Jack Bauer doesn’t stop for the Winter Olympics, people. Nope, “24” just keeps on chugging along, pairs figure skating and biathlons be damned. Despite my Valentine’s Day wish, the Dana/Kevin plot inexplicably continued this week, more torturous than anything experienced by Jack in Sergi’s basement. Let’s find out what happened this week, shall we?
[Full recap of Monday's (Feb. 15) "24" after the break...]
Dana calls Kevin, who is at a strip club. You stay classy, Kevin! “Why you gotta focus on the negative?” he says. Because I have to recap the entire episode, that’s why. I’d love to skip your part in this show, but I can’t. When Dana asks him to return her key now that their heist is over, he tells her that he’s not through with her yet. Dana is literally the only person in America surprised by this revelation. Nick gets on the phone and repeats Kevin’s message in a way for too inappropriate for me to relay here, and that even gives Kevin a bit of a pause about the entire operation. Well, on the plus side, neither asked Dana to come down and give them a lap dance. So, um, bonus?
Arlo interrupts Dana in the hallway and confronts her about Kevin. She’s surprised to realize he knows her ex’s name. He thinks she’s having an affair, and while he’s fine with her doing so (especially since it increases his own chance, in his mind, of tappin’ dat), Arlo suggests she get her head back in the game now that Jack’s been kidnapped. In the field, Cole has already found Jack’s phone outside the sewer vent, but the trail is cold after that.
As Sergi cuts fresh veggies, his men bring a bagged Jack into the basement of his club. Sergi is curious how Jack knows about the fuel rods. Does he do this via sweet nothings whispered into Bauer’s ears? Nah, more like brutal interrogation, Jack’s story holds enough water to keep Sergi interested (including references to Farhad), albeit weary of his unknown prospective buyer. Sergi’s worried that he’s never heard of “Ernst Meier” before; Jack insists that’s just because he’s good at what he does. When Jack refuses to give up the names of his employers, Sergi leaves to allow his men to question Jack with their fists. Did I say fists? I meant car batteries.
At CTU, Hastings briefs President Taylor about Jack’s abduction. He informs her that the chances to retrieve the nuclear material is almost none without finding Jack. Renee soon arrives in tow with Cole. She’s besides herself with grief over Jack’s capture. But Hastings is too angry with Renee’s killing of Vlad to answer her questions about his whereabouts, insisting that Chloe will be taking her statement. Ah, the two women that love Jack more than anyone else in the same room. Chloe empathizes with her grief, but insists she has to write the statement before anything else can happen to save him. And here I thought they’d both talk about how great he smells while on the job.
Back in the club’s kitchen, Josef confirms that he’s buried his brother in the back alley, handing over Olef’s confirmation necklace to his father. Sergi insists that Josef keep it, and tells him about Jack’s story along with how his insertion into the buy has put their sale on hold. They agree to relay the information to Farhad together.
Hey, Farhad’s back onscreen! Looks like his epic tryst with the Russian prostitutes is finally over. He discusses his brother’s crackdown efforts with his buyer, with the latter noting that their resistance will not be capable to produce nuclear weapons at the rate President Hassan is mowing through their movement back home. Farhad is further inflamed when Sergi tells him of the second buyer downstairs and the delay in the sale. Josef puts a gun to Farhad’s head when he gets out of line, which pleases Sergi greatly. Looks like Josef’s back in the family fold. Cough. Cough. Sorry, something stuck in my throat there.
With Cole now back at CTU, Dana asks him to speak privately. Oh please oh please ask him to snipe those two jerks at the strip club. He’s really good at sniping! It’s also the only thing I know about his character 8 hours into this season, so it’s the only decent piece of advice I can offer at this point. Cole thinks she’s calling off the engagement. She says that there are things about her past that she hasn’t told him. He replies that he’s certainly not told her everything, either. Oh God, they’re going the vague route. This plot continues. I need a drink.
