Steve Martin gives Eddie Murphy some blunt Oscars hosting advice
Eddie Murphy has five months to go before his inaugural gig hosting the 84th Academy Awards (assuming he doesn't get cold feet along the way). The publicity-shy comedy icon hasn't asked for any advice from former hosts, but that didn't stop his old buddy Steve Martin from chiming in today.
Martin, who hosted twice on his own and co-hosted with Alec Baldwin in 2010, made his advice available to the public on his official site this morning. He made some interesting and pointed suggestions. And, um, perhaps let out some of his own frustrations. So, between the jokes, what did Steve Martin really mean?
"Whatever you do, don't have a co-host. They're a big pain and they just end up breaking your SNL hosting record."*
*That's you Alec Baldwin. We're still convinced either gent would have been better on their own, but we're hoping they're still friends. Hathaway and Franco? Debatable.
"Start slimming down now. You looked kinda paunch in NORBIT."*
*Be careful Steve. You don't want to start seeming old school like your old buddy Billy Crystal. This joke would have been ancient when you hosted two years ago.
"People always say it's a disgrace that neither you nor I have ever won an Oscar, but they're just being correct."*
*This won't endear you to the lifetime achievement committee.
"The losers can feel very sad, so when you're backstage with them, pat their backs, then shake your head sadly. It's a blast!"*
"Fortunately, only you and I can get away with smuggling out an Oscar in our pants."
"Remember to relax and have a good time while 12,000 livebloggers rip you to shreds."*
*More like 100 million viewers on Facebook and Twitter.
"The accounts that certify the voting? Same chad counters from Florida."*
*Hmmm. Would you be alluding to any of the surprise upsets during your hosting years? Did "Avatar" really win in 2009? Don't tease us!
"If you think the show is running long, you're probably thinking of 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005, 2004, or any shows in the '90s."*
*So, basically, it doesn't matter if it goes over. Unless you're ABC which means it really doesn't matter to the Academy (your real boss).
"If you feel tired midway through, give Neil Patrick Harris a Red Bull and throw some sheet music at him."*
*OK, if Martin is referencing Harris when will the Academy realize he's more than capable of hosting the show? Jon Stewart, Ellen DeGeneres, David Letterman, Chris Rock (sorry Chris) and Johnny Carson were not movie people and were hosts. Why can't Harris?
"Eddie, since you and I are old friends, I sincerely thought you deserved an Oscar nomination for BOWFINGER, the movie we did together that stands alone in comedy history, from which we get no credit or acknowledgment except large paychecks and drivers and any type of food we wanted delivered to us every day in our really nice trailers, I wish you all the best on your Oscar hosting gig."*
*Something tells us Billy Crystal isn't as thrilled that Murphy got the job over for him. Just sayin'.
The 84th Academy Awards are broadcast live on ABC on Feb. 26, 2012. Five months and five days to go.
For year round entertainment commentary and awards season news follow Gregory Ellwood on Twitter @HitFixGregory.
2007 | Comedy | PGSummary: Newlyweds Nick (Ice Cube) and Suzanne (Long) decide to move to the suburbs to provide a better life for their two kids. But their idea of a dream home is disturbed by a contractor (McGinley) with a bizarre approach to business.Director: Steve Carr
Cast: John C. McGinley, Ice Cube, Nia Long, Aleisha Allen
2013 | Thriller | RSummary: Based on the true story of Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) a Miami bodybuilder who wants to live the American dream. He would like to have the money that other people have. So he enlists the help of fellow bodybuilder Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and ex-convict, Christian bodybuilder Paul Doyle (D...Director: Michael Bay
Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Dwayne Johnson, Anthony Mackie, Tony Shalhoub
2008 | Science Fiction | PGSummary: Animated series continues the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker as they battle the Emperor Palpatine, Count Dooku and General Grievous, but also takes time to explore other smaller characters in the Star Wars universe.Director: George Lucas (creator)
Cast: Tom Kane, Dee Bradley Baker, Matt Lanter
1996 | Crime | RSummary: Jerry, a small-town Minnesota car salesman is bursting at the seams with debt... but he's got a plan. He's going to hire two thugs to kidnap his wife in a scheme to collect a hefty ransom from his wealthy father-in-law. It's going to be a snap and nobody's going to get hurt... until people start ...Director: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen
Cast: William H. Macy, Frances McDormand, Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare
2013 | Comedy | NRSummary: Insanely funny comedy show created by Amy Schumer, who stars in brilliantly funny sketches about sex, city living, dating, and friendship.Director: Daniel Powell, Amy Schumer (creators)
Cast: Amy Schumer, Kevin Kane, Mike Houston
2013 | Drama | RSummary: Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill have boundless energy in the story of a real-life commodities crook who earned millions through scummy small-time stock trades.Director: Martin Scorsese
Cast: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Margot Robbie
1997 | Crime | RSummary: Quentin Tarantino adaptats an Elmore Leonard novel into this story of a few increasingly desperate people scraping to get by. It has deep soul, a wicked sense of humor, and Samuel L. Jackson, Robert De Niro, Pam Grier, and Robert Forster.Director: Quentin Tarantino
Cast: Pam Grier, Samuel L. Jackson, Robert Forster
1995 | Mystery | NRSummary: Denzel Washington plays an out of work WWII vet who takes the wrong job and is soon neck-deep in a mess of politics, murder, and jazz in '40s Los Angeles.Director: Carl Franklin
Cast: Denzel Washington, Tom Sizemore, Jennifer Beals
1993 | Sports | PGSummary: Emotionally powerful sports classic featuring Sean Astin as a skinny high school kid with big football dreams and the determination to make his way towards his dream team at Notre Dame.Director: David Anspaugh
Cast: Sean Astin, Jon Favreau, Ned Beatty
Let Streaming Genie help you.