Brenda of 'America's Next Top Model'

Credit: The CW

Welcome to episode three of Cycle 14 of "America’s Next Top Model"! It’s also Round Two of Ren vs. Alasia, the Sad Vortex of Doom vs. The Mouth! And there are probably more numbers too! Give us a while and we’ll get right back to ya!

[Full recap after the break...]

First we get Brenda is 23 and photographs old, or “not fresh” as the judges might say. She needs to work on her angles. Ren, meanwhile, reveals that her mean mom wants her to model, so that’s why she’s still on the show, which probably makes sense to Ren.

The “Fab Bus” pulls up to the side of the road. The girls get on; so does former ANTM contestant Toccara, she of the plus size and the overhyped spread in Italian Vogue. Toccara vamps it up for the cameras before dividing the girls into the Red Team and the Blue Team. The winning team -- the first to answer five questions -- will be going on a go-see at the headquarters of Bluefly.com. The winner of the go-see gets to be in Bluefly’s spring campaign. There are also gift cards involved.

The red team pulls out ahead early, but blue quickly catches up. Blue team wins after Brenda freezes on the tiebreaker. Anslee, who is on the losing team, apparently takes it personal.

Every winner gets $500 in graft from Bluefly. But who wins the challenge and gets to be in the spring campaign? Jessica comes off as too thin and, per one of the Bluefly people, “not striking enough.” Angelea is a disaster. Simone, lovely, pretty Simone, impresses greatly. Mean Krista also impresses. Her love of the business shines through.

Simone wins. She gets a bigger gift certificate and a spot in the spring campaign for Bluefly.

Meanwhile, the losers get their punishment. They have to process incoming inventory for Bluefly. Somehow this is seen as a truly tragic thing. Ren is more miserable than ever; we didn’t know that was possible.

Back at the house, Brenda declares that her whole room is going to bed early. This, of course, spurs Krista, that tower of acceptance, to snicker about Brenda and her looks behind her back, with the help of the equally gracious Angelea and Alexandra.

Ren decides she needs to stick her nose the whole business, so she goes to tell Brenda what the other girls are saying. Because the disses are essentially about Brenda’s haircut, Brenda thinks the insult is really about Tyra. The next day Brenda is discussing what happened with Anslee. Brenda snaps at Anslee, who isn’t having any of it. Ren can’t deal with it. One wonders whether she can deal with anything. The house is increasingly turning on her, and Ren keeps on complaining -- about every. Single. Thing.

Another day, another challenge. The photo shoot is inspired by dance. Each model will portray a different dance genre. Star dancer Troy Powell, formerly of the Alvin Ailey, is there -- in other words, a real dancer, a very accomplished one, and a very big honor for the girls.

Anslee is assigned rhythmic dancing. You know, the dance with the ribbons! Anslee doesn’t seem to know how to integrate it into a photo shoot. Jessica seems to channel salsa dancing -- sort of. Tatianna gets tap, and she starts off with great energy, but it soon fades. Octomom, I mean, Angelea, gets moshing, meanwhile, and Mr. Jay is impressed.

Ren gets disco. She has disco! And she doesn’t do anything fun! It’s almost tragic.  Alexandra channels break dancing and actually does well, as does Raina with jazz. Brenda gets African, but, like Tatianna, she has no energy. “I’m just laughing,” Mr. Jay says, “because your rhythm sucks.” Krista pushes very hard within the realm of ballet; her effort is impressive, but it’s too soon to say whether Mr. Jay likes it too. Poor Simone can’t do anything with hip hop. Again, Jay says it “sucks.”

Alasia gets interpretive dance. She shines in a flowing dress.

Panel time! Special guest judge: the president of Wilhelmina Models. Jessica’s photo goes over OK. Raina’s jazz shot pleases greatly. Anslee’s rhythmic dance does not impress at all. It’s “on the nose again,” Tyra declares.

On to Simone and hip hop. Like Jessica, it’s just A-OK. Tatianna does even worse; she gets one good shot out of luck. But wait! It gets worse! Brenda’s African shot!

Alasia shows up with a terrible outfit, but my God, her photo is genius, floating on air.  Angelea’s and Krista’s photos also get high marks. Alexandra’s neck disappears into her break dancing routine. And Ren’s shot is a total disaster. The shot leads to a conversation about whether Ren is really qualified to work in this business, and whether she really wants to stay in the competition. She opts to stay.

The callout: Alasia, Octomom, Jessica, Alexandra, Krista, Raina, Tatianna, Simone, Anslee. The bottom two: Brenda and Ren. When the bottom two are called forward, Ren essentially says she’s there only to impress her mom. Good thing; Brenda is the one to stay. The judges indicate that Brenda will also get another makeover, which she needs.

Bye Ren. I mean Rain. I mean Ren. Oh, would you look at that. She left, and it’s 9 p.m., and the sun just came out.

Next week, looks like the girls get a vampire shoot. Was wondering how long it would take for Tyra to jump on that trend.