Yes, it’s getting down to the wire, and tonight’s episode just may make the difference between a brutal upset and the end result I’ve been dreading – a cakewalk for the (b)rigade. But what I’m really excited to see? Matt’s scummy lie about his wife suffering from a fatal disease being outed. I hope they have a barbeque at the jury house, because, even if they don’t choose to roast him alive, they could at least make him walk on some hot coals or carve an L for liar into his forehead or something something.

 

[Full recap of Thursday's (Sept. 2) "Big Brother" after the break...]
 
Hayden’s pissed at Lane for voting for him, but he’s not too worried. Enzo isn’t worried, either. I want them both to worry, honestly, because it’s time for Lane to take down their asses.
 
Lane is realizing the house isn’t big enough for Britney and the (b)rigade. Oh, come on, Lane. I am really, really hoping Lane isn’t as dumb as he sometimes acts, because he must realize that, like Matt before him, he’s the odd man out in the (b)rigade.
 
At least someone realizes it, even if it’s not Lane. Ragan, who has a very clear idea of what’s going on in the house, starts working on Britney. He tells Britney he’d take her to the final two, not because he adores her, but because she’s the only person he could theoretically beat. Well, that’s honest. Britney seems to be sold, and suggests Ragan talk to Lane. I am really hoping Lane and Britney realize that keeping Hayden in the game is one big, bad mistake, but that may be too much to hope for.
 
Ragan spells it out for Lane. He knows about the (b)rigade, but more importantly he knows (and I think Lane must know) that Enzo and Hayden are loyal only to one another. And that, if Enzo or Hayden make it to the final two against Lane, they’ll surely win with the jury house. Ragan also brings up a great point – that the jury members want to see game play, and up to this point, Lane’s been a good buddy but not a real player. It’s time for Lane to step it up.   
 
It’s also time for the Chenbot to talk to the hamsters. Ragan liked both punishments, especially the dancing. Enzo is proud of giving his penguin suit some swagger. Britney says the boys are gross and dirty, while Ragan points out she’s a dirty little girl all on her own. Honestly, I don’t feel like these little chats are all that enlightening. And they tend to be kind of gross.
 
Time to go to the jury house! Kathy is stuck chatting with Rachel, who can’t shut up and, worse, is still giggling in that shrieky way she has. Poor Kathy. We see Matt arrive at the house to take his serving of “Big Brother” karma. Break out the hot coals, kids!
 
Not that Matt is going in to take his humble pie like a man. Matt tells Rachel Brendon looks like a penis with his shaved head. He calls Britney a pageant queen. Matt is, amazingly, even less charming in the jury house than he was in the “BB” house.  
 
Next, Brendon walks in, and Rachel is so clearly disappointed she can barely bring herself to hug him. But then she gets over it and clings to him like a hungry, redheaded jellyfish.
 
Finally, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for -- Matt decides it’s time to confess his big, awful lie. Why he wants to confess is really beyond me, because personally I’d want to wait until I was in another zip code than the rest of the hamsters, but okay. He says he wants everyone to know the real him, so I guess he wants everyone to know he’s a devious, egotistical scumbag. 

Once Matt confesses, Brendon tells him he’s going to hell, and he does not seem to be joking. Kathy looks like she’s going to cry and gets up from the table. Rachel gets up from the table next and declares him the worst person she’s ever met in her life. And points out that Kathy has battled with cancer for ten years. And yeah, Matt’s going to be a little lonely for a while.  
 
Matt then says he regrets lying… because he didn’t win. At this point, Rachel tells him to get out of the room, which he refuses to do. Because he just wants everyone to forgive him, I think. Matt, seriously, let it go. You make Kim Jong Il look like a pretty okay guy.
 
Time for the Chenbot to chat with Lane! Lane trusts the (b)rigade. No, Lane, no! The Chenbot tells Lane he needs to consider some backstabbing. Lane admits he has been playing the role of half a dodo. Well, yes you have, Lane. And we haven’t necessarily seen any evidence that you aren’t half a dodo, so you’d better vote out Hayden, pronto.
 
Uh-oh, it’s time for the boys on the block to plead their cases. Ragan gives his Oscar speech and dedicates his performance to his dad. Hayden just stands up and says basically nothing, because he’s, like confident.
 
In the diary room, Enzo votes to evict Ragan.
Britney votes to evict… Ragan? Seriously? C’mon, Britney! You idiot! Why don’t you just hand Hayden or Enzo the $500,000 right now? This is TERRIBLE.
 
So, of course, Ragan is shown the door for his Chenbot interview. The Chenbot asks Ragan why he his rational arguments didn’t work, and he says the other hamsters are perhaps too loyal for the game. Or stupid, but that’s just my opinion. He also says he doesn’t regret defending Matt, and thinks he’s an excellent human being. Boy, can’t WAIT to see Ragan’s face when he hears about Matt’s little secret! Oh, and he’s going to use his saboteur money on a hybrid or a BMW. Good for you, Ragan.
 
In their goodbye messages, Lane tells Ragan he made good arguments, but he needed to stick by his boys, while Lane calls him a credit to the gay community.
 
Sigh. There’s no time to dwell on how outrageously stupid Lane and Britney are being, because it’s time for the HOH competition. It’s Big Brother Christmas, and the hamsters have to decorate Christmas trees. Britney keeps dropping her ornaments. Britney is screwed. Hayden takes an early lead. So, it seems Hayden wins HOH, he’ll put Lane and Britney on the block, and Lane’s dream of he and Brit-Brit in the final two is going to disappear like deeply discounted Vera Wang gowns at a wedding dress sale.
 
So, Britney and Lane, hope you feel really great about being SO loyal to your buds Enzo and Hayden, because, even though you were too chicken to make a power move, they certainly won’t be and they’re gunning for both of you. But, you know, who really needs $500,000 when you have such good and loyal friends?
 
I guess you could look at this season’s “BB” as heartwarming, the way Ragan has. But personally, I’m just thinking some of these players are too damn stupid to live.
 
Do you think Britney and Lane made a mistake? Were you surprised to see Regan go? Who do you think is going to win?