So, Lane has put Enzo and Ragan on the block, which is all kinds of interesting because it seems the (b)rigade is falling apart at the seams, as Lane has picked his ho (Britney) over his bro (Enzo). Enzo should have guessed he’d find himself on the block, though, as he’s still wearing that stupid penguin suit, which is pretty much a guarantee of trouble.

[Full recap of Wednesday's (Sept. 1) "Big Brother" after the break...]

Poor Ragan. He knows he’s alone in the house. And, as he might actually be down to his birth weight, I can’t help but feel sorry for him, as he looks a bit like the sad, lost baby bird from that Dr. Seuss book. Well, maybe he’s not as alone as he thinks, because he and Enzo bond a bit over their plight, and Ragan realizes that Enzo just may be the odd man out in the (b)rigade, which gives him a glimmer of hope that he might have an ally after all. It even makes a sick sort of sense, given that Enzo is dressed like a bird and Ragan just looks like one.
 
But time is up on the penguin suit, and the housemates decide to have a ceremony for Enzo shedding it. Or shunning it, which is their way of saying he takes it off. I’m now going to use “shunning” as my go-to verb. I shun this laundry! I shun this T-shirt! It does make like more dramatic. Anyway, the actual ceremony involves Enzo having a conversation with the house rubber ducky. And shouting. It doesn’t live up to the shunning build-up, but I think the hamsters are excited to have something to do, poor dears.
 
Ragan feels very alone. Which is fine, because it gives him more time to study for the POV competition. And lift weights. Ragan thinks he’s like Rocky, but with no one in his corner. And if Rocky weighed about 60 pounds.
 
Time for POV competition! Which kicks of with a horrid singing clam named Otev. The clam is going to sing about houseguests, and then the hamsters must find a CD with the correct names, oh God, it’s just so tedious, let’s just forget about the details. In short, Ragan needs to win this. But Enzo needs to win it. And Britney needs to win it. Let’s just say everyone is very motivated.
 
The clam sings it’s question, and the first correct answer is Monatt, for Monet and Matt. Britney gets it, Hayden gets it and Enzo gets it…then Lane gets the last shell. Oh no, Ragan is screwed!
 
Except Lane brought the wrong CD. He’s out. Lane hates the clam. Which, he points out looks like the Hamburgler. How can he come up with such clever comments and still suck at this competition?
 
The correct answer for the second question is Rasten, for Rachel and Kristen. Hayden doesn’t get a clam. Hayden’s out, ha ha! Have I mentioned Mr. Coasting Surfer Annoyingpants just bugs the crap out of me?
 
The third question is Mathy, for Matt and Kathy. Britney is eliminated. Lane is crushed, because he’s going to have to put up one of his best friends in the house, Hayden or Britney. Really, Lane? Hayden is your best friend? I think you’re buying too much of what Hayden is selling, my friend.
 
It’s down to Ragan and Enzo. Eeek! The correct answer is Brendrew. To say Enzo and Ragan are really, really determined to win this is the understatement of the year, because Enzo literally shoves Ragan out of the way and dives for the CD, causing Ragan to make a high-pitched “Ow!” noise that is, really, a little embarrassing. Enzo gets the POV, and Ragan hurls a CD at the clam, which bounces off its big Hamburgler head and hits Enzo, which I would call a very good shot. Anyway, Ragan is eliminated and Enzo finally wins something, color me shocked.
 
Ragan is devastated. Ragan cries. I don’t blame Ragan, honestly, because this is like being the last kid picked for the dodgeball team, but a hundred times worse. The fact he really does look like a tiny baby bird just makes the whole thing that much sadder. Like, you want to give him a hug and a plate of brownies.
 
Just to make it more awful, Enzo, Lane and Britney make fun of Ragan and squeal about how funny it was to see Enzo shove him out of the way and take the POV like a real man, which apparently entails being mean. Shut up, Enzo.
 
