Only four aspiring glamazons remain in this All-Star cycle of “America’s Next Top Model!”
 
So what are the challenges this week? Well, in case you haven’t heard, Tyra Banks has “written” a best-selling “novel” called “Modelland.” And this is great news for the Top Model contestants. Why? Because they get the honor of acting this ghost-written crap masterpiece in a brand-new video ... editorial ... thing!
 
But not yet! First comes a less demanding challenge. Because so many models are hired for their, um, writing ability, Nigel Barker announces that the girls must pen a sample blog for Vogue Italia. The girls get outfits and drivers and get to choose where they want to shoot some photos -- you know. To go with the blog. That every model must know how to write.
 
Oh no! Allison and Laura want to shoot their photos at the same spot! They work it out, as Miss J. might say. Angelea needs to shoot photos of herself in a ghetto because, well, she’s obsessed with her ghetto background.
 
Three hours after they get their blogging assignment, Nigel tells them they’re done.
 
Now here comes the “motion editorial” I warned you about. The girls are brought to the set of a Greek TV series and are met by Tyra and Mr. Jay. Tyra whips out a copy of her novel.
 
“This is huge out there right now,” Mr. Jay toadies.
 
So the girls are told they will act out scenes from this novel, Modelland. And In case you wonder what the book is about, it’s about a model named Tookie. And oh! One more thing!
 
“Tookie is inspired by me, my teen self,” Tyra says.
 
No kidding!
 
Let the motion modeling begin. That translates to a lot of running down alleys for a while. (Here’s something interesting: Angelea can’t run like a normal person.) Then we get to meet some of the characters from “Modelland.” There are obsessed with dolls, whipped cream, spiked maces, kittens, and trash.
 
Oh: And blood oranges. So many blood oranges!
 
“All of ‘Modelland’ smells like blood oranges,” Tyra tells a model.
 
Angelea is given a sad, emotional, crying scene to do. She cries on cue. Lisa thinks that Angelea is still too vulnerable to be a top model, but Angelea seems to deliver exactly what Tyra wants -- which is vulnerability!
 
That’s a wrap for the day. There will be more of all this tomorrow.
 
Meanwhile, Nigel calls the editor of Italian Vogue to ask what she thinks of the contestants’ blogs. Allison’s prose is too purple, calling Greece a “wonderland of beauty and sadness.” Laura’s blog photo is too sexy again. Whoops, y’all! If if the photo were fine, Laura’s writing is still not compelling enough for the Vogue editor.
 
Lisa’s blog is OK, but Angelea’s work impresses the most. She talks about fashion; her photos work well. Nigel warns the editor that Angelea has an explosive temper, but she likes her anyway and gives Angelea the prize. Angelea gets a week at the Blue Palace resort (plus one), and a golden crown of laurels from the hotel.
 
The “Modelland” shoot continues for its second day. Tyson Beckford arrives to do some cameos. Good lord but that young man is a thing of beauty. But before the girls can do any more scenes, Tyra emerges and sucks out all the air out of the set by doing her own acting.
 
Here comes the final challenge: The girls shoot a mock reveal. They take turns putting on masks and then removing them. Whoever wins Top Model (for real, not in blood-orange-smelling “Modelland”) will affect which reveal is used in the final scene of the motion editorial.
 
Panel time! Part 1 of the “Modelland” movie is revealed. Allison eats blood oranges. Laura eats whipped cream. Lisa yells like a praetorian guard. Angelea cries. Tyra sucks Tyson’s thumb.
 
Angelea is judged first, and her acting is praised -- even her running, which is, for the record, unexpected comedy. Tyson loves her and calls her “brilliant.”
 
Laura is reminded about her sexiness problem. Allison’s combination of twee and creepiness work for Nigel, but not for Tyson, who notes that Allison can’t find the camera sometimes.
 
Now comes Lisa, who needs a bit of discipline but who, in general, kicks ass in front of a camera, moving or otherwise.
 
“She’s really a performer,” Nigel says.
 
The judges argue over which model to eliminate ... for an unprecedented hour and a half. Producer Ken Mok comes on camera to beg the judges to eliminate someone, anyone.
 
Tyson informs Tyra that she may need to veto another judge’s vote.
 
“I don’t override,” she insists.
 
The callout:
 
Lisa, Angelea.
 
Bottom two: Allison and Laura. (Laura? Really?)
 
Laura gets called out for being too country and cute to do high fashion. Allison is busted down for being too distant and shy.
 
Allison gets to stay; Laura, who seemed such a strong contender only last week, is gone. Allison, meanwhile, is warned to show some personality or risk losing it all.
 
“At 22,” Laura blubbers, “I’ve came (sic) so far.”
 
Next week: We finally find out who is America’s Next Top Model, All Star.

Do we have the right Final Three?