Yes, it’s down to the final five, and the sad reality is that the (b)rigade, with the exception of Matt, seems poised to swoop into the finals once they pick off Britney and Ragan. Unless they don’t. I’m kind of hoping that Ragan, who is alternately weepy and fierce in equal amounts, gets his big girl panties on and, like Brendon before him, clings to the rim of the “BB” house until the bitter end. Hey, it could happen. Because really, I can’t bring myself to root for anyone else, unless they change the prize from $500,000 to a really hard thump on the head, given what a vile bunch of hamsters this lot has turned out to be.
Anyway, let’s get on with it! Ragan admits his opinion of Brendon had evolved. I wish it had evolved enough for him to form an alliance with the guy, because really, if Brendon, Ragan and Britney had formed a block, they might have had a chance against the (b)rigade. Just saying.
This week we learn that Hayden completely betrayed Brendon. Which he excuses with “Sorry, Brendon, sucks to be you.” My desire to rip out every lock of Hayden’s hair and break his surfboard is sometimes quite overwhelming.
Time for HOH competition! It involves gambling. Enzo practically wets himself, because he loves gambling! Except it’s not really about gambling, but about flipping a ball into a box, which involves less card playing skill and some hand eye coordination. Not that Enzo cares, because he’s determined to win. Which is good, because Lane doesn’t want to, as winning would mean choosing between his bros and his potential ho, Britney. And Lane isn’t ready to close the door on his ho until, yes, he taps that. I mean, he doesn’t say that out loud, but you know he’s thinking it.
So the game begins, and unfortunately for him, Lane nails his “blackjack” right out of the gate. Ragan gets it in three tries, which is still pretty good. Britney, however, sucks it, as she flips the ball like, to use the wretched old cliche, a girl. Can Enzo do better than Britney? Barely, but yes. Britney’s out.
Round two! Ragan’s up first, and he blows it. Enzo is so excited! But then he blows it MORE, because Enzo has never met a competition he hasn’t screwed up. Lane is horrified, because it’s finally sinking in that counting on Enzo to win anything is like expecting a Kardashian sister to get a Ph.D. So, it’s down to Ragan and Lane.
Lane gets blackjack in five shots, so there’s a possibility Ragan could top him. C’mon, Ragan! But he blows it. Damn! Lane is the new HOH. Crap, crap, crap.
Britney is SO thrilled Lane won HOH! Because he’s her bud! Except he’s not! Enzo’s thrilled! But I wouldn’t be so thrilled if I were Penguin Boy. Enzo doesn’t seem to realize that everyone else in the house has noticed he’s the biggest deadweight there is that isn’t part of the backyard weight set. Even Hayden suggests Enzo as a pawn to Lane, which only confirms that Hayden is as big of a dirtbag as we thought he was.
Time to see Lane’s HOH room! Britney’s so happy for him! She’s so glad to see his room! Britney, wake up! He’s just not that into you!
But we quickly find out that Britney isn’t that into Lane, either. Britney tells Hayden she might not vote for Lane, because she doesn’t think he needs the money. This would be the drawback of Lane telling everyone that his family owns oil wells and all he has to do for work is take people golfing. Oh, and he owns a brand new house. And truck. And his dad has airplanes. What exactly is Lane doing on this show, anyway?
While we ponder that little question, it’s time for some comic relief. Enzo is getting stir crazy, so he turns the weight set into a spaceship. Britney makes a tiara out of tinfoil. I think the hamsters need medication at this point. Or at least a Scrabble set.
But all they get is a big, bad surprise. Lane walks into his HOH room and finds a Pandora’s box invite. The box promises $10,000, so Lane goes for it. He has to open three envelopes, which promise money for him but punishments for the entire house. But Lane’s envelopes yield $91.17. Hayden is furious, because Lane probably got $10,000 and God knows he’s never taken gifts in lieu of winning a challenge or anything. Oh, right, Hayden is a big, hypocritical scumbag, I forgot.
Time for the first Pandora’s Box punishment -- they have no silverware or cups for a week. That means the Meow-Meow eats like an actual kitten. How cute! But not really. I guess we’re supposed to be amused by watching the hamsters swigging out of Coke bottles and lapping at their food, but really, it’s not that interesting. I’m beginning to feel as bored by “BB” as the hamsters are about living there.
As usual, it’s time for begging and strategizing. Britney asks Lane who he’s putting on the block. Lane says Ragan and Enzo. And then, he admits he wouldn’t put up Hayden, but he would put her up. Britney is pissed! And shocked! How could Lane like Hayden more than her! She’s been his bestest friend since the first day! Oh, Britney, you’re not even available, how far did you really think Lane was going to go for you?
But apparently Britney’s whining works, because Lane asks Hayden if he wants to be the pawn. You know, at this stage in the game, maybe you don’t ask people if they want to be the pawn so much. Lane is so not good at this HOH thing.
Time for nominations! Well, this will be quick.
First key goes to Britney. Whoa!
Second key goes to Hayden. Sorry, Enzo, you’re screwed.
Lane tells Ragan it’s all strategy, and then tells Enzo it’s about the POV. Not that Enzo will win it, because he never wins anything. Ironically, Lane has set this up quite well to get Ragan off the block, because it would have been a lot harder to do if Ragan was going up against Britney. I just wonder who Lane will put up if Ragan wins POV.
Lane tries to defend his decision in the DR by pointing out that Enzo never wins anything, thus making Britney more deserving. I have to say, I’m kind of thrilled that Lane is throwing a wrench into the (b)rigade’s master plan, given that Enzo has been not only endlessly bossy but a leader with absolutely nothing to back it up. Talk about a floater. Of course, Enzo is furious to be the pawn in this situation and just can’t understand why Lane would pick Britney over him. I will say strategically, Enzo’s a better choice because he sucks so hard at any competition, but I won’t cry if he gets kicked out the door for exactly that reason. Have to say, though, this week’s POV should be mighty interesting.
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Do you think Ragan will survive? Do you think Lane should have picked Enzo over Britney? Would you like to slam Hayden’s smug face against a wall repeatedly?