wanna go all Mia Michaels and pinch his little cheeks? Nigel said this show is all about stars, and hey, Evan's a star. Even if his samba is about as sexy as a root canal.

 

Sean Paul then takes the stage to do his thing, which is fine, but honestly, this guy hasn't been all that relevant for the last five years. But it can't be Katie Holmes every week, now, can it?

Okay, it's go time. Cue ominous violins.

The last girl in the finale is... Kayla. Melissa is going home. And I'm so sad. I loved the Iron Butterfly. Oh no, she's tearing up a little. Don't cry, just keep it inside, learn how to hide your feelings, girl! Oh God, I've got bad ‘70s music in me now. Anyway, I have to believe that this show has opened up some doors for Melissa if she chooses to step outside of the ballet world. And you know she'll be back on the show next season, because the cancer dance is absolutely getting an Emmy, I'm serious.

Nigel says there are no losers on the show, and adds that the only losers are in the dance world because Merce Cunningham died, which is an awkward segue, but really, what can you say at a moment like this?

The last guy in the finale is... Evan. Ade is going home. Is that right? I don't know. No way should Evan beat Brandon in the finale, I'll say that. But Ade, yes, had flaws, although he was one hell of a disco dancer. And now that I'm getting all sentimental, I guess the hair pick wasn't so bad. He gets a little weepy, too, and he seems like such a nice guy. Aw, man.

Yes, Cat, Thursdays suck. We know. But the finale is going to be pretty damn awesome, you know it.

 

What do you think of the final four? Who do you think deserves to win? And who are you sad to see go?