It’s time for another edition of the half-hour-too-long “Project Runway.” While I now find myself strangely drawn to Garnier products when I’m at Target, I have to say I haven’t found the newer, longer “PR” particularly rewarding. Except for the episode when Gwetchen lost her friggin’ mind. That, I could have watched the ten-hour director’s cut. I can only hope there are more Gwetchen meltdowns coming, or I’m going to start buying conditioner in cheap green bottles and it’s not going to be pretty.

[Full recap of Thursday's (Sept. 9) "Project Runway" after the break...]
 
Anyway, let’s get to it. Now that Peach is gone, April is not looking forward to moving in with Gwetchen, Ivy and Valerie. Because two-thirds of her new roommates are inherently evil. But of course, all of them squeal with excitement when she comes in, because evil tends to hide itself behind smiling faces and cheerful greetings on the apartment chalkboard.
 
Meanwhile, Michael C.’s feelings are hurt because no one cared that he won. Andy resists the urge to tell him he sucks. Wow, Andy, that’s big of you. How many challenges have you won, Andy? I actually think Andy’s very talented, but seriously, could everyone stop being so nasty to Michael C.? He’s got that sad bloodhound kind of face, and it just feels like everyone’s picking on the fat kid during recess.
 
Heidi tells the designers they’re going to brunch! With Tim! And they should have fun! Mwahahahaha! Okay, she doesn’t laugh like that, but you know she’s thinking, hehe, suckers. Because fun is never really fun on “PR.”
 
Anyway, brunch is apparently code for meeting with Michael Kors and being ordered to create some resort wear. Oh, and they get a boat ride, which will include brunch, and some Michael Kors sunglasses. Oh, and the brunch? Ritz crackers and cut up melon. And the designers have to start sketching during the boat ride. I’m expecting Tim to tell them all that they’ll need to go into the engine room, pick up some oars and start rowing, just because.

So, back at Parsons, everyone looks over their sketches. April is doing a resort outfit as if the model were taking a resort vacation at an asylum. I kind of love April, even if she makes diapers.

 
After a frantic visit to Mood, Tim walks in with a velvet bag. The little velvet bag strikes fear in all the designers’ hearts, because they know it’s never a good thing. Tim reveals that everyone is pairing up, and each designer will be executing his or her partner’s outfit. Eeeek!
 
Valerie is teamed with Andy
Michael C. is with Mondo. Mondo now wants to kill himself or, more likely, Michael C.
April is with Christopher
Casanova is with Gwetchen
And, finally, Ivy is with Michael D. Ivy thinks Michael D.’s skill level sucks, but she likes him anyway. Gee, isn’t that sweet of her?
 
Mondo and Michael C. kick things off with brutal honesty. Mikey admits he’s a slow sewer and doesn’t know how to use patterns, and Mondo tells him his construction is awful. This is not going to be pretty.
 
I still don’t think Casanova is a good designer, but I’m starting to love him a little because he’s just damn funny. Apparently, Gwetchen is micromanaging (no, it can’t be true!) and he finally says, “Oh my gosh, she believed that I am a retard.” Which is hugely politically incorrect and I shouldn’t even repeat it, but the way he says it? Kinda priceless.
 
Mondo does not look happy. He thinks he’s going home. Until he realizes Michael C. is a good guy and he actually did a decent job on Mondo’s jacket. And Mondo actually apologizes for being a bitch.
 
Tim time! Except it’s not. Instead of Tim, Michael Kors will be commenting on everyone’s work.
 
First up, Gwetchen and Casanova. Michael thinks Casanova’s doing the grandma thing again. Gwetchen smirks, but Michael isn’t a big fan of her outfit, either, as it has way too much bordeaux going on. Casanova rightly points out that Gwetchen is fixated on her butt ugly color palette from the group challenge. I honestly think that’s because she wants to convince the judges that her opinion was right, and they were just too stupid to understand her vision.
 
Michael warns Mondo to be careful, as he’s got a lot of color (all of it neon) and a lot of pattern. I wouldn’t worry about Mondo. Mondo kinda hates Michael C.’s design, but guess what? Michael Kors doesn’t! He loves the fabric, which does look pretty cool.
 
April’s goth resort is a hit. Michael tells Christopher to let his fabric move.
 
Michael doesn’t get Ivy’s outfit. And the fabric is office, not resort. He does warn Michael D. not to let his little black dress become prison matron, but honestly, he seemed more appalled by Ivy’s outfit.
 
Michael tells Andy to watch his hems, but he really takes Valerie to task for her penchant for cadet blue and bordeaux, which he loathes. Ivy pouts.
 
Time for Valerie to call home. Which usually means she’s winning or losing, one or the other. So, she calls her mom and gets weepy. She feels that if she doesn’t make it to fashion week, everything dies. Valerie is a little dramatic, isn’t she?
 
Things are not going well between Ivy and Michael D. Ivy thinks Michael D. is a drooling idiot. When a grown man says “It would be great not to feel like a complete doo-doo head,” you know there’s been a demoralizing breakdown in communications.
 
Michael C. and Mondo are now besties. Mondo feels appropriately awful for being a dick to Michael C. And, amazingly, apologizes. This may be the unexpected feel-good moment of the season.
 
Time for the models to go to Garnier, blah blah blah, body tanning, blah blah blah.
 
As Tim promised, each designer gets to work on his or her own outfit for ten minutes before the runway. Ivy practically rips her garment out of Michael D.’s hands and starts sewing the whole damn thing together. Michael D. is just fine with that, because he’s a little tired of Ivy hovering over his shoulder and spewing orders like a tightly wound Korean dictator.
 
The judges are Michael, Nina and Kristen Bell. You know, I’m the first one to bitch about actresses in the judges’ chair, but I love Kristen Bell, so I’ll let it slide this time. I mean, come on, she was Veronica Mars, people!
 
