'America's Next Top Model'
Credit: The CW
Gee, I wonder if Demi Lovato may be on this episode. Something tells me Demi Lovato may be on this episode. Why do I keep obsessing over the fascinating fact that Demi Lovato may be on this episode? Could it be the eighty billion stories being lobbed at me by a merciless PR machine like a giant potato gun of high fashion propaganda?
Could be. Maybe. Not sure.
Anyway. We’re on Venice Beach with the finalists for Cycle 15. Harry Perry, a Venice Beach “icon,” is there to greet the contestants. He manages to complete a full sentence, introducing the girls to their new home They shriek accordingly.
Kendal lives in a trailer, so she loves everything she sees. There is, for example, a runway in front of the window, presumably so that icon Harry Perry can ogle the girls whenever they practice.
During a moment of relaxation on the roof, Chris tries to hook up the towering Ann with a man. She replies drily that she wants a warlock who can make sushi; Chris doesn’t get it. Anamaria reveals that she’s lost about 20 pounds, which seems to cow the other girls.
And oh: Kayla is gay. Carry on. Where were we? Oh. Shrieking at the TyraMail. The TyraMail comes, indication a Hollywood challenge. Indeed, the challenge takes place at Hollywood and Highland, home of the Oscars. The girls will be walking in a Diane Von Furstenberg show, on a catwalk four stories up. The girls also have to do their own hair and makeup, with the help of obvious sponsor InStyler.
The girls are attached to safety wires in case they fall -- presumably via couture harnesses. Ann’s ironic fear of heights makes her unsteady on the catwalk, but Chelsey seems to take it in stride, as does and Anamaria. That is, until Anamaria nearly falls off the platform.
Sara, however, is the one who impresses the Jays the most with her natural walk. Kayla also rocks the runway despite the fact that she can’t see without her glasses, and that includes seeing the end of a ledge four stories above the ground.
Back at home, the girls get a new TyraMail indicating that they will have to conquer some sort of stigma or bullying in their next photo shoot. And indeed they do. They arrive at Smashbox studios. Deborah Anderson will photograph the girls in bikinis, with a derogatory word and a contrasting “power word” scrawled all over.
Tyra arrives wearing a tee with the words “big forehead.” “This shoot is very very important to me,” Tyra says. “There is so much bullying going around.”
Busty Esther (“weirdo/independent”) falls ironically flat. Rhianna (“stupid/undefinable”) also struggles and frustrates Anderson. “Oreo/Nubian queen” Kacey is also a blank. But Lexie (“elf ears/unique”) seems to produce some decent shots, as does Chelsey (“Casper/fearless”).
Kayla breaks down in tears before her shoot even starts, remembering how tough coming out was for her. Naturally, her bullying word is “queer.” But her power word is “free.” The photographer is impressed.
Kendal (‘lanky/fierce”) is gorgeous, but it’s unclear whether she’s delivering. Ditto with Jane, who inexplicably pairs the bullying “big face” with the power phrase of “big square head.” Terra (“soup cooler/luscious lips”) comes off a little “bodybuilder” for the photographer and seems to collapse. In fact, no, she really does collapse. Into tears. Her sister Chris (“bony”/”slim”) seems to fare a bit better.
Liz is a “mutt,” a “biracial beauty” and a possible star; Sara (“manly/athletic”), however, has trouble conveying emotion -- unlike Ann (“giant/amazon”) who wows Anderson.
And here comes the overconfident Anamaria, she of the “buckteeth”/”sexy mouth.” Mr. Jay pulls her away from the camera and indicates that she’s too lean and needs to either soften her poses or gain weight. Anamaria, in a classic anorexic/dysmorphic response, indicates that she knows best about how she should look.
Holy crap! It’s Demi Lovato! Why didn’t anyone tell me she’d be coming? Anyway, she announces her charity, Pacer, which deals with, why, yes! Bullying!
Panel time! Guest judge: Von Furstenberg.
Lexie’s photo shows personality and attitude -- in other words, it’s just fine. Kacey looks like a pretty athlete but not necessarily a model. Jane’s pose is way too Victoria’s Secret, but maybe she can grow into a real model.
Kayla is up next and dutifully tears up all over again before displaying a gorgeous photo. Liz’s mutt photo is meh. Esther is almost as awkward as Jane.
Kendal impresses more in person than in her photo, though her pose is great. Sara’s photo is Maxim 101, but Terra is almost embarrassing the way she holds up her strap in her photo. Chris bombs too; Rihanna also has a lame photo, but the judges recognize her long-term potential and go soft on her.
Chelsey proves that she’s a contender with an almost disturbing shot of her looking off in the distance.
Now comes Anamaria. Tyra basically repeats Mr. Jay’s concern about her weight.
Ann! Ann! Ann! Annnnn! Her photo earns a “j’adore” from Von Furstenberg. It’s awesome.
So. The callout.
Best photo: Ann, Kayla, Chelsey, Kendal, Lexie, Liz, Jane, Esther, Chris, Rhianna, Kacey, Sara.
Bottom two: Anamaria and Terra.
Terra gets dressed down for lack of focus in her poses. Anamaria gets criticized for essentially not looking healthy. Terra gets to stay, while Anamaria is sent packing. Even as she leaves, she indicates she won’t change unless “multiple” agents tell her to.
Next week? Is it really makeover time? Already?
You bet. What does Demi Lovato have to say about all this?