As much as I’m not enjoying the direction that “BB” seems to be going in (MATT? HOH AGAIN?), I am thrilled about two things. One, Ragan is the saboteur, and Jeff and Jordan are visiting the house. I can only hope they’re staying, as the only other power couple seems to be on their way out. And as annoying as I find both Rachel and Brendon, they’re awfully entertaining in a tragic, car accident kind of way.
[Full recap of Wednesday's (Aug. 11) "Big Brother" after the break...]
Oh, no. Rachel is going to make everyone in the house feel uncomfortable by cutting produce violently. Is it too much to hope that she severs a digit and has to leave the house to go to the ER? Brendon calls Matt a midget. Wha? We knew Brendon and Rachel were whiney, but now we know they’re really, really sore losers. You’re not doing science geeks any favors, you guys.
Brendon and Rachel get weepy and emotional while eating salad together. Brendon promises to use the POV
, if he wins it, on Rachel. But she CAN’T go on WITHOUT him. She’s not STRONG! Her spirit is BROKEN! Boy, Rachel’s skin has really gone to hell in a hand basket. Someone, call Proactive and ask them to send her a care package or something.
Oh, no. Now Brendon is yammering about being her knight and how he’ll always choose love over money. Oh, Lord. Brendon seems like the kind of guy who drags his girlfriends to go see crap like “Eat Pray Love” and brings his own box of tissue. And TiVos “Oprah.” Just saying.
Big Brother gives the hamsters a practice bowling set for the next day’s competition. For some reason, this makes Rachel cry. Her knight Brendon, of course, rushes to comfort her. She CAN’T BOWL, she cries! She has NOTHING left to GIVE! She feels like ROAD KILL waiting for the CROWS to come eat her! Uh, isn’t that buzzards? But I digress. Rachel is SPENT! So, she rallies and tries to bowl. And she doesn’t suck at it after all. And she’s gonna FIGHT! She’s not spent after all! Maybe she’s realized that, even if she’s not strong, there are marshmallow Peeps with stronger backbones than Brendon.
Time to pick players for the veto competition. The meaningless veto competition, thanks to Matt’s diamond POV power. Brendon and Rachel are playing, as is Ragan, thanks to his winning the veto ticket the last time around. Matt picks Kathy. Rachel picks Britney. Brendon gets houseguest choice, so he picks Enzo, the thinking being that he’ll suck.
All the hamsters have settled in for their mid-afternoon nap when the doorbell rings. Jeff and Jordan are at the door! They’re going to host the veto competition! And they’re still a couple! Aw, shucks. And the bowling is going to be on Lover’s Lane, so it’s all romantic and hearts and stuff. This can only be good news for Brendon and Rachel, right? Because they’re so goopy in love?
Rachel is the first bowler. She knocks down 6 pins and challenges Kathy.
Kathy is thrilled, because apparently, despite her limited skill set, she can bowl. Or not. After knocking out the first two pins, she starts sucking. But in the last seconds she comes back and knocks down seven pins. Rachel’s out and, of course, starts crying.
Brendon’s next. He baaaalows. And he almost takes out Jeff and Jordan when he throws a ball overhand in a fit of desperation. He gets three. Three. Ouch. Rachel is not impressed. She suspects monkeys could do better, and she isn’t wrong. Seriously, Brendon, I’d say man up, but I don’t think it’s possible. He challenges Britney. Even Britney can get five pins. Brendon’s out. Wow, power couple is sucking it.
Lane notes that Brendon starts acting like a total girl by getting pouty once he loses. Amazingly, Rachel is trying to get him to “act classy.” Really? Why start now?
Enzo is up next. Everyone’s having fun except Brendon and Rachel. Enzo knocks down eight pins. Guess he doesn’t suck as much as Brendon thought. He challenges Britney, who gets a nine. Ragan, up next, gets a seven. He challenges Matt, who gets a nine. Bye, Ragan.