Michael C.
His shimmery metallic jumpsuit is kinda cool. It has that ‘70s Bianca Jagger vibe and it definitely moves. But I’d expect nothing less from Mondo at the sewing machine.
 
Mondo
I’ll be honest. I hate neon. And this is a lot of neon. And it’s mismatched neon. And stripes. And prints. And a visor. Egads, who wears visors anymore? I love Mondo, but this is my least favorite thing of his he’s ever done.
 
Michael D.
This is actually kind of beautiful. I love the cut outs, I love the flow, and hey, I always love black.
 
Ivy
What the hell is this? It looks like something from the Chico’s catalog. Great if you’re a retired art teacher with a weight problem, not so good for anyone else.
 
Chrisopher
Cute top, though the walking shorts seem a little formal for resort. They’re well made, but it might be a little Macy’s bland.
 
April
This looks a little Frederick’s of Hollywood, but April gets points for trying something different. I love the structure of the top, though. And even though there are granny panties under the babydoll, they work. And aren’t white diapers.
 
Casanova
Look, it’s Laura Bush! Oh, wait, no, it’s another granny design from Casanova. Though I do like the draping of the top.
 
Gwetchen
Hey, it’s an unflattering potato sack! And it makes the model look pregnant! Awesome! But it’s Gwetchen, so she’ll be fine.
 
Valerie
I do not love this. The vest is just unflattering and looks too small. Plus, what’s with all the beige? Is this resort wear for the office or what?
 
Andy
I love the orchid color, the swimsuit is sexy, and the ombre finish on the cover up? Crazy gorgeous.
 
Heidi calls out Andy, Casanova, Mondo, April, Ivy and Michael D. Everyone else is free to go.

Andy, April and Michael have the highest scores. Ivy, Mondo and Casanova, the lowest. Ouch. Gwetchen predicts drama, as Michael D. is in the top and Ivy’s in the bottom. Gwetchen may be right.
 
First up, April. Michael thinks it looks like her, thinks the work that went into the top is brilliantly finished, and he likes the tough punk baby doll thing. Heidi thinks it’s hot without being vulgar. Kristen loved the dress and often describes herself as a super edgy punk baby doll, so she’d wear it on the red carpet.
 
Nina says Andy’s fabric choice is spot on and it looks expensive. Michael thinks a lot of women can wear it, and Kristen thinks it would look good on a size 12 or a size 2.
 
Michael D. sings Ivy’s praises. And she promptly throws him under the bus and says he doesn’t know how clothes come on or off. Seriously, Ivy? Wait your turn to trash the guy who, um, is in the winners’ circle. Michael cuts off the crazy and points out that Michael D.’s outfit works perfectly. Kristen thinks it’s effortless. Nina thinks it could work for women of many ages. Ivy quietly fumes.
 
Now, time to eviscerate the losers. Nina tells Mondo his outfit looks cheap and junior. Michael says complaining that you’ve never been to a resort is not a good reason to not know how to design resort wear. Kristen is confused, because it doesn’t look like an outfit for grown-ups. Michael thinks it’s a weird assemblage of clothes from the sales rack of Forever 21. It breaks my heart to say it, but they’re right on.
 
Then, Michael C. and Mondo sing one another’s praises, even though Mondo’s on the block. Which is kind of heartwarming, given how much of this season has been spent throwing the competition under the bus. I mean, it’s been like watching “Faces of Death: The MTA Edition” or something, seriously.  
 
Next, Ivy. Ivy explains her vision, then says she dumbed it down because Michael D. is incompetent. Michael Kors points out that Ivy didn’t buy enough fabric, and thinks the whole outfit is a yawn. Nina doesn’t think Ivy has the ideas to be a good designer. Nina is not wrong. I am so stinkin’ tired of Ivy. 

And then, it gets good. Heidi asks Michael C. why he’s rolling his eyes, and he admits that working with Ivy on a previous challenge was terrifying. Then, Ivy snaps at Michael C. Then, Heidi asks Ivy why she’s throwing Michael D. under the bus. Ivy denies under-the-bus throwing, but both Kristen and Heidi say, uh-uh, girlfriend, that so was under-the-bus throwing. This is getting so ghetto, I love it!
 
Sadly, before there’s any bitch slapping, it’s time to move on. Casanova admits he’s unintentionally making outfits for his grandmother. Heidi thinks it’s unfortunate. Michael thinks it’s great for a 70-year-old woman to wear to the mall. Kristen says it didn’t work. Nina thinks it’s mumsy and she doesn’t understand why he only designs outfits that are for women who want to be half-naked or are 70.
 
The judges chat. I think it’s Michael D., unless they hold Ivy’s outfit against him. And going home? I hope Ivy, though Casanova seems more likely.
 
Michael D. is… in. Which was fine with him, because he didn’t want to feel guilty for Ivy’s crap outfit. April is… the winner! Wow. Good for her. Andy is, of course, in.
 
Now, the losers. Mondo is… in. Heidi doesn’t even drag it out. I mean, you can’t send Mondo home. Ivy is… in. And Casanova is out.
 
Big hugs backstage between Michael D. and Ivy. And Casanova pretends to hang himself. Geez, I can’t believe I’m saying it, because I’ve wanted Casanova to go home since week one, but I’m sorry to see him go, as he had become comic relief and some other designers had emerged as so much more repugnant (Gwetchen, Ivy) I wasn’t as eager to see him get the boot. But yeah, I’m not crying that I won’t be seeing another outfit for the “Golden Girls” set, either.
 
Are you sad to see Casanova go? Do you think Ivy deserves the boot? And do you think Michael C.’s been unfairly vilified?