We all know why we watch "Big Brother" -- to explore the dramatic possibilities of chicken wire.
Considering Sunday's nomination episode spent, oh, 40 minutes finishing up the chicken wire game from Thursday, we had no choice but to stare at that damn mesh and fall in love with it. The chicken wire got so much screentime that it is already a more compelling character than Victoria. I believe chicken wire could survive until at least week five. Week six if it stays on Caleb's good side.
The long challenge resulted in HOH grabs for Cody, who respectively nominated Victoria and Brittany, and Frankie, who threw up Jocasta (one of "the fiercest persons" he knows) and Amber. Her nomination had something to do with a lame-ass America's Game challenge that I'll discuss in a minute, but the bottom line is the nominations were both unsurprising and fine. Later, Amber and Jocasta won a chess-themed Battle of the Block challenge that was similarly dull. (L-shaped knight movements? BAD-ASS!) It appears that two of our most beleaguered players, Brittany and Victoria, may be headed for a stern exit interview with Julie "Yes, Frankie, You Look Fierce Too" Chen.
This was a placid episode with some spicy moments of dialogue, including a beautiful promise from Zach to Frankie ("Yes, I will bang you!") and an eye-popping moment of grace and mystery from Jocasta. We'll get to that in a moment.
But for now, here are five important notes I have about this episode and the season as a whole. It's time to call out some surly houseguests.
1. Brittany just said the most unlikable thing of the whole season.
You know, I want to love Brittany. She rolls her eyes at a lot of the right people. Her social game isn't great, but she did once eke her way out of elimination by telling Devin, "As a mother? I have to win this petty game show." In a pinch, she's a player. Or she was. But now that she's back on the block and apparently sore about it, she's hit a wall and just said my least favorite quote of the season to co-HOH Cody. Ahem:
"I really don't care anymore to be honest. Yesterday was like my last day of caring. I don't why. I'm just kind of over it. I can't deal with the fakeness and, like, the lies and the bullsh*t. Maybe I'm just too old for all of it. I don't know. It's just exhausting."
I can understand feeling defeated after you've saved yourself from elimination only to find that you're back on the chopping block. Sure. But nothing is worse than a "Big Brother" player who announces that he/she is better than "Big Brother." It reminds me of people who criticize Ke$ha for being trashy; trashiness is the point. Juvenile pettiness is the point of "Big Brother," and if you tire quickly of deceit, you're pretty dumb for signing up to be on the show. Get in the game, "old girl."
2. Cody's feelings about Zac Efron are secretly a beautiful poem.
Here is a sweet poem by Cody, who talked about how much he loves Zac Efron. It is entitled "Zac!: By Cody."
He is the man.
My man crush
I decided the second I saw him
Zac Efron is the man.
This guy's probably got
The most swag.
He's completely shredded
He's just probably a baller
On all sorts of levels.
A lot of people might think
Zac Efron is soft.
He was in High School Musical. Then he was in Hairspray.
But I'm going to be honest --
If you've seen him recently
And you run into this guy's chest
You might shatter
Into a million pieces.
3. It's depressing when Team America challenges interfere with nominations.
Was anyone else bummed to realize that the Team America prompt affected nominations? Frankie, Derrick, and Donny were tasked with getting a player who is deemed "a physical threat" nominated for eviction. Oh, come on! Is that really a thrilling task? Shouldn't the Team America challenges be more outrageous and difficult, like, "Make Caleb realize he is a horrifying predator" or "Get Victoria to utter a sentence with more than four words in it"? I hate that players are given petty rewards for essentially taking a viable game strategy and running with it. That's what they should be doing anyway.
4. Christine is playing the best game.
Christine acknowledged it herself: By being in the right place at the right time, she has found herself in two different dominating alliances, first the Bomb Squad, and now a smaller Bomb Squad called (ugh) The Detonators. That's pretty great for her! She can chalk it up to luck, but the fact that her housemates are comfortable sharing power with her means that she's considered valuable. Now, it's possible that her unassuming niceness will become suspicious, particularly when you remember Shelly's exit on BB13, but it really seems like there are scores of hotheaded "threats" who will be eliminated well before her. Plus, I just like this girl. Easily the coolest and least headache-inducing member of the household (until Zingbot arrives).
5. Jocasta is filled with ghosts.
Jocasta may be a shrieking ghoul outfitted by Brooks Brothers, but she is the best shrieking ghoul outfitted by Brooks Brothers I've ever seen. Here she is realizing that she and Amber have won the Battle of the Block chess challenge.
That is right. She is speaking in tongues. The Holy Ghost is interacting with the other ghosts in Jocasta's body, and they are all waltzing and screaming and breakdancing together. You'll recall when Donny took Jocasta off the block, she reacted this way:
She is a pile of ghosts.