Oh ma God, two designers are going home on Thursday (Nov. 5) night's "Project Runway"! And then it's Bryant Park! Could you just die? Obviously, this is going to be a Very Stressful Week, so I expect screaming and bitching and Irina just generally being Irina and Christopher just being Christopher, which means lots of crying. So let the games begin!

[Full "Project Runway" recap, with double-spoilers, after the break...]

Irina and Althea are hating one another, which would be all kinds of awesome if they weren't so well-behaved and internal about it. Meanwhile, Christopher is lonely and honestly shocked he's the last guy in the final five. I'm pretty surprised, too. Sorry, Christopher, but Ra'mon mostly kicked your ass, even if he was kind of a jerk. I say Christopher should enjoy having a bathroom all to himself and move on.
 
So, the designers' big challenge is at the Getty. Except they don't know what the Getty is. Neither does Tim Gunn, because he calls it the heart of Los Angeles culture, which means he's been drinking some seriously museum-doctored Kool-Aid or maybe just drinking. If the Getty is the heart of Los Angeles culture, then Los Angeles is a very sad place indeed. Don't get me wrong, the Getty will occasionally host an exhibit of stuff that isn't from the 18th century, and it's a super fab place to have dinner, but seriously, that's like saying ‘Leave It to Beaver' is the apex of Hollywood television writing.
 
Anyway, Tim prattles on about how "PR" has embraced Los Angeles and Los Angeles has embraced "PR," and his voice actually shakes introducing Antonio Villaraigosa. Because, not being from Los Angeles, he does not realize that Villaraigosa will go to the opening of a 7-11 if he thinks there's going to be a video feed. I can't decide at this moment if I'm embarrassed for "PR" or I'm just embarrassed for Los Angeles. Let's call it a tie.
 
Villaraigosa vomits out some PR friendly babble, then it's time for the challenge. Which is that the Getty will be their inspiration. I wish "PR" would just stop being shy about their sponsorships and say the final designers have to take their inspiration from a bottle of Garnier Fructis shampoo, but whatever, the Getty's fine.
 
The designers love the Getty. Their models love the Getty. Everyone's happy at the Getty. The designers have half an hour to sketch. Irina wants to rip a plaque off the wall, because she's Meana Irina and she likes to destroy things, like human souls. Gordana makes the unfortunate choice of being inspired by Monet, which means her design will fit in perfectly at the Getty gift shop.
 
Anyway, it's off to Mood with $300 for 30 minutes. Tim is already grimacing over Christopher's fabric choices. Christopher says he was inspired by pond algae, so I'm thinking Christopher is going home. Pond algae is not usually a winner with the judges, I don't think.
 
Back at the apartment, things are getting tense. Gordana snaps at Irina and when Carol Hannah asks them to stop fighting in a very "I'm a traumatized child of divorce" kind of way, Gordana snaps at her, too. Everyone is cranky. Gordana may be menopausal. You never know.
 
Yay, it's Tim Gunn check-in time! Christopher tells Tim he's making a rock dress. Tim looks like he's going to faint, and not in a good way.  Tim makes a squawking sound when Carol Hannah wants to drape fabric across the bodice of her dress. When Irina says she wants to make a fleshy dress he makes an unhappy face, then says her use of fur looks like post-apocalyptic roadkill. Althea, however, gets a wow, which sounds good until he admits he's perplexed. Gordana starts to cry about Monet. And angels. But it's okay, because Tim is really impressed with her dress. Because if he wasn't, well, Gordana might gouge his eyes out with pinking shears.
 
Yay, it's time for the designers to carp about each other to the confessional camera! Carol Hannah worries that Althea picked the wrong fabric. Althea thinks Gordana's dress is pretty but not impressive. Irina thinks she's taking Tim's advice and leaving the fur off her dress. No one says anything crappy about Meana Irina, which is disappointing.
 
Oh, wait! Althea thinks Irina's outfit isn't wow. Irina thinks Althea sucks at finishing her outfits. And if this outfit is any indication, she's not wrong. It looks like she left it in a carry-on suitcase for a week. A carry-on suitcase that got lost for several weeks before being delivered to Althea's home in a slightly moldy minivan. Dammit, I hate it when Irina's right!
 
Finally, it's time for the runway. Our judges are designer Cynthia Rowley, Nina Garcia and freakin' Cindy Crawford. Who apparently has a picture of her old, craggy self in an attic somewhere, because she has not aged in the last ten years.
 
 
Althea
Okay, this looks better on the runway than I thought it would. But the model has this weird fabric bubble over her tummy that is not great and the top is all over the place.
 
