Goodness knows, this would be bad reality TV if “PR” didn’t try to milk as much drama out of Ivy’s fainting spell as humanly possibly, so what we ended with last week is what we start with this week – Ivy and the paramedics. So, what the heck is wrong with Ivy? Valerie points out she drinks too much Diet Coke and smokes a lot. Gretchen hopes she’ll be okay. Because Ivy is no threat to her. Ultimately, it seems like no big deal, because Ivy is suffering from that persistent ailment of celebrities and reality TV contestants, dehydration. In other words, lots of sturm und drang about nothing.
 
Heidi announces that the week’s challenge will be designing dresses worthy of Philip Treacy’s crazy ass hats. The designers are thrilled. But really, they shouldn’t be, because hats like his should be the centerpiece of an outfit. Which means, crazypants hat, simple outfit. So, Gretchen and her boring designs are perfect for this challenge. Yet again. Blick. But I do love the hats. One of them is a friggin’ orchid. Too much fun!
 
Picking a model is a little trickier this week, as you have to pick the hat you want to work with and the model just goes along with it. Oddly enough, the designers stick with their models. I guess loyalty is more important than headgear.
 
The designers are sent out to judge. Valerie is a big David Bowie fan, which makes me think she has a leg up in this competition, because she just might be able to concoct something weird enough yet elegant enough to match that Halloween mask she’s working with.
 
Mondo thinks the fabric at Mood speaks to him. Literally. I’m a little worried about Mondo. But I’m even more worried about Ivy, because she’s been inspired by her hospital room. I’ve been to hospitals, and there is nothing inspiring about a hospital room unless you’re on heavy tranquilizers. And mesh curtains, they have those because they’re easy to hose down, Ivy. Ick.
 
In the sewing room, Casanova threatens to quit. Good! Quit, Casanova! You have no taste! Quit!
 
Kristin is freaking out, because she doesn’t do literal, and she got the gorgeous orchid hat. Seriously, Kristin, get a hold of yourself. It’s a flower, not the Eiffel Tower. She finally decides it’s a big vagina and she wants her dress to be all about sex. I feel dirty now, thanks, Kristin. Who do you think you are, Georgia O’Keefe?
 
Michael C. misses his son. Ivy thinks his dress is a hot mess. He thinks his dress is a hot mess. The combination of these factors suggest Michael C. is going home.
 
Tim time!
 
Tim hates Valerie’s zippers. Valerie is upset, but she has to be true to herself. April is doing bootie shorts, which makes Tim think of diapers. Tim’s okay with Michael D.’s sci fi fantasy dress. Michael thinks Kristin’s dress is fussy. Gretchen thinks Kristin’s work sucks, which I tend to agree with, except I hate agreeing with Gretchen about anything. Tim tells A.J. he should line up his polka dot fabric. I am immediately horrified by A.J. The mark of a cheap patterned garment is one that doesn’t match the pattern, does he not KNOW that? That’s dressmaking 101. I can barely follow a Butterick pattern and even I know that. What fashion design school did he go to, JoAnn Fabrics Stitch-N-Sew?
 
Tim blows through a bunch of other designers. He worries Christopher is trying too hard. And then he gets to Casanova. And Tim declares Casanova’s dress Donna Karan 1988. Oofa! Casanova tells Tim no one wears those stupid Philip Treacy hats. Casanova isn’t interested in anything Tim has to say. Casanova needs to go home, because his attitude baaaallllows.
 
Tim tells Michael C. he has to change his dress. Pronto. Michael is ready to pack his bags. C’mon, Michael, make it work!
 
While Michael C. is having an aneurysm trying to make a new dress on Tim’s advice, Casanova is having coffee and relaxing, because he’s about done. Casanova needs to go home for no other reason than he’s become annoying at this point. And, oh yeah, he has NO TASTE. Donna Karan wasn’t even that interesting in 1988.
 
Gretchen declares April’s work costume-y and says she’ll be going home soon. God, I want Gretchen to go home soon.
 
Michael C. calls his family. This is usually how the producers let us know someone is going home – the reasoning being, I guess, that as long as we know the designer has people who love him waiting for him, he or she isn’t likely to jump off a building after Michael Kors declares his or her latest outfit appropriate attire for Swamp Thing and Heidi delivers the kiss of death. I am hoping this isn’t true this week, because I kind of like Michael C., but I have a bad feeling.
 
Of course, the other candidate to go home is Kristin. Even Casanova says she makes “a big mess around the body,” and he’s not wrong. Kristin’s work has regularly looked like crap, but the weird thing is the judges haven’t called her on it. But this dress looks pretty hacked up, so we’ll see if her luck holds.
 
So, in case you were wondering, that extra half hour of show time is being dedicated to 1) plugging Garnier or any other sponsor who asks and 2) showing the designers bitching about one another. Everyone thinks Casanova is making old lady clothes. Everyone thinks Michael D.’s fabric looks like a cardboard box. Gretchen thinks it’s going to be Kristin, April and Peach in the bottom. Unfortunately, I don’t disagree about April and Kristin, but we really haven’t seen enough of Peach’s dress to judge yet.
 
Oh my, I love this. Kristin thinks she could be in the top two. Really, Kristin? She’s upset she hasn’t received criticism yet. I think she’s about to get some criticism, big time.
 
I love that the guys are girlier than the girls. Casanova starts his day with a mud mask. At least he’ll look nice while he’s sweating under the runway lights, getting reamed.
 
The Garnier segment usually is so boring it’s time to get a glass of water, but this week we find out that Mondo wants his model to wear a mustache. You go, Mondo! Get your weird on!
 
