So, it’s elimination night on “DWTS.” And it’s election night. We can only hope as many people voted for their political representatives as “DWTS,” but that’s probably too optimistic. In any case, all that election stuff is, apparently, stretching this elimination program, which shouldn’t be more than a half hour at most, to an agonizing hour and a half, so at the very least, hope you get the senator you wanted.
[Full recap of Tuesday's (Nov. 2) "Dancing" results after the break...[
We watch Team Apolo perform their group dance, then Brandy & Maks go up on the block opposite Bristol & Mark, and wonder of wonders, Bristol is in jeopardy. Which is fine, given that we see Brandy melting down waiting for her scores yesterday. If Brandy thought she might lose her space when Bristol was still in the competition, she’d probably beat the hell out of her.
Then, we see the nominations for most dramatic moment. Marie Osmond wins for her fainting spell. Really, I don’t think this was all that dramatic, but considering that Kate Gosselin might throw a punch just for being nominated for bitching out Maks, well, Marie was undoubtedly the safer option.
The cast of “Mary Poppins” performs. Eh, I’d rather watch the movie, honestly.
Then, Taylor Swift performs. She has such great hair, doesn’t she?
Now we move on to the best worst dancer awards. The winner is Kenny Mayne. Really? Kate Gosselin and Master P weren’t available? But at least Kenny Mayne has a good sense of humor.
Brooke chats with the next two on the block – Jennifer & Derek and Rick & Cheryl. Jennifer assures Brooke she isn’t going to physically collapse anytime soon. But that’s the message we get ALL THE TIME from you, Jennifer.
Okay, I take it back – I thought this episode was being stretched to an hour and a half because of the election. I was wrong – it was to make more room for commercials. Lots and lots and LOTS of commercials.
So, next couple in jeopardy would be Rick and Cheryl. You know, that’s a shame, given that he did do well last night. Even if he was dressed like an enormous crayon.
Then, it’s time for celebrities to congratulate “DWTS” on hitting 200. Sarah Palin sends her regards, as does everyone who’s been on the show who’s bothered to stop by lately. Oh, and Shakira.
The Biggest Dancer Transformation award goes to Louis Van Amstel. Could these fake awards suck more? No, no they could not.
Rod Stewart performs “I Get A Kick Out of You.” With what’s left of his voice, which was never much to begin with. He’s opening in Las Vegas in two weeks. Yay.
Then, the Best Judges’ Moments award. Which, I guess, just goes to everyone.
Kyle & Lacey and Kurt & Anna are on the block. So, we learn some things about them, because it’s an elimination show and it just adds to the poignancy. Or something. What do we learn? Kyle likes to show his fake abs, to Lacey’s disgust, and Kurt makes Anna pray before they fight with one another. Does Anna ever get along with her partners? Although she gets along with Kurt better than she did with Evan, who she seemed ready to throw under a moving train on any given week.
So, cue dramatic music, because the couple in jeopardy is… Kyle & Lacey.
But don’t feel down, because Taylor Swift’s very slow, sad ballad will do that for you. It’s a perfectly nice song, but way too slow for “DWTS.” In fact, it’s so slow that there’s no choreographed dancing on the floor but just a slow-mo montage of previous performances. I guess asking professional dancers to shuffle around the floor like octogenarians wasn’t an option.
Still, the song inspires Tom to make like Marie Osmond and fake passing out so that Taylor has to promote her own performance on the Country Music Awards. And tell us that next week, the dancers won’t find out their song until they’re performing. Okay, “DWTS” producers, you’re officially trying too hard to freshen up the show. Cut it out.
Before we can move on to another semi-elimination, we have to hear how stressed out the stars are. Seriously, how many times are we going to hear about that? Maybe instead of coming up with silly twists on the show concept, the producers should put more effort into this time wasting segments.
So, we line up Rick & Cheryl, Kyle & Lacey and Bristol & Mark. Bristol & Mark are… safe. WHAT? Why? Bristol seems like a nice girl, but we just saw her crying because she misses her kid so much. And I don’t think even she expected to be on the show for seven weeks. Seriously, people, it’s starting to be mean to keep her around. She’s not a performer, she isn’t likely to parlay the show into a reality TV show or a sitcom gig, and she’d like to go home. And, oh yeah, she’s not one of the top dancers, either. Stop voting for her!
Oh no, after the “DWTS” finale on November 22, we get to see “Skating with the Stars.” Yes, it is that it’s all the cheesy goodness of “DWTS” but with a higher possibility of serious injury.
The couple eliminated is… Rick and Cheryl. Oh, come on! Rick may not have been the best dancer on the show, but he was certainly better than Bristol, who is hanging on like a particularly virulent flu bug when even she doesn’t want to do it anymore. C’mon, people, let’s at least pretend that surviving on this show is slightly based on skill and isn’t just a popularity contest. Let’s hope the real election results, whatever they might be, are more encouraging.
Do you think Rick deserved to go? Do you think the extra-long elimination episode was a good or bad idea? And who do you think is off the show next?