And so it has come to this: Chelsey the gap-toothed world-beater versus Ann the awkward dark horse in a fashion fight to! The! Death! The prize for this cycle of America’s Next Top Model is serious, gurl -- high fashion gigs involving high fashion people, including a spread in Vogue Italia, the cover of a Vogue beauty mag, some sort of nebulous exposure on the Vogue Italia Web site, and, of course, of the usual Cover Girl yadda yadda.
Let the couture cage match ... begin!
“20 years,” Chelsey intones. “I’ve wanted this for 20 years.”
“I’ve graduated high school, but this is, like, 20 times better than that,” Ann says.
Oh come on. Somebody scratch somebody’s eyes out already! No suck luck. Instead we’re seeing home video of Ann with her cat. It’s very sweet.
Off to do a shoot for Italian Vogue! A lady who speaksa like theesa meets the girls by a river, along with the requisite hot photographer dude. Hot Photographer Dude seems to like Ann as she poses fetchingly in the grass and knee deep in the H20.
“Ann is more like a fashion model, very high end,” Hot Photographer Guy says.
As for Chelsey, she seems to teetering a bit over into vampy desperation, but the photographer says nice things about her too.
The girls arrive home in their authentic model apartment, where another TyraMail is waiting for them. The TyraMail hints that a commercial is in their future, probably for Cover Girl, or, given our location, Covera Girla.
They arrive in a small Italian waterside town and are given great news: there will be no memorizing of lines. This will shoot like a “real” commercial, meaning they will record their audio voice over separately. Still, none of that helps Ann in the lackluster personality department. And Chelsey knows that.
Take one! Ann does not totally suck! She can walk and act at the same time!
“They really wowed me,” Mr. Jay raves. He declares the video shoot a success. As a special treat the girls get gelato (for the shoot) and their parents (for the show). The folks are going to get to watch the girls as they move on to their beauty shoot.
“Chelsey seems to be very, very easy for what we want to do,” the beauty shooter declares. Ann is deemed more editorial, of course.
And then comes the voice over work. After a little reminder -- that she doesn’t need to look cute while she talks -- she loosens up. Chelsey rushes things a little; can’t blame her, given that she’s wanted all this for, like, 20 whole years!
Another TyraMail; the girls are brought to meet the head of IMG models, the agency that will eventually sign the winner. Chelsey breezes through it and blows some nice smoke, but Ann’s personality doesn’t seem to turn the guy on.
The girls report to the runway for a Roberto Cavalli runway show. Fallen contestants Jane, Kayla, Chris and Liz will join them, along with last year’s winner Krista.
And they’re off. Ann looks like a deer that just got hit by a truck. Chelsey looks like she’s on fire, in a good way. By her second go-‘round, Ann looks a little less wounded, for whatever that’s worth. Chelsey seems very confident that she’s going to win.
And it’s panel time. Andre Leon Talley has donned a graduation robe made of moonbeams and fabulousness.
“This is no joke,” Tyra intones. Hey, thanks for that.
Chelsey’s walk is deemed a bit fast and stiff. Roberto Cavalli likes her fine, even though he didn’t like some of her moves. Ann gets points for improvement in her walk, but her eyes on the runway were all zombie invasion. The Cavalli, he donna like-a her walk-a.
They move on to the Cover Girl commercial. It’s probably the cheesiest commercial the show has ever seen, but the judges are very kind, with the exception of Tyra, who found the whole thing too naturalistic. The Cavalli agrees-a.
Finally we see the Cover Girl stills. Chelsey’s is more commercial and apparently was easier to shoot. Ann looks OK, but she just doesn’t seem to get commercial modeling as much as Chelsey does.
So who gets the coveted prize?
It’s ... Ann!
“I feel cheated,” Chelsey weeps. “I have the whole package.”
Yes, sweetie, but photographers don’t want whole packages. They want crazy looking girls. And if there’s one thing that Ann is, it’s ... different looking.
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