Take a drink when:

  • Lady GaGa changes costumes -- change your glass
  • Taylor Swift wins anything -- take a shot, then act surprised you took a shot
  • A country artist  thanks God -- toast to your favorite entity
  • Anyone thanks Rick Rubin or Clive Davis -- drink, then pat yourself on the back
  • Name-checks Haiti -- donate the amount of money you think it cost you to drink
  • Michael Jackson mentions, tributes, memories -- Moon Walk as you drink
  • Any pans that include Taylor Swift and Kanye West in the same sweep -- drink, then swear you won't do it again
  • Camera shots of Kings of Leon -- put on a white Hanes tee and spill some on it
  • Any winners chewing gum, wearing sunglasses as they accept an award -- chew some in solidarity, slap your own sunglasses off in embarrassment
  • Presenters read their lines awkwardly, stilted... at this point, we're just trying to get you drunk
  • Black Eyed Peas anything -- drink, then wish you were dead