Reason to love Philip Treacy: Philip to model “Who made your outfit?” Model to Philip: “Casanova.” Philip to model, infinitely bored: “Okay.”

I’m just going to skip over the obvious Seal music plug for Heidi’s hat. It’s runway time! Michael, Nina and Philip are the judges, of course.
 
Michael C.
This is much better than his other dress. Amazing that he pulled this out of his butt and actually nailed it. It’s simple, but that works for this challenge.
 
Gretchen
This looks like a scarf cut into a tunic. It’s boring. It will probably win. Blech.
 
Kristin

This isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but it’s still a hot mess. Why is the fabric hanging in loops at the bottom of the dress? It looks like she got part of it trapped in a toilet seat.
 
Michael D.
I think Michael nailed it with his cardboard top. Very simple, but really complements the hat.
 
Valerie
Cute little dress. Not what I was expecting at all, but I like that she went in a different direction. It’s like Sporty Spice Halloween.

A.J.
I like the dress, but it may be too Macy’s.
 
Andy
This is kind of fabulous. Love the sleeves. Andy thinks he nailed it, and I agree.
 
Ivy
Okay, the mesh isn’t as hospital as I thought it would be. I like the way it updates what’s otherwise a pretty basic peplum jacket.
 
April

The diaper! Oh, oh no, it does look like a diaper. Either she’s getting points for the diaper or she’s going down because of the diaper. But man, it really does look like a diaper. Diapers are not fashionable, April.
 
Christopher
Not sure about this. It’s okay, but I don’t feel it’s working with the hat. The hat’s so ethereal, and the outfit looks like winter wear.
 
Peach

Oh, crap, yeah, Peach might be going home. What is this, Talbot’s sale rack?
 
Casanova
Wait, I take that back. This dress blows more than Peaches. Yes, it’s important to go simple, but this just looks unrelated.
 
Mondo

This is so wacky and so Mondo I have to love it. Although he didn’t match up his polka dots, either. Bad Mondo, bad!
 
Heidi calls out April, Michael D., Christopher, Michael C., Valerie and Kristin. Everyone else moves on. Casanova is SAFE?
 
Michael D. explains his outfit was inspired by a warrior and a farmer. Philip loves it. Heidi thinks the skirt is cool, and so does Michael. Nina thinks it works well together.

Michael tells Kristin that orchids are beautiful and sexy, and he sees no correlation with the ugly ass dress. He sees no harmony to the dress. Nina thinks the flower shoe idea is way too matchy-matchy. Philip thinks she needed something more fragile. Then, Kristin starts arguing. She says she had a concept. Michael and Nina tell her, oh, you might have had a concept, but you messed it up, dummy. Never argue with the judges, Kristin. That’s a sure ticket home, have to say.
 
Heidi doesn’t like Christopher’s dress. It makes her sad. Michael thinks the leggings and boots ruined the outfit. And he thought the dress looked like drapes. Nina says the dress is fighting with the hat. Philip thinks it’s too complicated.
 
Michael loves Michael C.’s outfit. Alright! He thinks it looks effortless. Nina thinks the colors are perfect. Heidi thinks it’s a beautiful dress on its own or with the hat. Philip loves that he picked up the hat’s sparkle. And, while I think the dress is too simple to do well for almost any other challenge, it does work here. Again, this was about the HATS, people.
 
Michael thinks April’s outfit is too literal. And the panty doesn’t fit. I’m waiting for the diaper comment. Nina likes the top but thinks April ran out of time. Philip feels it’s weak.
 
Heidi loves Valerie’s outfit because it’s soft and hard at the same time. Michael likes the Stevie Nicks feel paired with geometric design. Nina thinks it’s mischievous. Philip thinks it’s beautifully made, but he doesn’t understand where it’s coming from.
 
Michael C. tells everyone backstage that his dress was a hit. Ivy looks horrified. April is pouty. And she’s about to cry. Seriously, this was a surprise, April? You made a DIAPER.
 
The judges hash it out. I think Michael C. may win. Go figure! I think both the Michaels nailed it.
 
Judgment time! Valerie is… in. Always a bridesmaid! Michael C. is…the winner! He’s so thrilled. Good for him! Michael D. is, of course, in.
 
Ivy actually says “WHAT THE BLEEP,” and the bleep word starts with an F. Calm down, Ivy, it was a nice little dress. Gretchen declares Michael C. a replicator. Shut up, Gretchen.
 
Christopher is… in. It’s down to April and Kristin. I notice Christopher gets a lot more applause for not getting eliminated than Michael C. gets for winning. Ouch.
 
Kristin is… out. April is in. For once, I think the judges got it mostly right, though Casanova at least deserved to be in the bottom. But still, Kristin did NOT know what she was doing. Kristin admits it was her time to go. Yes, Kristin, it was. You couldn’t SEW. You just flung fabric on a mannequin. That isn’t design, Kristin. Maybe you could be a buyer for a store, but a designer? No way.
 
The designers go back to Atlas and promptly start tearing Michael C. apart behind his back. The thing is, yes, his dress was really simple. But did the designers SEE the hats? Because that’s what made sense for the challenge -- simple. Subtle. Complementary, not stage-stealing. Maybe if he’d made that dress some other week, it would get him aufed. But you don’t compete with a Philip Treacy hat, people. Just look at what Sarah Jessica Parker wore with her Philip Treacy hat – an outfit that worked with it, but was otherwise pretty subtle. Maybe he didn’t intend to do it, but Michael C. actually got it right. So calm down, designers. Next week Gretchen will probably win again and it will be back to the status quo.
 
Ooh, next week? Team challenge! Let the backbiting begin!
 
Do you think Michael C. deserved to win? Do you think Casanova needs to go home? And who do you think is going down next time?