Back in the Basement of Turnips and Torture, Jack’s really wishing he’d just flown back to L.A. with Kim. He’s got a large wound on his stomach, sweat dripping down his body, and he’s never looked hotter. (I’m just guessing this is what the script says at this point.) Jack pretends to pass out from the pain, which is silly: Jack doesn’t pass out from pain! Pain passes out from Jack! He manages to electrocute Sergi’s interrogator and does his best “Splinter Cell” impression by rappelling along the pipes in the room towards freedom.
Kayla Hassan visits her father’s hotel room, still fuming about his imprisonment of Tarin. She can’t understand why her father did so, and drops the bomb about the two having dated for the past year behind her father’s back. Oh yea, that will totally help Hassan’s trust issues. Kayla gives as good as she gets, reminding her father of his affair with the journalist. Hassan doesn’t appreciate the pot calling the kettle black, and forbids Kayla from ever seeing Tarin again. “What’s happening to you?” she asks, and I agree: something IS happening. His hair looks totally off, which is clearly removing his Samson-like power.
As Sergi’s henchman recovers on the floor, Jack finally manages to pull a pipe from the ceiling, allowing him to break the neck of his would-be assailant. He’s really, really spry for having just been tortured for a half-hour. I think he regenerates faster than Wolverine. Barefooted and bloody, he stealthily moves into the kitchen, where he overhears snippets of Sergi’s plan to sell the rods. To facilitate his escape, Jack turns off the power to the building. Oh, there are about to be a lot of dead Russians in this club. Jack kills one, steals his phone, calls Chloe, and tells her to trace the call so backup can arrive.
Up the stairs he goes, where he engages in a gunfight with Sergi and his men. I want to make a “The flowers are still standing!” joke as Sergi takes out nearly every table in his club in order to shoot Jack, but I won’t. In surprising Sergi, Jack manages to knock him out. Info from CTU flows into Jack’s phone, allowing him to do a little interrogating of his own on Sergi. He’s working the velvet pretty hard to ascertain the location of the fuel rods. Sergi wants full immunity for Josef and himself in exchange for information about them.
Jack’s pessimistic about that possibility, but phones in the offer to CTU. Learning that Hastings is on call with President Taylor, he asks to be patched in. Sadly, the three don’t do the Bud Light “WHASSSSUUUUP?” exchange, which would have been more entertaining than anything else this hour so far. He informs the two of Sergi’s offer, which is meant with all-around skepticism. No one seems to like the deal, but no one has a better idea of how to quickly obtain the location of the rods. Worried that prolonging the interrogation would completely undue the accord with Hassan, Taylor authorizes the immunity deal for both men.
Cole, feeling the sting of jealousy, confronts Arlo before heading out. Arlo tells him of his suspicions about Dana’s affair. Cole’s not buying it, but Arlo shows him surveillance footage of her and Kevin outside CTU earlier in the day, including shots of near smoochies. Cole and his bad New York accent are rattled, and asks Arlo to use CTU resources to track them while he’s out on mission. After all, not nearly enough resources at CTU have been used for personal reasons today. At this point, I’m prepared to think Chloe’s just been playing Farmville all day.
Turns out Dana’s in the strip club, spying on Kevin throwing away his hard-earned stolen money on someone named “Bunni” or “Laci” or some stage name that ends in an “i”. Cole tries to reach her before leaving to meet the truck with the rods, but is unsuccessful. He’s too distracted to think anything of the CTU agent who somehow doesn’t know how to put on his uniform. Hmmm.
Hastings notes that while Sergi made a deal, they can’t rely on his men to simply roll over upon CTU’s arrival on the scene. The helicopter lands at the location, with Mr. I Can’t Tie My Own Shoelaces looking extra suspicious at this point. Cole and Co. open the truck to find the men inside dead and the materials already missing. On the inside of the door? A familiar looking necklace. Sergi is shocked by the news. Upon hearing the necklace’s description via speakerphone, he realizes that his son Josef is the one behind the attack on the truck. Elsewhere in the city, Josef calls Farhad, telling him to have his money ready: he’ll be there in five minutes. Or, in our time, 167 hours and 5 minutes. But who’s counting?
Did you see Josef’s betrayal coming a mile away? Two miles? Has the show completely desensitized you to its brutal torture scenes? And what’s your over/under on Dana’s storyline lasting? Leave your comments below!