The final three are Kathy, Britney and Matt. Kathy gets knocked out, then it’s down to Matt and Britney.
Brendon can’t believe everyone is having fun. How DARE they have fun! When he is SUFFERING! And his girlfriend’s skin is BREAKING OUT! In BIG, SCARY PUSTULES!
Britney wins with ten pins. And then Jeff plugs his traveling around the world show. And Jordan mentions she wants a ring. Rachel is devastated that, like, Jeff and Jordan are happy together, and, like, Kathy was glad when she beat her! Like, how DISRESPECTFUL! She’s got to give Kathy a piece of her MIND!
Kathy lets Rachel lecture her for about a minute, then tells Rachel she’s not listening to this crap anymore. But Rachel isn’t letting her off the hook that easy, oh no! She has to follow her into the kitchen to continue haranguing her, demanding an apology. Kathy keeps leaving the room, and Rachel keeps following her. It’s like a weird game of apology Marco Polo without the pool. Or the fun.
Hayden eventually can’t stand it anymore and reminds Rachel, um, Crazypants, you’re a bitch whenever you win anything, so get over yourself. This doesn’t seem to resonate with Crazypants, but she does stop stalking Kathy for a little while, which was really Hayden’s point, I’m sure, as he’d seen Rachel playing with knives earlier and no one wants a “Big Brother” fatality. Not this early in the season, at least.
Ragan is called to the diary room to read his saboteur suggestions. One wants him to hide Rachel’s skanky hair extensions, which he vetoes immediately, as he doesn’t want to touch them. Another suggestion, to hide stinky cheese in one of the bedrooms, also gets nixed. But he bites on turning Brendon and Rachel against one another. Oooh, saucy! Impossible, but hey, it’s worth trying just to get the “I’m your knight” conversations off the table. Blick.
The saboteur comes on the screen to tell Rachel that Brendon has been throwing competitions to advance his game at her expense. She doesn’t buy it. Well, nice try, Ragan.
Ironically, this announcement makes Matt think Rachel is the saboteur. All the hamsters like this idea, including Ragan, who is tickled that no one is on to him.
Rachel offers Britney $5,000 if she’ll use the POV. Britney isn’t interested, because Britney is not brain damaged, at least as far as we know.
More soap opera mewling between Brendon and Rachel. He’s going to throw himself on his shiny, knightly sword to save Rachel. Oh, Brendon, ain’t gonna happen. This is like watching one of those drippy romances on Lifetime or Oxygen, except that the two lead characters aren’t torn heroic and selfless doctors on the frontlines or something, but really annoying, self-involved dingbats who, like, want to win a lot of money for sitting on their asses in a big house. I swoon, I swoon!
It’s time for the veto meeting. Brendon insists that Rachel go first. Rachel begs Britney to save her out of friendship. And she offers the $5,000 again. Then she sniffles back tears. You’d think she was going to the electric chair. Too bad “Big Brother” has to stand by all those FCC regulations, because in this case, it would not be such an awful idea.
Brendon stands up and calls Britney a spoiled, selfish brat. And he accuses her of flip flopping between an alliance with him and Rachel and one with Matt and Ragan. Britney basically calls him a jerk and decides not to use the POV. Shocker. What exactly was Brendon trying to accomplish? Doesn’t he realize everyone already hates him?
Rachel is so TOUCHED by Brendon’s self-sacrifice! And she will get REVENGE! And she must have some very good waterproof mascara, just saying, cause this girl cries more than Oprah.
Oh, I know I said I found Rachel and Brendon amusing in a car accident kind of way, but I take that back. They’ve officially become unbearable drama queens and really, Matt can’t shuffle them out the door fast enough. Although I’m still hoping the saboteur outs him as a big, stinking liar. But first things first.
Are you eager for Rachel and Brendon to go? How do you think Ragan is doing as the saboteur? And do you think Kathy owed Rachel an apology, or does Rachel just need medication?