It's going to be a wild and crazy Thursday (August 25) night on "Big Brother." Not only are we going to see the result of the eviction vote between Daniele and Kalia, but Julie Chen already promised that this will be a double-elimination episode. Will the hasty second stage of competitions shake everything up for the hamsters?

Click through to find out...

9:00 p.m. ET. Madness, I tell you! 

9:01 p.m. I don't care how many seasons I've watched "Big Brother" and I don't care how many times it gets said each episode or each season, every time I hear a hamster talk about "backdoor-ing" another contestant, it makes me giggle.

9:03 p.m. Julie Chen promised that *all* of tonight's action would take place live. Did she really mean "live"? Or did she just mean "live other than long flashback clip packages"? 

9:04 p.m. I hope somebody made a gif of Porsche randomly crossing her eyes. She's a photogenic gal, Porsche is. Except for when she's not.

9:04 p.m. Julie repeats that "it all happens live," but she's lying. Flashback to the end of the Power of Veto ceremony. "If I stay this week, it will be war," Daniele vows. "Now I have to pick between the two friends I have in the house," Porsche laments. Kalia figures she's a pawn and plans to lay low, but she gets choked up about the possibility of losing her bestest friend. And Jeff needs to stop calling himself "Big Jeff." 

9:06 p.m. Daniele has decided that Jordan and Rachel are both guaranteed positions in the Final Two. Shelly and Daniele can't bring themselves to give Rachel $50 grand. In an effort to win her trust, Daniele promises Shelly on her grandmother's name that she won't put her up if the opportunity ever arises. Shelly, who didn't learn anything from last week's scheming smackdown, decides it's time to think about splitting up Jeff and Jordan and aligning with Daniele. She shares her suspicions with Adam, who has emerged as this season's most spineless and annoying player. He waffles. Because that's what he does. At least he mostly squirms silently, so I don't have to hear him talk. Ugh.

9:09 p.m. Jeff is pumping iron and Adam is hovering in awe. He's even aping Jeff's weight-lifting, albeit on a far wimpier scale. "Adam doesn't use Adam's brain. Adam uses Jeff's brain," Daniele complains, calling the alleged rocker a doofus. That's kind.

9:11 p.m. A strange snake game appears in the backyard and Adam sets to perfecting it. Meanwhile, with nothing else working in her favor, Shelly goes to Rachel and reveals that Jeff threw the Cornhole game. And that game sent Brendon home. Uh-oh. Hell hath no emotionally imbalanced fury like a Rachel scorned. She decides to play Encyclopedia Brown, investigating Jeff's betrayal. Rachel senses that as long as Daniele is in the game, Daniele and Jeff will be at odds, which benefits her. Suddenly, Daniele sees "a vision of hope in red extensions and furry boots."

9:14 p.m. Time for a live chat. The news of the double-eviction earns applause from the hamsters. Forget about chatting. We've only got time for closing statements. Daniele, looking very good tonight, thanks everybody at CBS for giving her a second chance in the game and calls herself the only person in the house who loves the game. "I came here to play the game that I love and unfortunately other people have a different agenda," Daniele says in a tense, angry speech. Something happened that we didn't see and Daniele knows she's done. Kalia wisely says nothing.

9:16 p.m. Jordan votes to evict Daniele. Porsche votes to evict Kalia. Shelly votes to evict Kalia. Hmmm... Rachel votes to evict "bad gameplay and backstabbers," and boots Daniele. Interesting. Again, we missed something fun. Boo. Adam also votes to evict Daniele. Because he's pathetic. And useless. To think that I liked him in the first couple weeks. It takes more than shared love for bacon to win my respect, Adam. Anyway, that's all she wrote.

9:18 p.m. It's frustrating that we clearly missed the week's most exciting drama. I don't have the time to watch the live feeds all day, but that seems to be where the good stuff -- fights, homophobia, bikinis -- is hidden. Daniele is evicted. "Step it up, people," Daniele says. In the house, people put on socks and Jeff applies chapstick. 

