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Recap: 'Dancing with the Stars' Results - The second booted dancer was...

One of the ladies is sent home and Selena Gomez sings

By Liane Bonin Wednesday, Apr 6, 2011 2:34 AM

Tuesday's 'Dancing with the Stars' results

Credit: ABC

I can’t say I have much expectation built up for tonight’s super! Dramatic! And tense! Elimination! If Wendy Williams doesn’t go home, then I’ll be surprised, but seriously, unless it’s opposite day, she probably already has her suitcase of enormous false eyelashes and hair extensions flying home ahead of her.

Len announced last night was great, blah blah blah, and he wants to see Hines Ward and Kym Johnson do the samba. Oh, and they’re safe! At the end of the dance, which looks pretty much the way it did on Monday, the judges wave yellow towels, just like the audience did last night. I’m going out on a limb and guessing this is a sports thing.

Now that that’s over with, it’s time to take a look at the two dancers who scored twenty points: Romeo and Sugar Ray Leonard. Sugar Ray felt he made a comeback, while Romeo felt he could do no wrong with his two dead cousins. Except that Len thought he sucked. Romeo blames this on Len’s cold, cold heart. Um, no, actually, that dance was pretty stinky. Anyway, Sugar Ray and Anna are safe. Romeo and Chelsie are also safe! Wow, it’s just one big, happy love fest on “DWTS” tonight! Yeah, Wendy’s going home, no big mystery there.

Tom tells us anything could happen tonight! Really? OneRepublic performs “Good Life,” and there’s way too much room noise on the lead singer’s microphone. Lacey and Dmitry dance, so I guess that’s really what we’re supposed to be paying attention to, anyway.

Brooke asks Wendy what it will take for her to get a better score. Act of God? Mind control? More boring questions, then oh ma God, Brooke turns to Kirstie and Maks and asks them to walk us through the HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING fall from Monday night. Really, Brooke? I hope Kirstie’s getting a pay bump for this. Maks explains he just had a muscle strain and he’s just fine. But that’s not good enough. Brooke makes him and Kirstie WATCH THE VIDEO and offer commentary, like this is a movie they did together and not a moment they’d rather forget, like a drunken sex tape or a Brazillian wax. Maks clearly wants to crawl under a table, so he just quickly says, muscle strain, muscle strain, IT’S NOTHING OH MY GOD STOP IT! So Brooke asks Kirstie what was going through her mind, and Kirstie, who is clearly in shock or having an out of body experience, babbles “Where am I? Who am I?” which she means to be funny but now I’m thinking she may have gotten a concussion. Which hopefully means she’ll forget about this whole stupid mess sooner rather than later.

Okay, moving on. Petra and Wendy are on the block. Petra’s all lollipops and rainbows because she and Dmitry got a solid 25, but she’d be like that no matter what. Wendy thinks the problem is that her feet are in the competition, not her personality, because she’d win based on personality. Well, maybe off the dance floor, because on the dance floor she has a sort of plastic, grimacing mannequin quality which creeps me out.

Petra and Dmitry are safe, Wendy and Tony… not so much. Shocker! Wow, “DWTS,” you know how to build that dramatic tension!

Brooke informs us that fans have asked to see more behind the scenes. Um, okay. Some of this is cute. Chelsea and Mark write a song together and she shows off her leopard-print nails. Hines takes his kid to Disneyland. Sugar Ray has a kid who bounces around. Some of this is less cute, like Kendra’s kid drooling in her eye. Nice. Oh, and Ralph Macchio gets in an ice bath. With a big disco ball of censorship over his ass. Nice touch.

Wendy and Chris don’t get a lot of sleep.

Selena Gomez performs “Who Says” while wearing a red explosion of a dress which is actually pretty cute. People dance. It’s fine.

Next on the block: Chelsea and Kendra. Kendra tells Chelsea she almost shook her butt as well as she can. Chelsea doesn’t think she could ever shake her butt as well as Kendra does. Well, let’s hope not, as Kendra’s butt wiggle is dollar-in-G-string specific. Anyway, Kendra was horribly traumatized by the smoke. It made her cry after the dance. Not because it irritated her eyes, but because she stumbled. Apparently watching this causes her, Louis, Chelsea and Mark to burst into giggles. So, as Chelsea is being given a pass and Kendra is being informed she’s still in danger, these guys are practically choking on their tongues trying to contain their laughter. Finally, the right reaction to this stupid elimination ceremony!

Oh, and at some point some dancers are going to perform a jive to “We Got the Beat” due to people voting online, blah blah blah.

OneRepublic performs “All the Right Moves.” I still think they should fire their sound guy. Selena Gomez didn’t sound like she was singing through a toilet paper tube.

The final three on the block are Ralph, Chris and Kirstie. And yes, it gives us another chance to see Kirstie and Maks roll on the floor like broken Weebles. Ralph is… safe. Kirstie is… safe. Chris is…still in jeopardy? C’mon, the guy danced for his dead mom using his real name! That’s gotta be worth something, right? Not that it matters. Wendy is so going home.

So, Kendra. Wendy and Chris. Kendra is safe. Len thinks Chris has danced far better than expected and he gives Wendy props for trying. And, of course, Chris is safe. Bye, Wendy. Wendy seems kind of relieved, honestly, because hello, she didn’t really have time in her schedule for a stinkin’ dance show. She then shows the most pep I’ve seen from her since the season began and says that, despite racial stereotypes, she’s a black girl who can’t even do the running man and she was able to make crazy arm flourishes on national TV, so she’s happy. Hey, all’s well that ends well.

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Do you think it was Wendy’s time to go? Do you like the musical interludes or would you just prefer the show cut to the chase? Who do you think will get cut next?

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Recapping Television's Hottest Shows with Monkeys as Critics