To quote Andrew, Mazel tov indeed! Despite all odds, Rachel has won HOH for a second time, Andrew has exposed Hayden and Kristen’s showmance on his way out of the house and basically, the hamsters have all gone ballistic. Truthfully, I find Rachel and Brendon wildly annoying, but I find the brigade (I still refuse to capitalize that – these doofuses are strictly lower case) even more so, so I’m rooting for the power couple by default.
How much fun was it to see Andrew’s final moments outing the Hayden/Kristen showmance? The louder Kristen and Hayden shrieked, the guiltier they looked. And, as Andrew, said, why would he lie? Neither Kristen or Hayden had a compelling argument against that, but that didn’t keep them from running their mouths at top volume, hoping to drown Andrew out. I have to say, even though he was an enormous self-sabotaging dork, I give Andrew mad props for going down in flames while dragging everyone else he could with him. Maybe that’s not good gameplay, but it’s great TV!
When Ragan says he’s been praying for a down and dirty fight for over a month, I am right there with him. And watching Kristen and Rachel scream at one another, I really was prepared for hair extensions to get yanked. But no, it just ends in shrieking and finger pointing and a little hissing, which is still pretty exciting given how well behaved everyone has been in the house thus far.
Britney is thrilled to watch the Kristen and Rachel fight, because it means there’s less of a target on her back. Enzo, he just wants to see some mud and Jell-O wrestling, while Lane would like a bucket of popcorn as he watches the slapdown. Yes, the brigade (except for Hayden) hasn’t been getting any, and it shows.
Oh, my. Rachel isn’t done with the shrieking. She is furious with Kathy when Kathy hugs Kristen and Hayden and not her. Rachel, try to calm down and make nice for ten minutes. I think Rachel might have a persecution complex.
Rachel informs Brendon she’s going to be a big bitch all week. Brendon thinks that’s not the smartest idea Rachel’s ever had. I think this is hysterical. I’m especially enjoying watching the showmance girls come completely unglued while their beaus realize that, oh crap, they’re involved with crazy women and, even worse, these lunachicks might bring them right down with them. This is why men dump your asses in real life, girls, just keep that in mind.
Hayden talks to Rachel, and Rachel starts crying. To Hayden. Yes, Rachel is really coming unscrewed. Hayden tells Rachel he’s not in the house for a showmance. Which isn’t the same as denying he’s in one. Rachel, to her credit, knows he’s lying through his teeth. She may be nuts, but she’s proven to have some skill at reading people.
Rachel apologizes to Kristen. Kristen refuses to accept the apology. Dumbass! Hayden also thinks Kristen was a dumbass. Although, he tries to express this in a sensitive, calm manner, to his credit. I think he fears that using a loud voice with Kristen might cause her head to come flying off her shoulders to rip his throat open.
Enzo is a little less sensitive and tells Hayden he can kiss his showmance goodbye, because Kristen’s out. Considering that Kristen refuses to look at Rachel’s HOH room, I think Enzo’s right.
Rachel inflicts the Spice Girls on the rest of the housemates. Or so we think, because apparently CBS didn’t get the clearance to air the music. The housemates are getting very good at fake smiling as they eat their livers over the fact Rachel is getting way too comfortable in the HOH room.
Kristen swears to Kathy she’s not going anywhere. Because they don’t know who she really is. Really? Kristen either has something amazing up her sleeve, or she’s mentally ill. Ooh, spicy!
Rachel dresses up like a hoochie mama cop, which gets Brendon a whole hella lot of excited, reminding him that, oh yes, this is what he first saw in her. And she’s dressed like this to fit the day’s activity, which is to commemorate the hamsters going to a screening of “The Other Guys,” starring Will Ferrell and Marky Mark. But the screening is only for a lucky few who win the luxury competition. Britney is desperate to see the movie. Of course, Matt points out that the housemates haven’t seen the outside world for almost a month, so leaving the house for any reason is super appealing. Really, they could promote any crap, including mimes, and the hamsters would pee themselves with excitement.
Heading to the challenge, Kathy is thrilled to see crime scene tape in the backyard. It’s her world! Except it’s really an obstacle course. Which means, despite all the many similarities to Kathy’s job, she’ll still suck at it.
Red team is up first. Lane is matched with Matt and Britney, which isn’t a big deal, as Lane is just dragging them along like little kids in a stroller.
The yellow team is Ragan, Kristen and Kathy. Kristen is determined to win. Which would be easier if Ragan wasn’t calling out safety tips and Kathy weren’t tripping and falling like a drunk in a tornado.
Finally, Brendon, Hayden and Enzo make up the green team. They plow through the course at super speed and cross the finish line giggling like a bunch of little girls. Aw, Brendon might be making friends!
Red team: 52 seconds
Yellow team: 2 minutes and 18 seconds
Green team: 47 seconds
Brendon, Hayden and Enzo are going to the movies! With Rachel. Which is a shame, as Brendon could use the screening as a way to make nice with the brigade. But no, he’s going to be sucking Rachel’s face off. On a more positive note, Kristen can suck eggs.
Later, Rachel and Britney take a bubble bath together. Wearing their bathing suits. This is an odd idea, but I suspect Rachel suggested it, as Britney would rather have pebbles stuck up her nose than suggest fun things to do with Rachel. However, she is very convincing playing Rachel’s BFF and, of course, enjoys any opportunity to trash someone, in this case, Kristen. If she closes her eyes, she can pretend she’s bagging on people with Monet.
Time for sucking up to the HOH! Kathy goes to Rachel to plead her case. She insists she’s not floating. Rachel is not convinced. Eh, keep Kathy around. She might be useful someday, Rachel.
Hayden tries to convince Kristen to suck up to Rachel. She’s not interested. Hayden tells her he’ll kill himself if she goes home this week. Oh, Hayden. However, that idle threat seems to work. Amazingly, Kristen goes up to kiss Rachel’s ass. Kristen tells Rachel she’s a rational person? Really? Kristen claims she’s never gunned for Rachel, and they start talking about being friends and not knowing where everything went wrong. OMG, this is like watching a bad high school break-up or a Barbra Streisand movie.
As ridiculous as the Rachel/Kristen conversation is, it’s apparently effective. Rachel tells Brendon she may not want to put up Kristen after all. Brendon is starting to think he’s dating a lunatic. You can actually see the fear in his eyes, as if he’s worried crazy is catching.
Rachel has to make her nominations, and, like, this game is SO hard!
Brendon is safe
Britney is safe
Ragan is safe
Lane is safe
Enzo is safe
Matt is safe
Kathy is safe
So, as expected, Hayden and Kristen are up for eviction. Rachel tells them they aren’t fighters, and she feels like they’re gunning for her and Brendon. So, there.
Kristen doesn’t care, because she is going to bring it. Um, okay. Because she’s brought it so many times before. Oh, wait, she hasn’t. Hayden is going to do what’s best for him, which suggests he’s not so likely to kill himself when Kristen goes home this week. So much for snuff reality TV.
Poor Brendon. He can’t understand why Rachel won’t play nice. What? Wasn’t he the one who wanted her to put up Kristen and Hayden? But he thinks his girl is on a power trip. I’m thinking everyone in the house is becoming unglued. To which I say, finally! That means it’s only getting better from here!
Do you think Kristen is going home? Do you think Rachel and Brendon are doomed? And who are you rooting for?
Everything: Big Brother
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