Alexandria and a camel of 'America's Next Top Model'
Credit: The CW
Between garbage-themed shoots and Alexandria’s trash talk, thinks are getting rotten here on Cycle 16 of "America’s Next Top Model". Here’s a theme for you: Recycling! Forget Molly and Brittani and “fiercely real” token fatty Kasia! Bring back Ann Ward from the last season! Now there was a classy broad. No complaints about pigeons! No meltdowns during panel! No horrific weaves! Come back, 2010, come back!
[Full recap of Wednesday's (April 27) "Top Model" after the break...]
Well, at least we’re in an amazing new location: Morocco, land of the casbah, if not a blazing fashion industry.
“It’s a camel!” Alexandria scolds Molly. “How can you not be excited?”
Well, if you must know, Molly is adopted, Alexandria, OK? She has a lot of anger inside and can’t be, like, fake, because the lady who raised Molly is not, like biological. God!
Up next: The obligatory scenic trip to the souk.
At this time, Kasia reveals some daunting news to the confessional camera: IMG, the agency that will represent the winning model, has no token fatty division.
“But it has superstars,” Kasia comments. “They’ll make room for me.”
Sure they will, honey.
Hannah sees some dried roses, but because they’re in a bin in exotic Morocco, she isn’t sure what they are. A guy points out that the roses are potpourri. Like the kind you get at home.
Brittani sees some snakes at the souk -- you know, where the totally authentic snake charmers hang out -- and doesn’t understand why people aren’t snapping the snakes in half and hanging them on the wall. That’s what the folks do “at the bar where I work.” Brittani remarks.
We have no time to ponder this wisdom because Mr. Jay and Miss J. are wearing hijabs and way too much kohl eyeliner, and they have something to say. They announce a fabulous lunch, followed by a fashion tour of the area. But first, a monkey gets to climb all over Alexandria. Sadly, the primate does not do what it was born to do, which is to give Alexandria ringworm.
During lunch, Brittani reminds us once again that she is from a trailer park; if she doesn’t win this competition, it’s unlikely she’ll have the funds to move to New York and build a modeling career on her own.
The girls arrive at a stunning villa-slash-showroom owned by designer Noureddine Amir. The place also serves as a fine setting for Andre Leon Talley to look absolutely fabulous, darling. The girls are asked to try on clothes and essentially do a little go-see for Amir. Brittani loves the little straw tent thing she gets to wear. But Kasia has a harder time. Becausethis is the fashion business, and said business loathes fat people, Kasia can’t find anything to fit her, and it makes her cry. (So much for “changing the industry,” Kasia. Bye.)
Molly gets a long dress that makes her even more shirty than before. Hannah walks up and down in a vest pod thing and looks very controlled, but only Kasia thinks to bring her high heels with her to the go-see. Alexandria thinks she rocks her walk, but she appears a bit stiff, and in the end, Brittani is deemed the girl with the best walk.
Onward, this time to a tea break with Andre at a rooftop locale. Molly just wants to sleep, but Andre is as fresh as a daisy! He reveals that this rooftop is the tippy top of their new exotic Moroccan apartment.
“It’s so not America,” Alexandria expounds. Well, yes, that is correct. In fact this non-American apartment includes a three-person shared bed.
Molly announces that she doesn’t, like, do sleeping with other people, but too bad. She’s sleeping in the triple. She crawls off under the sheets, rolls some completely ineffective Clinique under-eye treatment under her beady peepers, and aims her snake stare at the camera before nodding off.
The next morning, the girls are brought to the Moroccan desert, where camels and cameras await for their elimination photo shoot. The camels are grumpy. Molly is still shirty. This should be a blast!
Fashion photographer Michael Woolley is just so excited to be here too.
“I want the horizon in your eyes,” he instructs. “And show me who you are.”
Brittani is way excited to ride the camel. She takes wonderful risks and pleases the crew.
“Her confidence is back,” Mr. Jay declares.
Molly models the second the camera starts flashing.
“Very Chanel,” Mr. Jay raves.
Here comes Kasia. She’s too posey and appears to be falling off the poor camel.
“It was painful shooting her,” Woolley gripes.
When Mr. Jay asks Kasia what she’s thinking, Kasia of course cries on cue. Mr. Jay encourages her by mentioning that many top designers, including Zac Posen, are booking plus-sized girls.
Before Alexandria can even start her shoot, Mr. Jay warns the photographer that she is going to be way high-maintenance and controlling. And that’s exactly what she is. Mr. Jay tells her she’s being awkward on top of it all.
Finally, we have Hannah. She rides the camel like a bronco in a Perry Ellis ad from the 1980s, and yes, honey, that is a good thing.
And that’s it. The shoot is wrapped. Panel looms!
Whoa, stealth panel judge! It’s not Woolley or Amir, but rather Franca Sozzani, editor in chief of Vogue Italia! How did you crash this souk, lady?
Brittani delivers an androgynous shot that Nigel likes, but Franca think it’s too awkward. Next is Alexandria, who is just glaring while standing on a camel. It would be great if it were Gemma Ward, but Alexandria is no Gemma Ward, and most of the judges know it.
And once again, Alexandria also gets flack for overdirecting.
Kasia has a nice face-forward shot, but, like Alexandria, her face looks grumpy and tight. Andre also sense a lack of energy. “I am not feeling the romantic narrative,” he sighs. And Franca doesn’t see her as a model, period.
Now for Molly. Her photo! It's a moment in time, it’s a narrative -- pick whatever high-fashion phrase of triumph you like. It’s a success.
Hannah is the last to be judged. Her photo is very different and even a little edgy. The Italian interloper wants more expression in the face, but Tyra says Hannah had a lot of good shots to pick from.
The callout: Molly, Brittani, Hannah.
Bottom two: Kasia and Alexandria.
Kasia gets scolded for lacking the confidence and ability she should have at age 26. Alexandria is just a disease of a human being at every shoot she’s in and needs to go far away. And oh: Her photos are uneven.
So who goes home?
Alex-- wait, what? Kasia? REALLY? Kasia is going home? There is no God. Yes, the industry hates fatties, but it really hates bossy girls, or, at least, it’s supposed to. But not this week. Kasia is eliminated. And Alexandria will stick around for the final four.
Next week: The girls must balance platters on their heads. We’ll see if Molly gets furious or merely enraged.