I’m not even sure I can watch this episode. It’s just too nerve wracking, and even though part of me would like at least one stinkin’ woman in the finals (c’mon, it’s a contest to design women’s clothes, you’d think the female perspective would be a good thing), the only woman left in the hunt is the Queen of All Evil (and Color Blocking), so not really feeling it. But then again, Jay has this tendency to dress like a J Crew float in the Electric Light Parade at Disneyland and make tacky Michael Jackson jackets and big butt dresses, so I’m torn.  

But, even if it pains me to do it, I’m watching, so let’s get started, shall we? 

[Full recap of Thursday's "Project Runway" after the break...]

Heidi tells the remaining designers they get $9,000 and four months to drive themselves crazy/design some stuff, then Tim comes out to warn them he’s going to drop in on them for a home cooked meal and to hold his chin and nod seriously for them. Which I personally would pay for.  

Mila thinks Jay is tough competition, but she’s so totally better than he is. Jay thinks he can win the whole damn thing. Emilio knows exactly what he’s doing for Bryant Park. And Seth Aaron would be so much cuter if he didn’t put so much crap in his hair. There, I’ve said it.  

Time for home visits! Tim is off to Vancouver, Wash. to visit Seth Aaron. Who now has less crap in his hair and looks more emo. And so is his collection, which is all black. Oh ma God, Seth Aaron, have we never watched “PR” before? This worked last season with Meana Irina, but I wouldn’t bet on it working twice. But the good news is Seth Aaron has designed, like, a closet full of stuff. Tim tells him it looks great but he won’t win, because it’s not surprising. Tim urges Seth Aaron to stretch. And reconceptualize his whole line. And toss out most of it. Ouch. I think we just saw Seth Aaron wet his leather pants a little. 

Then, it’s time to meet Seth Aaron’s wife and kids. They’re really excited to go to Bryant Park with Dad, which is evident from the way his daughter sits limply on the sofa, acting like she’s just had her wisdom teeth out.  

OMG, we just saw the wedding pictures. Seth Aaron used to be a TOOL. Wowza. Like, dorkasaurus, no joke. And any fashion designer worth his salt would not have let his wife get married in that shiny paper doily of a wedding dress, Seth Aaron. Bad, bad! 

To drive home the point that Seth Aaron is, at heart, a tool, the family plays Pictionary, then throws poor Tim Gunn on the backyard trampoline in what appears to be an attempt to kill him, but Seth Aaron thinks it’s awesome to make the head designer of Liz Claiborne play with his emotionally stunted children. 

Tim limps home to New York, where Emilio lives. Tim meets Emilio’s brothers under a bridge, which kind of makes the whole powwow look like a drug deal. Good going, “PR” producers, you couldn’t spring for drinks at a friggin’ restaurant? Emilio grew up in the Bronx, and he always saw beauty in the crime and the graffiti and the blood spatter, which is nice, I suppose, in an emotionally scarring way.  

Finally, Emilio shows Tim his collection. Which is colorful, but not in a good way. Turquoise and puke green and red and brown velvet and oh my, I’m starting to feel a little sick. Tim is speechless. Emilio thinks this is great, but I think a speechless Tim is not a good thing. Unlike Seth Aaron, Emilio argues with Tim. Because Tim doesn’t wear women’s clothing. Yes, Emilio, because all the great designers wear women’s clothing. Karl Lagerfeld, when you’re not looking, ditches the little fingerless black leather gloves and tosses on a hot pink mini and a corset. Of course, he might, the guy’s wacky and European, so you never know. But I still think Emilio might lose this thing after all with that attitude. 

Next, Tim visits Mila in L.A. She has a Dalmatian. Of course she has a black and white dog. Shockingly, Mila’s designs are black and white, but she shakes it up by tossing in a little purple. But that isn’t what bothers Tim. He thinks the designs are matronly, which makes Mila squinch up her face like she just ate bad sausage.  

Oh, and this is nice. In her one-on-one interview, Mila declares that she doesn’t want to lose to “that little f—ker” (Jay) because he’s really annoying. Yeah, I can read lips. Mila’s all class.

Then, Tim meets Mila’s parents and her boyfriend. Queen of Evil has a boyfriend, well, color me shocked. He has terrible teeth, probably from trying to chew through the restraints she keeps him in when she’s not in the house. 

Finally, Tim visits Jay in San Fran. He’s going with a Japanese samurai inspiration, which I love. Tim warns Jay that he’s veering toward student work territory, which is a little harsh, but I think it will get Jay to reign in some of the crazypants stuff. Jay isn’t worried about Mila. If I were him, I wouldn’t worry about her, either, because if he can go with his original inspiration, I think he has her beat. 

