In their ongoing campaign to turn "Immortals" into the next "300", Relativity Media has released eight new clips for the upcoming mythological action film featuring a bevy of beefed-up male stars in various states of stunningly macho undress.
Clip #1 has Zeus (Luke Evans) taking out his pent-up aggression on some poor guy in a spiky gold helmet, which seems a little harsh. I mean who does he think he is, the Father of gods and men or something?
In Clip #2, the villainous King Hyperion (a scarred-up Mickey Rourke) looms in the shadows as he confronts a young, incredibly good-looking traitor with great hair.
Theseus emasculates the hell out of Hyperion in this next clip, in which Rourke appears to be wearing some type of ancient gas mask.
Get ready for lots of studly, guttural snarling in Clip #4 as Theseus (Henry Cavill) and a masked Hyperion engage in a little no-holds-barred hand-to-hand combat. Because that's what real men do. In skirts.
Fresh from a good ol' fashioned bronzing and leg wax, Theseus bellows in a really, really deep voice so as to assure his soldiers that he isn't at all gay just before leading them into battle in Clip #5.
Kellan Lutz took some time off from filming "Twilight" sequels and running shirtless on the beach in Malibu to shoot this action-packed scene, in which his character Poseidon creates an enormous tsunami through the power of his perfectly chiseled physique - all in a seeming attempt to kill his son Theseus and a bunch of other people, including the girl from "Slumdog Millionaire". A tanner Theseus must then outrun the giant wave, which involves him jumping through the air and being all like, "AAAHHH!!"
In Clip #7 Theseus is attacked by the Minotaur, played by 6'10" professional wrestler Robert Maillet. The Minotaur attempts to kill the square-jawed hero by swinging around a big club, which is in no way a metaphor for this movie.
"What is he holding?" asks one man to another in this final clip, and then the other guy goes "the bow", meaning the Epirus Bow, the most powerful freaking magical bow in the entire universe, and then Hyperion lifts the bow and shoots an enchanted arrow made out of light into the castle, and then everything goes BOOM! and stuff starts to explode!
A former contributor to sites including Bloody-Disgusting and AfterElton, Eggertsen enjoys rock music, rainy days and smelling the pages of old books. You should read all of his articles and follow him on Twitter because it's the right thing to do.