Now that Alexandria has been eliminated, It’s time to get out of the country before she exacts her revenge. So where will we be headed? As we learned last episode, it’s gonna be Greece, but before we can reach for the spanakopita (assuming any of these girls really eat) we have to meet with Andre Leon Talley! He arrives in his straw Chinese boatman hat with two plate-breaking waiters to announce the new overseas trip.

The girls celebrate by eating a stuffed grape leaf and a piece of pita. Then they take off for Athens!

Angelea is ready to bring her A-game, especially after being in the bottom two so many times this cycle. She and the other remaining five girls are greeting upon arrival by Miss J. and Vicky Kaya, host of Greece’s version of ANTM.

The island of Crete is going to be their final destination. The Greek tourism bureaucrats  will be waiting there, and they’ve set up a whole press conference for the contestants. The challenge for each of the girls: Have a speech ready -- and learn a few words of the native language. The winner gets fabulous Greek jewels.

Laura reminds us that she’s dyslexic. The good news: That word is derived from the Greek. Angelea doesn’t want to memorize a speech because then it “won’t be sincere.”

Lisa does fine with her speech until her own silly personality gets in the way. (“Let’s rock and roll”? Really?) She also dresses like a Las Vegas cocktail waitress obsessed with Versace knockoffs, and no, that’s not a good thing.

Allison is a little reserved, but she comes off as natural. Shannon comes off as a bit of a beauty-queen, not to mention delusional in thinking she’s somebody’s role model.

Dominique is next. Allison says she comes off as “goofy,” but when a reporter asks Dominique what her favorite food is, she has a charming answer ready. As for Laura, she stalls horribly, mispronounces her Greek, and names a Roman (cringe) goddess as her ideal.

Whoops, y’all.

Here comes Angelea. She comes off fine at first, but then as a little too natural, asking, um, where the bathroom is. Angelea seems to think this is a wise move.

Miss J. greets the contestants at the Greek ANTM pad at a resort. Miss J. scolds Lisa for dressing like a slut. The challenge winner is Allison and her great big googly muppet eyes! Jeweler Lina Fanouraki presents Allison with a cool-looking cuff bracelet.

That night at the resort, Mr. Jay arrives. He has big news: The finalists will get to design their own gowns for the last runway challenge. Designer Michael Cinco will work with the girls to create their looks.

The theme for the challenge: “Immortal goddess.” All six girls get to sit down with Cinco. But only two girls, of course, will get to wear their gowns in the end. Lisa, poor Lisa, wants Christmas lights. Cinco smacks her down and informs her that it’s tacky. Dominique wants something full-on drag queen.

Next morning, Laura is feelin’ ill, y’all, but she’s made of pure sunshine, and so she’s up and at ‘em for the morning’s photo shoot! The girls will be posing a Greek salad bowl, or something, and they will pose in underwear. Shannon, who thinks that posing in underwear is immoral and dirty and wrong, immediately gets uppity.

Famed photographer Nikos Papadapoulos is the shooter. He’s not to be confused with *noted* fashion photographer Nigel Barker.

“No offense,” a stylist tells Shannon, “but it’s easier to change the model than the prototype.”

Especially when that model thinks that she’s almost literally holier than thou.

“I’m playing this word game with Shannon” about underwear vs. bathing suits, Mr. Jay very reasonably complains. But she won’t budge. She will not do the shoot. At all.

Bring on the cucumbers and tomatoes and cheese! And underwear!

Dominique delivers nice angles, Mr. Jay says.

“My God, this is gorgeous,” he raves.

Here comes Angelea. She looks awkward sitting up, but fine lying down. Mr. Jay says she has no “core strength.”

Allison is asked to bring the same fluid sexy aesthetic that she brought to her winning video. However, we learn, she has “vampire vision,” and her big googly eyes tend to weep in direct sunlight. She also steps into the salad bowl and instantly imagines herself buried in “someone’s organs.” That’s our girl.

Her teary eyes do affect her performance, according to Mr. Jay.

“I really did horrible,” Allison confirms.

Enter Lisa, who loves to our oil on herself while the camera clicks. As for Laura, she soldiers on despite her illness, but she looks like a “sexy little girl, not a model,” Mr. Jay declares.

Back inside the Greek Top Model compound, Allison worries that she may be going home; Shannon worries that she may be going home; Laura worries that she may be going home. It’s that kind of day.

Panel time! Both the noted fashion photographer and the famous fashion photographer are there, along with Tyra and Andre Leon Talley.

Allison is up first. Her eyes are closed in her salad shot, but it still looks fine. As for Angelea, the judges like her sexy shot too. Lisa’s photo is a nice strong profile, though the photographer found her modeling to be a little mechanical.

And here comes Shannon. She has a lot of ‘splaining to do. Nigel calls her out on her stupid semantics.

“I don’t want to book a girl if she has so many limitations,” the photographer complains.

Dominique delivers a very J. Lo-style glamorous shot. Finally: Laura. She looks kind of pale and ill and raunchy.

“It’s so kind of like wrong,” Nigel says.

During deliberation, the judges praise Dominique and even Allison, but Shannon just leaves people scratching their heads.

So does she (pretty please?) go home?

The callout:

Dominique, Allison, Angelea, Lisa.

Bottom two: Laura, Shannon.

Laura gets thumped for delivering a weird photo and straying from her “lovable” brand. Shannon gets smacked around for being a “pure” tool, and for not winning challenges, and for not ever getting best photo.

As Shannon thinks she knows all too well, there is a God, and Laura gets to stay. Shannon is sent back to the resort to pack the underwear that she’s so eager for us not to see.

NEXT WEEK: The girls are asked to criticize each other. To their faces. Ouch.

 

Did the right model go home?