Of course, no one takes much time to worry about Enzo, because now that second chair is open and no one wants to have to sit in it. Britney goes upstairs to tell Lane he’d be stupid to get her out. He tells her she’s being stupid. But she isn’t, because Hayden and Enzo are already talking about backdooring Britney. Britney makes some excellent points to Lane, namely that she would take him to the final two and Hayden wouldn’t, but I’m not sure if Lane is really getting it. C’mon, Lane, you must have noticed that Enzo and Hayden are the real besties in the house, right? Especially once you revealed all that oil money.
 
Unfortunately (or fortunately if you enjoy hamster torture), the hamsters have other things to worry about, because those Pandora’s Box punishments that Lane inflicted on the house in exchange for gas money are in the works. The second one arrives, and it’s actually cute. Everyone has to use sock puppets to speak for twelve hours. Britney thinks her puppet has sex eyes. Or drunk eyes. Something. But everyone has cute little sock puppets. I can’t really see this as a punishment, because it’s just too cute.
 
The (b)rigade gloats about how they’ve overpowered Ragan and their evil plot has come to fruition. Which is actually kinda funny when there are sock puppets involved. It’s like watching a mob boss order an execution using a Bratz doll.
 
Enzo is not making his sock puppet talk often enough. And he doesn’t understand golf. But apparently, Big Brother doesn’t care that much, because the hamsters complete the challenge.
 
Britney decides to clean the house, as the previous maids (Brendon and Kathy) were evicted. She is disgusted by all the rotten food in the fridge. Hey, maybe if everyone spent less time flopped around the “pool” like dying whales, this would not have become a problem. It’s nice to think that CBS is rewarding laziness with a great big cash prize, isn’t it?
 
Time for the third punishment! Everyone will need to dance when they hear music over the next twelve hours. No one wants to dance with much enthusiasm, as no one wants to look stupid. And yet, they all do. Lane looks like a dancing grizzly bear at a Turkish zoo. Enzo manages to dance in the shower, and I think Enzo actually likes this punishment, because he’s the only person in the house who seems to know how to dance.
 
Lane asks Hayden if he’s okay going up. Because he knows Enzo wants to backdoor Britney. Hayden thinks it’s time for a power move against Britney. Really, Hayden? How exactly are you going to pull that off if Lane doesn’t go for it? Because it doesn’t sound like Lane is going to. I think Hayden believes Lane is a big, dumb guy from Texas, and I’m really hoping Lane proves him wrong by kicking his ass right out of the house.
 
That being said, Lane is a little swayed by Hayden’s reluctance to go on the block, so Lane suggests to Britney she be the pawn. To Britney’s credit, she doesn’t screw around this time and spells out exactly what’s likely to happen if she goes on the block. Not only does she expect to get backdoored, she tells Lane, um, even if you do take Hayden to the final two, Hayden will get more votes from the jury house than you, because everyone loves Hayden. Lane gets mad. But she’s right. 

Okay, if Lane is smart, he’s going to listen to Britney, put Hayden on the block, and then kick his ass out with the deciding vote after Britney and Enzo split their votes. Hayden is just too dangerous to keep around, and once he’s gone, Lane and Britney will be the only real block unless Ragan and Enzo can form some sort of alliance, which wouldn’t be terribly strong at this stage of the competition anyway. Considering Enzo’s won exactly one challenge in his entire time in the house, keeping him around is no big deal, and it’s entirely plausible for Britney and Lane to make the final two. But not with Hayden and Enzo feverishly plotting the ascendance of the (b)rigade. If Lane’s smart, and I’m not saying he is, he’ll put his money on Britney, who has to have more enemies in the jury house than he does.
 
Time for the veto meeting! Obviously, Enzo uses the veto on himself. And as a replacement nominee, Lane picks…Hayden! Yes!!!!!
 
Ragan sees cracks in the boys’ alliance. No crap, Ragan. Is it too much to hope that this is one of those weeks when the pawn goes home? Because that means no more Hayden yelling at the DR camera, which seriously is making me go slightly deaf.
 
The only thing that would be better is if Hayden had to shave his head. But that’s just wishful thinking.
 
Do you think Hayden’s going home? Do you think Ragan will survive to final three? What do you think of Lane’s alliance with Britney?