When Brooke Burns declares the dances of the TV theme episode “the most entertaining yet,” it makes me wonder if the producers of “DWTS” are just sadistic. I don’t think sticking someone in a monkey suit or jerking around a senior citizen until she gets whiplash are exactly entertaining moments, but maybe I didn’t watch enough “Jackass” when I had the chance.

[Full recap of Tuesday's (Oct. 19) "Dancing with the Stars" after the break...]

 
Kyle and Lacey and Bristol and Mark are the first couples on the block. And they are both… safe? Really? Kyle and Lacey, sure, but Bristol? Has anyone noticed she’s stinking up the room? Or that her version of performance involves showing us her molars?
 
Next up, Brandy and Maks churn out their quickstep. I don’t think I realized that “I’ll Be There for You” had lyrics beyond, well, “I’ll be there for you.”  Not that I’m going to remember them or anything, but hey, learn something new every day.
 
We are also treated to a ha-ha funny infomercial for Bruno’s fake dance instruction DVD, “Bring It Like Bruno.” This actually doesn’t look any worse than most work out video ads. Maybe ABC should sell it.
 
Then, Jason Derulo performs “In My Head.” Which involves a lot of overly histrionic emoting and some of Usher’s old dance moves. But the audience seems to like it.
 
Brooke asks Bristol if she thought, given her generally sucky performance in an ape suit, if she thought she’d be back for another week. Bristol is just excited to be coming back. I’m always amazed Brooke just doesn’t rip the transmitter out of her ear and shriek at the camera, “Really? You want me to ask that? You really want me to ask that?” But amazingly, she never does. Even when she’s trussed up like a blue and black sequined turkey like she is in tonight’s dress.
 
There’s another fake ad for Easy Steps. Gee, this would be funny if… actually, I have no idea what would make this funny. This makes the last ten minutes of “SNL” look genius by comparison, actually.
 
Ah, Brandy and Maks are safe. Jennifer and Derek are… in jeopardy. Wha?
 
As if this isn’t confusing enough, Tom takes us to a Congolese family in the audience and introduces a pre-taped segment about how the boys want to do something special for mom by dancing on the show. This is cute and everything, but was “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” booked for the year or something? I think, if you want to do something special for Mom, maybe you get her a new kitchen. Or at least a spa visit. Not that the dancing isn’t nice, but the woman was cutting fabric on the floor. I’m sure a Swedish massage would do her a world of good.
 
Next up, Kurt and Anna and Rick and Cheryl. Kurt and Anna are safe, but Rick and Cheryl are in danger. That’s what happens when you wear a sparkly cop uniform, just saying.
 
Oh yay, another fake ad, this one with David Hasselhoff posing as an ambulance-chasing attorney. Nice to see Margaret Cho and The Situation again, I guess, but again, not so funny.
 
Shakira performs. Too bad she’s too big of a star to do “DWTS,” because she’d totally win. Girl’s got moves. And she manages to rock sequined sweatpants and a very weird sequined bra top. Can someone get her a stylist, please?
 
Jason Derulo sings “Georgia on My Mind.” And it’s fine. A couple dances. But c’mon, can we just get to the elimination, please?
 
Audrina and Tony are safe, Flo and Corky, not so much.
 
And finally, FINALLY, we get to the elimination. Mrs. Brady is going home? No! I mean, sure, she wasn’t going to win or anything, but she was more watchable than Bristol, I have to say. And, you know, she’s Mrs. Brady. I wonder if that creepy kiss with Barry Williams did her in? She says this is one of the best produced shows she’s ever been on and is very gracious in getting the boot, but I’d expect nothing less.
 
Unfortunately, there’s only so much suspense this season, as it looks like Jennifer is the frontrunner with a possible upset from Brandy. But, as they say, the show must go on.
 
 

Do you think Flo should have gone before Bristol? Do you think Brandy could upset Jennifer? And what did you think of the fake commercials?