Carol Hannah
While this outfit is a similar color to Althea's and has some of the same design elements, this looks much better made. I like the diaphanous bottom of the skirt.
 
Christopher
This isn't bad, but it's kind of blah. The bodice is nice, but it just doesn't pop. And what's up with the skirt?
 
Gordana
This is a very pretty dress, but I do wonder if that's enough for the judges, as there's not a lot to it. But sometimes they like simple. Who knows?
 
Irina
I love the back of this dress. Love, love, love it. But I'm not so sure about the proportions. It's big and baggy on top, and then a little too floppy on the bottom. But the leather lacing may make up for that. It's definitely different.
 
 
First, time to beat down Althea. Cindy thinks Althea is brave to try so much pleating. Cynthia appreciates the architectural inspiration but thinks the bottom is overworked and the top is underworked. Heidi goes right out and calls it a mess fest.
 
Next time to... wait, beat down Irina? Wow, never thought I'd see this happen. Nina likes the top but thinks the bottom is old lady. Cindy likes the color and inspiration but thought the shoes were a disconnect. Heidi wants to take off the jewelry and shoes. Who cares about the jewelry and shoes, people? Let's move on.
 
Uh-oh, Gordana's next. Heidi can absolutely see the connection with the painting. Nina wonders if Gordana can take a chance. Cindy could see herself wearing it. Cynthia doesn't love the zipper in the back.
 
Cindy didn't get Carol Hannah's inspiration. Nina thinks it's safe perfection. Let's just say the praise is muted.
 
Cynthia likes the top of Christopher's dress but thinks the fabric is too heavy. Cindy thinks the skirt didn't move well. Christopher is going home.
 
Then, Heidi asks him if he feels confident. Christopher starts crying. His model hugs him. Heidi looks like she regrets asking him anything. But no, we have to keep torturing the designers, because there are only five left and this is an hour show. Everyone has to say why they think they deserve to go to Bryant Park and which other designers should come with them. Which will have no impact on the judges but create lots of hurt feelings. Hurt feelings are, of course, good reality TV, so I guess it's a good question after all.
 
Gordana tells the judges she wants to go to Bryant Park because she used to dye fabric with onion skins. She thinks Christopher and Irina should come with her, because Christopher wants it so badly and Irina, well, duh.
 
Althea picks Carol Hannah and Irina. Carol Hannah picks Althea and Christopher. I'm a little surprised by how many people are picking Christopher, but then, I suspect they'd like to go to the finals with someone who isn't pure evil like Meana Irina.
 
Irina tells us she's an immigrant child of immigrant parents and she's a dreamer. She doesn't want to pick two people because, she says, everyone already says she's mean, but really, I'm sure it's because she thinks everyone else sucks. She finally picks Althea and Gordana.
 
Christopher picks Irina and Carol Hannah without crying. Good for you, Christopher!
 
Time for judges' chat! Everyone agrees Althea made a big old mess, but she pushed herself. Cynthia likes Irina's inspiration, Nina thought the bottom was dowdy while Cindy liked the clear vision she had. Heidi thought the top of Christopher's dress was great but the bottom was a jeans skirt. Cynthia thought the corset looked uncomfortable. Nina thinks he hasn't had enough experience to know what the right fabric is. Nina likes Carol Hannah's gown and thought it was impeccably made. Heidi loves Gordana's dress. Cindy loves her aesthetic. Nina doesn't know who Gordana is as a designer. Gordana is so going home.
 
Elimination time! AAAAGH! Okay, I'm a little nervous. But I kind of like the final five. Except for Meana Irina, and you know she's making the cut, so two nice people have to go home. Sigh.
 
Irina is... going to Fashion Week. Yay.
 
Christopher is... going home. Yeah, not like we didn't see that coming. Amazingly, he doesn't cry. At all. Even backstage, totally holds it together. Maybe he was just cried out.
 
Carol Hannah is... going to Fashion Week! Yay!
 
Okay, it's down to Gordana and Althea. I know Althea is the better designer, but you kind of have to root for Gordana. I mean, she dyed fabric with onion skins. And this week Althea bit it hard and Gordana turned in the prettier dress. But you know no one's being judges solely on their dress this week – it's all about Bryant Park.
 
Heidi tells Althea her look was a mess, but appreciates her confidence. Althea is... going to Fashion Week.
 
I call ageism! Poor Gordana. But she's not going to be sad. Except in the confessional she starts crying. And Christopher gets weepy in his exit interview, because he's so happy he made 12 designs.
 
But who cares about the losers when Fashion Week is coming! And Carol Hannah gets the flu! Holy crap! Can you stand it?
 
 
What do you think of the final three? Do you think Irina is going to win? And do you think Carol Hannah gets swine flu?