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“We Can’t Stop,” Miley Cyrus’s new single, never really starts.
[More after the jump...]
The tune, which will be featured on Cyrus’s RCA Records debut this fall, is like a 3 A.M., zoned-out version of the far superior “Party In The USA.” Everyone is tanked out of their minds, but they won’t, or can’t, find their way home.
Co-written by Cyrus, Mike Will and Rock City, it is a slow-jamming ode to partying that never gets out of first gear. It’s offers an insinuating start with a hypnotic groove, but then has nowhere to go. It’s like the guest who won’t leave the kitchen.
Cyrus seems to continually shout out from the roof top that she is GROWN UP and in the world where grown up means flashing side boob, singing about getting high with Snoop Lion/Dogg, and posing naughtily for V magazine, she has convinced us. However, in the world where talent matters, she’s got a far way to go and that’s a shame because she has a fine voice.
The bigger sin against “We Can’t Stop” isn’t that Cyrus seems to want to party all the time, it’s that the song is so lazy in its attempts to show that. You don’t have to be adult to write lines like this— “We like to par-tee/dancing with Mi-ley, this is our house, this is our rules.” — a six-year old could have written that.
But our favorite lyrical transgression is where Cyrus praises the girl with the junk in the trunk for shaking what her mama gave her as if she’s in a strip club. Get on that pole, girl, and remember, only God can judge you. You go!! In case you don’t want to listen below: “To my home girls here with the big butt, shaking it like we at the strip club remember only god can judge you forget the haters cos somebody loves ya.”
That’s followed by a line that I’m taking as a big coke reference, but I’m hoping I’m not hearing it right: “Everyone in the line for the bathroom trying to get a line in the bathroom, we are so turned up here, getting turned up yeah, yeah.” If it is, it’s not that big a surprise, since Cyrus hasn’t flaunted her drug use like Rihanna, but she’s not hiding anything.
If Cyrus wants to go the trashy party girl Ke$ha route, that’s her prerogative, but could she at least be a little more creative about it?
"The Wire's" Dominic West will have an "Affair" on Showtime
"The Affair" will feature the British actor as a "good husband" who suddenly finds himself cheating on his wife with a women whom he thinks is his soulmate.
Alyssa Milano to host "Project Runway: All Stars"
The "Mistresses" star will host the 3rd season of the "Project Runway" spinoff.
Will Ferrell's "Spoils of Babylon" will feature Kristen Wiig, Jessica Alba, Tobey Maguire
The IFC parody of TV miniseries will also star Michael Sheen, Val Kilmer, Haley Joel Osment and Tim Robbins.
"Glee's" Charice comes out
The Filipina pop star, who played Sunshine Corazon, has revealed that she's a lesbian.
"Arrested Development" fan creates a chronological version of the Netflix season
At least two different fans have been putting the shows together in sequence.
Starz greenlights "Outlander" from "Battlestar's" Ron Moore
The romantic time travel series is based on the books by author Diana Gabaldon.
History channel orders "God, Guns & Automobiles" starring radio DJ Mancow
Eric "Mancow" Muller and his brother will star in a reality show about their "throwback auto dealership."
A review of last night's "Mad Men" coming up just as soon as I'm Vasco da Gama and you're some other Mexican...
George R.R. Martin explains the "Game of Thrones" shocker
"I knew it almost from the beginning," he says of the developments in "The Rains of Castamere." "Not the first day, but very soon. I've said in many interviews that I like my fiction to be unpredictable. I like there to be considerable suspense." He adds: "That was the hardest scene I’ve ever had to write. It’s two-thirds of the way through the book, but I skipped over it when I came to it. So the entire book was done and there was still that one chapter left. Then I wrote it." PLUS: The final scene was impeccably well-constructed, the ending will be hard to forget, the episode went too far, congrats if you were unspoiled, "Thrones" characters get 90s makeovers, the scene took 1 week to film, and Richard Madden and Michelle Fairley discuss the episode.
"The Sopranos" named the No. 1 best-written TV show of all time, "Seinfeld" No. 2
The Writers Guild of America's list of the "101 Best Written TV Series of All Time" also includes No. 7 "Mad Men," No. 9 "The Wire," No. 10 "The West Wing," No. 11 "The Simpsons," No. 12 "I Love Lucy" and No. 13 "Breaking Bad."
"All in the Family's" Jean Stapleton: An appreciation
Stapleton's Edith Bunker on "All in the Family" was truly different, says Neil Genzlinger. "What set Ms. Stapleton's work in the show apart was her ability to create a character who was not imprisoned by her own daffiness," he explains. "There have been plenty of female airheads on television: bikinied bimbos, empty-headed housewives, batty old broads. But only a few have been able to make the kinds of transitions from the comic to the dramatic that were asked of Ms. Stapleton in 'All in the Family.'" PLUS: Edith Bunker was no doormat.
