Bah, humbug. It’s elimination night, and unless you’re wildly excited to see Toby Keith perform, there’s just not a lot to be excited about. With couples flip-flopping between the top of the leader board and the bottom week to week, it’s hard to guess who would be going home tonight. However, it’s easy to assume that whoever it is, we’ll be sad to see them go. Okay, I won’t cry if Kendra gets the boot, but even she’s good for some BLEEPING laughs from time to time.  

[Full recap of Tuesday's (April 19) "Dancing with the Stars" results after the break...]
 
First on the block are Kirstie & Maks and Hines & Kym. Before anyone can be put in jeopardy, though, a look back at… yesterday. Kirstie is glad she got to hooch it up and club dance. I kind of love that Kirstie got in touch with her inner hoochie. Hines tells Kym that he almost tongue-kissed her. With most guys this would be a tense confession (and with some, a sexual harassment suit) but when Hines says it, it’s just cute. It’s hard for me to believe that players on the opposing team don’t want to reach over and give him a big teddy bear squeeze when he’s playing football.
 
One couple is safe, one is in jeopardy! Sigh. I wonder if Tom Bergeron used some the money he makes on “DWTS” to build a house in his home to muffle the sound of his screams.  Okay, the safe couple is… Hines and Kym. Kirstie and Maks are in jeopardy! Although I seriously doubt it. I’m pretty sure Maks’ abs alone got 20 percent of the vote last night.
 
Time for the judges to request a dance. They choose Romeo and Chelsie. They were fine, but that was hardly the most exciting dance from last night. Still, Romeo looks good. Boring, but good.
 
Toby Keith performs “Should’ve Been A Cowboy.” Now, why didn’t they use this last night? It’s got a beat and you can dance to it. Not American enough, I guess. He could have been singing about a Mongolian cowboy herding yak, after all.
 
Brooke interviews the next flock of dancers. Chelsea says she needs to come back because she has a really good song for next week, which is guilty pleasures week. But she’ll have to dance a quickstep to whatever it is, so I’m not too excited. Romeo is frustrated to not be at the top of the leader board. He then informs Brooke in a New York-meets-toothless homeless guy accent that he will get his Scarface on and put Super Glue in Hines’ toothpaste. Wah? Chelsie explains that this is Romeo’s alter ego. Yeah, well, Romeo should tell his other personality to stuff it when he’s on national television, because it’s not so cute. Chris likes Romeo’s accent. He probably think Romeo sounds like Len. I think we’ve determined that Chris does not have a good ear.
 
Anyway, Chris Jericho & Cheryl Burke, Romeo & Chelsie Hightower and Chelsea Kane & Mark Ballas are next on the block.
 
Another look at last night! It seems so long ago. Not really. Chris was thrilled to get an 8, but Romeo promises he has a 10 up his sleeve. And Chelsea still has a great ass.
 
More results! Finally! The next couple safe is… Chelsea & Mark. Yay! Romeo & Chelsie are… also safe. Although Romeo shouldn’t get used to it if he keeps trotting out his alter ego. Chris & Cheryl are still in jeopardy.
 
The first eliminated dancer of the season, Psycho Mike Catherwood, shows up to blow the whistle on “DWTS.” Not really; it’s just a clip segment. Hines farts during rehearsal, or maybe it’s Kym, it’s hard to tell. Chelsie Hightower’s bra pops out. Maks isn’t cocky; he just knows what he’s doing. He then explains that he’s a stick that’s been stuck in a boiling pot of sex. I wouldn’t disagree with that. Then we see Bruno and Carrie bother Len until he curses.
 
Hey, time for some dancing! Lots of professional dancers and Britney Spears choreographer Jamal Sims are recruited to enact Macy’s American dream set to Janelle Monae’s “Tightrope.” It’s actually a really fun performance. If we have to fill an hour on elimination night, I vote for more dancing and fewer unfunny clip segments.
 
Finally, the next three couples are on the block chat with Brooke. Petra admits to being distracted by Maks last night. Well, yeah, who wasn’t? Kendra says she just had to celebrate last night. She danced to “Yankee Doodle Boy”! Except she didn’t. It’s “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” Kendra. Louis is proud of her for having fun. That Kendra, she certainly knows how to have fun with that strange, braying cackle of hers. Ralph felt proud of what he delivered, even though he admits Southern rock and samba were not a natural combination. Understatement of the year, Ralph.    
 
A few more moments of backstage hijinks. Ralph tells the camera he has two kids to show for his fire down below, then asks, “What does Bruno have?” Ha! You go, Ralph. Get your feisty on, because you’re starting to seem very nice but hopelessly boring. Louis ripped his pants before his dance with Kendra. That was her dance to show she’s excited! It’s hard to tell the difference between excited Kendra and angry Kendra and crazy Kendra, but I’ll take her word for it.
 
The next couple safe is… Ralph & Karina. The next next couple safe is… Kendra & Louis. Petra & Dmitry are still in jeopardy? No!
 
Len gets a Grumpy mug from a fan in the audience, which is a cute moment, but then it’s time for Toby Keith to perform “American Soldier.” Which is apropos for Americana Week or American Week or whatever they wanted to call it, as it seemed to change depending on who was talking about it. Toby is leaving tonight for his ninth USO tour. You go, Toby. You have all the stage presence of a wet sack of hair, but you’re clearly a nice person. Next week, a performance by Pia Toscano, New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys. Squee!
 
Time waster! The judges talk about the performers. Kendra needs confidence. Petra needs to work on her transitions. Hines needs to take risks. Chris lacks musicality. Chelsea needs to blend the traditional with new ideas. Ralph needs to overcome his jerky movements. Kirstie needs to work on her stamina. Romeo lacks refinement. Blah, blah, blah.
 
Time for the elimination! But first, a commercial! Psych!
 
Petra & Dmitry, Chris & Cheryl and Kirstie & Maks are the final three on the block. The next couple safe is… Kirstie & Maks. I’m betting Chris is going home, due to the lack of overlap between wrestling fans and dance fans.
 
Len says neither couple deserves to go home. It’s madness! But Len can just suck it, because Tom says one of these couples is going home whether he likes it or not. The couple going home is… Petra and Dmitry. Really? I’m so sorry to hear that. Besides the fact she might be the living embodiment of Snow White, she really was a beautiful dancer.
 
Despite being bounced out on her butt, Petra smiles. It’s been a life changing journey for Petra. She’s glad to have been on the show because kids are putting on dance-a-thons for Happy Hearts charity. I’m telling you, if she’s not Snow White, she’s some other Disney princess. Oops, she’s tearing up. Aw, man. I am so sad to see her go. I’m especially sad to see her go before BLEEPING Kendra. She may be excited and Yankee Doodle Dandy, but she just lacked Petra's natural grace and, let's face it, elegance. The judges weren't wrong about that, and while Kendra can stomp out a foxtrot, I don't think I can stand to see another one of her waltzes. 
 
Do you think Petra should have gotten the boot? Are you sick of these hour long eliminations? What do you think of Romeo’s alter ego?