Cannes Film Festival 2013

Watch: The Governator packs some heat in 'Expendables 2' teaser trailer

Guns don't kill people Arnold Schwarzenegger does

  • Critic's Rating A-
  • Readers' Rating B+
Watch: The Governator packs some heat in 'Expendables 2' teaser trailer
Credit: Lions Gate Films

Having grossed over three times its reported production budget worldwide, you just knew there was going to be a sequel to writer/director/star Sylvester Stallone's 2010 action film "The Expendables" - and now the first official teaser trailer for the Simon West-directed follow-up has hit the web.

Of course, this time around we have the pleasure (?) of seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger (who as California Governator was still too busy cozying up to corporate special interests to make more than a brief cameo appearance in the first film) in an expanded role, with our first glimpse of the "Junior" star in the teaser showing him exactly the way we like him - as a pregnant man. Err, shooting a big gun.

"Barney Ross. You made me a deal. I could've put you in the deepest, darkest hole, but I kept you around, because I knew that one day would come when you were gonna pay me back. Today's that day," intones Bruce Willis to Stallone at the very beginning of the spot, before the film's laundry list of '80s and '90s action-movie icons (Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Willis), second-tier '80s and '90s action-movie icons (Norris, Van Damme, Lundgren), Wikipedia-worthy head-scratchers (Terry Crews, Randy Couture), Jason Statham, and one hot young up-and-comer (Liam Hemsworth) flash across the screen in a barrage of tough-guy poses. 

Look, I'd be lying if I said the trailer wasn't effective - even after the middling-to-terrible first installment, the idea of putting all these guys in the same movie still possesses a sort of magnetic appeal - and while it doesn't give us much in the way of plot details, that's not really the goal of a teaser anyway. As such, I'm gonna go ahead and stamp an "A-" grade on this bad boy and call it a night.

After watching the full teaser below, rate it for yourself at top left!

"The Expendables 2" is slated for release on August 17, 2012.
 

Chris-eggertsen-sm
A former contributor to sites including Bloody-Disgusting and AfterElton, Eggertsen enjoys rock music, rainy days and smelling the pages of old books. You should read all of his articles and follow him on Twitter because it's the right thing to do.

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  • Default-avatar

    Matt C.

    Hey, D-bag, we get it, you don't like Arnold.

    It'd be nice to read a review of a stupid teaser trailer without gaining any incite into your political ideology (which I'm oh-so-sure is insightful and well-informed), or your sophomoric attempts at clever wit ("The star of 'Junior'...).

    Are you an AICN Talkbacker who somehow got to sit at the grown-up's table? Because you sure write like one.

    You're fortunate to write for HitFix about film. Save that other crap for HuffingtonPost and your own time, please.

    December 15, 2011 at 12:38AM EST Reply to Comment
    • Gutter_queer_profile_photo_talkback_profile

      ceggertsen Calling me a "D-bag" is pretty childish and disrespectful, Matt C., and far worse then me taking a light jab at someone's politics. I will never understand why commenters like you come on sites like HitFix to personally attack writers whose opinions happen to differ from yours. I'm all for an engaging debate, but spouting this kind of vitriol is completely uncalled for.

      December 15, 2011 at 1:25AM EST
    • I think it's perfectly acceptable, even logical, for a journalist covering a movie that spotlights 80s stars to mention how weird things have been for some of them.

      As for attacking someone as an AICN talkbacker who got lost...well, you're doing a fine job of that. First thing you do is question his qualification, but then again you did refrain from FIRST!!

      December 15, 2011 at 1:50AM EST
  • Default-avatar

    this guy is terrible

    this reviewer is terrible. can't you guys hire someone better? Matt C - you nailed it.

    December 15, 2011 at 12:44AM EST Reply to Comment
  • Default-avatar

    Temmink

    To be fair, this news item did seem really out of place on Hitfix. Making snarky remarks constantly isn't 'injecting personality' into what would otherwise be a reworded press release. Dedicating more than a quarter of the words to what are fairly lazy jokes just doesn't read as professional and smacks of trying to make the story about you rather than the trailer. I would suggest you tone it down a bit for the next one and save it for an actual editorial piece.

    December 15, 2011 at 1:58AM EST Reply to Comment
    • Gutter_queer_profile_photo_talkback_profile

      ceggertsen I am not a press release re-worder, I'm a writer on a website that strives to inform as well as entertain. In addition, this is not a straight news piece; when we post trailers we're supposed to give our opinion, hence the grade I assigned to the video. In that sense it actually is an editorial piece. If you think my jokes are lazy, it's totally your right to say so. I just wanted to correct the mischaracterization of this as a news article, because that's not really what it is.

      December 15, 2011 at 3:15AM EST
    • Default-avatar

      Fred Johnson Uh, Chris, don't keep defending yourself, it makes you look kinda desperate. There will always be complaints - which you seem to take way too seriously.

      December 15, 2011 at 3:50AM EST
    • Gutter_queer_profile_photo_talkback_profile

      ceggertsen I was responding to comments on an article I wrote in a totally legitimate and rational way. I wouldn't call that "desperate".

      December 15, 2011 at 9:50PM EST
  • 15665-adventure-time-with-finn-and-jake-the-eyes_talkback_profile

    NaughtyBearJew

    why are you guys mad he gave a A-, stop bitchin'. Although I disagree with your opinion i respect it and after all you gave us the trailer so people need to chill out.

    December 15, 2011 at 2:04AM EST Reply to Comment
  • Default-avatar

    VyceVictus

    It's funny: If you're the 18-34 year oldmale target audience for this movie, I wouldnt consider Crews and Couture wikipedia worthy, but more like "oh shit that big black guy in those funny movies and commercials" and "that old UFC champion guy".

    December 15, 2011 at 9:48PM EST Reply to Comment
  • Default-avatar

    VyceVictus

    It's funny: If you're the 18-34 year oldmale target audience for this movie, I wouldnt consider Crews and Couture wikipedia worthy, but more like "oh shit that big black guy in those funny movies and commercials" and "that old UFC champion guy".Write a comment...

    December 15, 2011 at 9:48PM EST Reply to Comment

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