So, after last night’s crazypants episode, we’re in for one that’s just going to be, well, depressingly predictable. The diamond power of veto is getting played tonight, and I’m pretty sure we can all guess exactly what’s going to happen, especially as far as who’s going home (Gimme a K…). You know, it seems patently unfair to me that Matt gets a game changing prize out of Pandora’s Box and all Brendon pulls is essentially a massage and a nice dinner. However, Julie says we should never underestimate the power of the pretzel. Okay, Julie, surprise me, because otherwise I’m tempted to take a nap.
[Full recap of Thursday's "Big Brother" after the break...]
Ragan can’t imagine Matt going home, because Matt’s wife is suffering from an imaginary bone disease. Oh, Ragan, you poor, sad sucker. Matt acts whiny and pathetic. Then winks at the camera. Suck it, Matt. Could you suck more as a human being? Let me answer that. No, you couldn’t. You know what would be funny? If Matt’s wife actually did contract a rare bone disease. And no one cared, because Matt lied about it on national TV. Okay, even I wouldn’t wish a rare bone disease on someone, but still, Matt sucks.
When Matt discovers that Kathy saw Rachel’s pretzel message and didn’t tell him, he feels BETRAYED. As if someone lied to him. About something important. Oh, yeah, Matt, pot, meet kettle. But now he knows who he’d like to put on the block. Or maybe he’ll put up Enzo, because Enzo kind of hints he’d be okay with Matt going home. Matt loves having all this power. Someone take that diamond power of veto and beat Matt with it, because he just deserves heavy bruising.
Ragan gets his next saboteur assignment – to leave a note that says “I know your secret” somewhere in the house. Finally, a challenge where he can actually get caught! Ragan leaves the note under Enzo’s pillow. Enzo, of course, starts freaking out and shows it to all the hamsters. And concludes that Kathy is the saboteur. Because she made his bed. I think the really interesting thing here is that Kathy sleeps with a sock monkey. Would the saboteur really sleep with a sock monkey? C’mon. Matt, however, is thrilled, because he wants to give Kathy the boot anyway. I’m not saying Kathy’s deadweight, but still, it kind of sucks to be given the boot because you made someone’s bed.
The Chenbot grills the hamsters. Ragan tells her his integrity is not for sale. Lane wants Muscle Milk. Don’t worry, Lane, I’m sure you will get a huge box of it for making that network plug. Then, the Chenbot reveals that the saboteur’s reign of terror is over. Why does the Chenbot always have to reassure everyone about the saboteur? I thought the point of this show was to watch the hamsters fly into unnecessary panics?
Time for a home visit! We get to visit Lane and Britney’s small home towns. We learn that Britney was meant to go places, and that Lane hangs out at a gas station mini-mart and is really complex. Really? But then, his family seems a little dense, as they’re sure Lane’s bringing Britney home to visit even though she’s, you know, engaged. What are they, polygamists? How small is this town anyway? Because really, there seems to be a little inbreeding given that they missed that massive rock on Brit-Brit’s finger.
Time for Matt and Lane to plead their cases. Matt tells Brendon he’s a spineless wimp and a big dummy as he pulls out the diamond power of veto. Matt saves himself and names (you guessed it) Kathy. Duh.
Lane tells everyone he loves them. Kathy tells everyone she loves them. Okay, Chenbot, do something with the power of the pretzel, because so far everything’s gone according to Matt’s evil plan.
Hayden votes to evict Kathy
Enzo picks Kathy
Can I go put in a load of laundry? Because this is boring.
Ragan picks Kathy
Matt picks Kathy
Does anyone else want a nap? Or to see what else is on?
Britney picks Kathy
So, yeah, Kathy’s out. Did I really need to watch this show tonight? I could have done something constructive, like floss my back molars or clip coupons.
Kathy hugs everyone and asks someone to feed her fish. Matt calls himself a creep. He’s joking. He shouldn’t be.
Kathy says it was likely difficult for Matt to put her on the block. No, it wasn’t, Kathy. Kathy may be klutzier than your average two legged cat, but she seems like such a nice girl. And, for the (b)rigade, an easy target.
Then, we get to see Big Brother Says. Which is Simon Says but in the Big Brother house, which is as boring as you might expect. Although the two minute group hug was kind of funny, as Enzo took it as an opportunity to criticize people’s feet.
Time for the HOH competition, which will be questions about Big Brother Says. Ragan and Hayden are out on the first question. Matt’s out on the second one. Lane is out on the fourth question. It’s down to Enzo and Britney. The Chenbot seems very irritated with Enzo, as he likes to take his time, and she is a very time conscious robot. Finally, Britney wins HOH. Yuck.
Hmm, the Have Not selections are artichokes and anchovies, broccoli and bean dip or prunes and pimento loaf. All I can say is, broccoli and bean dip is a really bad idea unless the goal is to make the whole house suffer. I will say no more.
The Chenbot has to chat up the hamsters. Did Matt just call Ragan his cuddle buddy? And that concludes are entirely useless and predictable “BB” episode for the evening. Really, they could have run an infomercial for the Snuggie and it would have been more useful.
Hopefully, though, next week will be more exciting, as next Thursday is a double eviction. That could be good fun! But only if Matt goes. Or we do a home visit to find his wife is in the hospital suffering from some rare bone disease… Okay, I’ll stop now and give myself a slap on the wrist for that. This time.
Who do you think Britney will put on the block? Do you think Brendon can win POV? And do you think the (b)rigade will turn on Matt for not revealing the diamond POV?
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