9:20 p.m. "What do you think happened?" asks Julie. Daniele calls Adam "the worst player to ever play this game" and blames the hamsters for wanting to give Jeff and Jordan money. "I'm not a coaster. I'm a fighter. I came here to play a game," says Daniele, who admits the Golden Key left her a bit bored in the beginning. Kalia cries in her taped message and vows revenge on Rachel and then Jeff. "I could care less about your stupid jury vote," Rachel says, calls Daniele a bitch and says she isn't half the game player her father is. Daniele rolls her eyes and reassures the audience that Rachel isn't merely getting a bad edit, that this is who she is.

9:25 p.m. Head of Household time. It's called "Before or After." It's all about remembering the order in which events occurred this season. First eliminated in Worst Player Ever Adam. Rachel and Porsche and Shelly all go out next. Your new Head of Household? KALIA, who beats Jordan and almost single-handedly restores the potential for unpredictability to this season. Like I said, madness is about to ensue. 

9:32 p.m. Decision time for Kalia. Who is she going to nominate? She wastes no time and nominates Jeff and Rachel. That was a minute of programming. Off for more commercials.

9:37 p.m. That was a good commercial block. Let's get the Power of Veto out of the way so that I can get some more commercials.

9:38 p.m. The PoV competition is called "Clowning Around." It involves digging through a ball pit and finding two yellow clown shoes. Well, OK. Rachel is the first to find a clown shoe, followed by Shelly, Porsche, Adam and finally Jeff. It's not an exciting challenge, but there's so a lot of swearing going on. In any case, Porsche ends up winning. "I won something," Porsche yells. [I guess that snake game didn't come into play immediately, did it?]

9:45 p.m. We return in time for a lot more swearing. Is it *all* Rachel? Or are other people swearing as well?

9:46 p.m. Heh. Porsche doesn't know where her mark is. Live TV!

9:46 p.m. Rachel's practically broken, but she tells Porsche to think about her game moves before she makes them. Jeff points out that he used his Veto last week on Porsche and compliments Porsche's hair. "It's what Daniele would have wanted, for me to not use the Veto this week." ZING! And that's it for this programming block.

9:50 p.m. Julie Chen seems almost breathless with excitement. Live TV!

9:50 p.m. Back in the house, Jeff is lobbying aggressively. VERY.

9:51 p.m. "You're going to make the best decision for your game," Rachel says in her exit plea, swearing she respects them all as game player. Jeff references a blow-up that he had with Shelly in the morning and begs her to make amends. Yikes. What did we miss? Jordan is in tears. Darnit, Shelly. Are you going to make Jordan cry?

9:52 p.m. Jordan votes to evict Rachel. Porsche votes to evict Jeff. Even Julie Chen makes fun of Adam, who tugs at his ear and votes to evict Rachel. Shelly votes to evict... JEFF. That means it's a tie, which gives Kalia the final decision.

9:54 p.m. Kalia votes to evict Jeff, saying that she's voting him out because he has the ability to win the game. There's a lot of swearing as Jeff departs. I'm not going to be sad to see him go, but it makes me sad to see Jordan sad. Shelly is also bawling for absolutely no reason.

9:55 p.m. Jeff doesn't think he sealed his own fate by backdooring Daniele. "Nobody in there has a sack," Jeff says. "I'm a man. I'm strong," a pumped up Jeff rants. 

9:58 p.m. We return to the house, where everybody is crying and suddenly Jordan and Rachel have become besties. They're consoling themselves, while everybody else is consoling Shelly. To that, I can only say, GET OVER IT, SHELLY.

9:59 p.m. Anyway, that was a busy episode, eh? And probably it was eventful in the ways it had to be eventful. Nothing was going to be duller than watching Jeff and Jordan coast to the end and the Kalia-Porsche alliance was correct to boot Jeff and keep the odious Rachel. But just because I understand that what went down tonight was solid strategy doesn't mean I have to be enthusiastic about the power alliance now in control.

Did you get enough commercial time this episode? Did you enjoy the way things played out?