"Community" stars may be responsible for Dan Harmon's return
In his tweet announcing his return, Harmon thanked Joel McHale -- which, says Alan Sepinwall, "squares with what I've heard from people close to the show: several of the castmembers weren't happy with the season 4 scripts and pushed Sony for Harmon's return."
Could the Rolling Stones end up on "Downton Abbey"?
Hugh Bonneville has been pitching a cameo for Mick Jagger and his legendary bandmates, who are huge "Downton" fans: "Obviously they wouldn't play themselves, but they could be a rag-tag bunch of traveling entertainers or even a circus act."
Discovery pays tribute to its fallen "Storm Chasers"
Sunday's "Mile Wide Tornado: Oklahoma Disaster" was dedicated to Tim Samaras and Carl Young, who perished Friday during the 2nd tornado to strike Oklahoma in as many weeks. PLUS: 12 days ago, Samaras talked about chasing the first Oklahoma tornado.
Jay Leno victorious in his final May sweeps
"The Tonight Show" topped David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel in total viewers and the key 18-49 demo.
What happened to Jimmy Fallon's hand?
The "Late Night" star's left hand is heavily bandaged up.
49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh to make a cameo on today's "Judge Judy"
Harbaugh is such a huge "Judge Judy" fan -- she taught him to never tell a lie -- that he's appeared in local commercials promoting her show.
"The Newsroom" releases its "Desert Promo"
Check out the latest glimpse from Season 2.
Oprah's "Voice" special: She asks Carson Daly about the lack of breakout stars
Daly's response: "Oprah, when did the endgame become success? And what does it mean to be successful? What does it mean to be a breakout star?"
"Blue Bloods" promotes Marisa Ramirez as Jennifer Esposito's replacement
She'll become a series regular next season.
See Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers hanging out in real life
The former "SNL" Weekend Update duo were spotted grabbing coffee in NYC on Sunday.
Who should replace Matt Smith on "Doctor Who"?
How about somebody not white and/or male? PLUS: Jenna-Louise Coleman pays tribute to "very special friend" Smith, and bookies offer odds on Smith's replacement.
Kim Kardashian is expecting a girl
"Keeping Up With the Kardashians" revealed her upcoming baby's gender.
Heidi Klum celebrates 40 years
The "Project Runway"/"America's Got Talent" star celebrated entering her 40s with a hat-themed party.
A review of tonight's "Game of Thrones" coming up just as soon as I can always tell what's going on beneath a dress...
The season premiere of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" revolves around two crisis situations: Hurricane Sandy and a kids' playdate. Of course, the latter is the bigger deal. Yeah, people lost power and their houses and even the housewives themselves had the furniture in their second homes, like, totally ruined. But the playdate involved Melissa and Teresa having to sit in the same room and pretend that they didn't hate each other for the sake of their kids and a Bravo camera crew. Needless to say, the possibility for destruction was much higher.
"The Killing" returned from the dead tonight on AMC with another two-hour premiere. I published my review earlier in the week. Now it's your turn. For those of you who came back tonight, what did you think? Did it feel like Veena Sud and company learned anything from the problems of seasons 1 and 2? Or did it feel like she just embraced the serial killer zeitgeist to spruce up the show? Were you shocked to see the expression on Linden's face in her introductory scene? Did you like the stuff with Peter Sarsgaard at the prison? The teen runaways in the Jungle? Holder in a suit? And will you watch again?
Have at it.
Last night, "Orphan Black" wrapped up what turned out to be a terrific first season on BBC America. Liane Bonin Starr has been covering the series for us for a while (here's her take on the finale), but I caught up just in time for some thoughts of my own (on the finale and the season), coming up just as soon as I throw your felt Christmas angel in the garbage disposal...
Oklahoma tornado kills 2 Discovery Channel "Storm Chasers"
Discovery Channel stars Tim Samaras and Carl Young, along with Samaras' son Paul, reportedly died while chasing Friday night's tornado. Tim's brother, Jim Samaras, wrote on Facebook: "They all unfortunately passed away but doing what they LOVED."
"All in the Family's" Jean Stapleton remembered by Norman Lear, Rob Reiner
Said Lear in a statement: "No one gave more profound 'How to be a Human Being' lessons than Jean Stapleton. Goodbye Edith, darling."
"Idol" alums Diana Degarmo and Ace Young get married
The Season 3 and Season 5 stars tied the knot Saturday in Hollywood. (See the photo)
USA decides against saving "Happy Endings"
The comedy's low ABC ratings was a big factor as USA execs were not willing to make a large investment in marketing and promotion.
Gay man who sued the voice of Elmo was allegedly attacked in NYC
Five men were taken into custody for allegedly assaulting Kevin Kiadii, who made headlines in April when he filed a federal lawsuit against Kevin Clash.
Lake Bell weds tattoo artist she met on "How to Make It in America"
Her new husband, Scott Campbell, played himself on the HBO series.