They run off to meet Jay’s parents and his boyfriend, who all seem very smiley and nice, whereas Mila’s parents seemed like... well, what you would expect Mila’s parents to be like. Jay’s parents seem super proud of him, and Jay cries about wanting to pay them back for all they’ve done for them, and boy is it a contrast with Mila’s cold fish visit, which I suspect Tim couldn’t get away from fast enough.  

The designers are back to New York. And it gets interesting right off the bat, because Jay and Mila are going to be roomies. Apparently Lifetime has not been satisfied with the brawling quotient of the show thus far, so “PR” producers needed to fire up a good ol’ catfight for part one of the finale. Nice.  

But Mila and Jay try to be nice to one another. Mila tells Jay she’s tough on the outside but mush on the inside, sort of like a rotten banana, which Jay finds heartwarming, because he’s just that kind of forgiving. 

Thankfully, that warm fuzzy moment is interrupted by Seth Aaron’s arrival, followed shortly by Emilio, whom you would think would show up first since he’s just a subway ride away. But good news – Emilio says his collection will not be the pukefest Tim saw when he visited. So, there’s hope for him yet.  

Tim arrives to officially welcome to the Westin and make sure that product placement is front and center. Oh, and pop a bottle of champagne.  

The next morning, it’s time to hit the workroom. Where Mila and Jay have to share a friggin’ table. Oh, come on, that’s just lame. To make sure they really want to snip off one another’s ears with pinking shears, they have to get their designs ready IMMEDIATELY.  

Runway time!!!! Well, just for Jay and Mila, but still, wheee! Jay starts crying. Mila starts crying. Everyone needs a nap. 

Usual suspects are in the house. Nina and Michael and no guest judges to make fun of. Boo. 

 

Mila 

A nice wool coat. Over a black-and-white dress. Uh, okay. I like the details, but it’s just more Mila. 

A black and white striped poncho. S’alright. Again, very Mila. 

A showstopper dress with patent leather. I do like this, and at least it’s a little different. Where’s the purple she kept talking about. Oh wait, I’m sorry, aubergine. 

 

Jay

A purple jumper with some interesting ruffles. I like this a lot. 

A silver shirt with a shrug and cargo pants. Not bad. Not sure about the shrug, though. 

Big ol’ jacket over red leggings. This looks like something you wear in a live-action movie of “The Jetsons.” 

Heidi likes Mila’s first outfit. Michael likes the ‘60s vibe, but the look isn’t a surprise. Nina’s glad she thought about separates, but she thinks it isn’t so modern and questions how Mila could make six collections a year. 

Michael likes the patent leather gloves, and Nina likes the steel jewelry. Michael thinks it’s all very Mila. 

Heidi thinks Jay pumped up the volume. Michael thinks the black trousers are fabulous and loves the pleating and seaming. He loves the gaiters. Nina thinks Jay has excellent tailoring, but she doesn’t love the silver shirt/shrug combo and urges him to edit. Heidi loves the purple dress and the gaiters, but she isn’t sure if the collection is cohesive. Michael loves that nothing is retro. Take that, Mila! 

Heidi wonders if they talked about using the same fingerless gloves. Um, no. 

Time for the judges to chat. Michael wants to see Jay at Fashion Week. Heidi wants Mila. Nina is on the fence. Michael points out that Mila only does retro. Heidi thinks she has her own twist to retro. Heidi hated Jay’s last jacket. Michael thought it was too much and called it ogapachi or something.

 
Then Heidi and Michael start yelling at one another, and Nina makes little squish faces, because she just doesn’t know what she wants to do. 

Ooh, what’s going to happen! I do like Jay’s clothes better, honestly. Which I would hope I’d say even if I didn’t think Mila’s pure evil. But I feel he’s at least trying to do something new and interesting, which Mila clearly isn’t.  

And finally, time to auf someone. Heidi tells Jay and Mila to be proud. Mila is... going to Fashion Week. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

Jay takes it like a man. Although I kind of hope he goes back to the workroom and burns Mila’s clothes. I DO NOT get this, personally. Mila has been Mila ALL season. And it’s gotten SO boring. I’m not interested in seeing one more monochrome outfit from her, much less a whole collection of crap. I was much, much more curious to see Jay’s.  

Backstage, Seth Aaron and Emilio find it within themselves to hug her, which is pretty impressive because they approach her like she has fleas. Tim tells Jay not to regret anything at all, and he shouldn’t. Because Mila clearly has naked pictures of Heidi, that’s all I can think.  

Next week, models don’t show up, Seth Aaron has designed a closet full of clothes and Mila does something rough. And I curl into a ball and silently pray that Mila doesn’t win the whole shebang. That’s just not possible, is it? 

 

Do you think Mila deserves to go to Fashion Week? Did you like Jay’s clothing or think it was overdesigned? And who do you think will win the whole thing?