Previously on “Big Brother”: oh, you know what happened. Let’s not play games, you and I. Games are for the sad souls inside the “Big Brother” house. Rachel and Jeff are up for eviction, though either one has the chance to return to the house thanks to the latest twist in the game. Will both remain on the block? Since it’s PoV night, we’ll know by the end of the hour. Onto tonight’s events…

Rachel thinks that Kalia is Danielle’s puppet, and that’s why she’s up for eviction. Jeff is still in Super Anger Mode, vowing revenge on a level that I haven’t seen since “Kill Bill.” In the main room, Shelly tries to calm Rachel down, saying, “You have more class than this.” Really? Are we sure about that? I’d transcribe the rest of this conversation, but honestly, I respect you too much than to relay the insanity that’s coming from each of their mouths. In short: Rachel thinks it’s best she just remove herself from the game. This is NOT what William Wallace meant when he shouted, “FREEDOM!”

Rachel breaks down in the Have Not Sanitarium, though it’s hard to hear her whining over Jordan’s eyerolling. Without Brendon around, it’s Jordan’s job to manage the redheaded crazy machine. Jordan has words of wisdom, but what she really needs is a ShamWow to wipe all the mascara that is running down Rachel’s face. Elsewhere in the house, Porsche and Danielle listen to the show. Looks like these two are forming an alliance now that the former no longer wants to hitch her wagons with The Weeping Widow.

The mantle of HoH is weighing on Kalia. I’m not sure it’s as much of a weight as, say, running the country, but you wouldn’t know it by Kalia’s gravitas in conveying the double-edged sword that the role entails. Speaking of perspective, Jeff is in the kitchen, comparing the game play of the show to going to war in Vietnam. Holy…wow. Kalia overhears them saying she’s just Danielle’s sheep. And now SHE is crying. If every room in the “Big Brother” house were simultaneously showing “The Notebook,” I’d get it. But as it stands, it’s just ridiculous.

It’s PoV nomination time. Kalia, Jeff, and Rachel are automatically in. All three are out for themselves this time around. The three other people selected to compete: Adam, Shelly, and Jordan, selected via “Houseguest Pick” by Rachel. Porsche is then chosen to host the game. EXCELLENT. I’ve been waiting for her latest attempt at being a Show Girl on “The Price is Right.” In the sanitarium, Jeff and Jordan try to ensure that Shelly is still on their side. The Shelly doth protest so much, sayeth my wife nexteth to me. “I can’t take any more women crying,” says Jeff, which puts me in an odd position of actually agreeing with something he says. Then he goes off about all the women in the house synchronizing their periods, and once again we’re on opposite sides of the fence. Whew. That felt weird.

The roommates walk out, dressed in Grecian garb, for the competition. “If there was a ribbon for who looked best, I think Lawon would take it home,” says Jeff, apparently seeking consideration for hosting duty on “Project Runway.” Rachel seems to know what’s up, but she’s not sharing it with her competitors. The game at hand: “Big Brother Odyssey”. There’s a two-sided ramp for each player, and they have to roll the ball up one side, run around, and catch it on the other. Each time the ball goes over the apex, a point gets added to their score. If the ball ever drops, they are back down to zero. The goal: reach 300 points. I’m not kidding you. 300 points. We’re going to be doing this through the freakin’ house vote tomorrow night.

The game plays about as exciting as it sounds, with people trying to balance skill and speed but ultimately achieving neither. Jeff and Adam start to pull ahead, with Jordan sagely noting, “At this point, Adam has more balls then Jeff.” Ahem. The other players slowly start giving up as the men push further and further ahead. Kalia starts rooting for Jeff for self-preservation purposes, which thrills Danielle to no end. Both men start to falter at the end, unable to even get the ball over the hump to score points. As soon as Adam gave a talking head touting his chances, I knew that he was doomed. Jeff wins, just barely scraping by to earn The Power of Veto.

You’re not gonna believe this, but Rachel starts crying post-competition. She actually says, “It’s hard without Brendon. I can’t even stand up for his memory.” HE’S NOT DEAD, RACHEL. This isn’t “Rocky IV” where you’re avenging the loss of Apollo Creed. Jordan is convinced that she’s going to be the replacement candidate now that Jeff is safe. She and Jeff go to the HoH room to talk to Kalia. He’s still steamed about the initial decision on her part, and she’s stunned by his continued anger. She agrees to not put up Jordan in order to get out of his future crosshairs, but it doesn’t really assuage his ire. Did I mention he’s super angry? Just checking.

Adam decided to shave his beard. Yes, this is what we’re watching on primetime television. People shaving. I can’t believe I’d rather watch Rachel plead for her life than something else, but bravo, Adam’s beard. You’ve done the impossible. Rachel asks Kalia for forgiveness, and vows to never get rid of her going forth. For some reason beyond all human comprehension, Kalia thinks this might be a good idea. Danielle shows as much wonderment as I do at this change. Kalia says she needs to step out of Danielle’s shadow. Hmm. I’d rather have Danielle as human shield, but that’s me. But then, out of nowhere, Lawon actually offers himself up to be evicted, theorizing that he could come back into the game, thanks to the twist, perhaps with special powers. Special powers? Does he think he will return suddenly able to teleport or move objects with his mind? In any case, Kalia and Danielle can’t believe their luck.

It’s Veto Meeting Time. Lawon promises a performance for the ages when the seemingly inevitable happens. I’ll be honest: I’m a little excited for it, despite myself. It could be the “Hell No!” of all “Hell No!”s. Jeff takes himself off the block, and Kalia stands up to make her next nomination. When she nominates Lawon, Rachel actually smiles. Jeff is ecstatic too, smelling blood in the water. “I know the twist will make me more powerful than ever!” exclaims Obi-Lewon Kenobi. I guess it really is win-win for everyone, at least for tonight. But tomorrow? Different story.

 

Did Lewon make the right decision? Does the prospect of more Rachel, possibly reunited with Brendon, thrill or depress? And will a suddenly shorn Adam just coast to the finals untouched by all the nuttiness around him? Sound off below!