Five new clips have been released for "Underworld: Awakening", the upcoming action/horror sequel that sees Kate Beckinsale returning as "Death Dealer" vampire assassin Selene as she wakes up from twelve years in cryogenic suspension to a drastically-altered world. Below I lay out five things I learned from them (that would be one thing for each clip, 'cause I'm good at math). Who knew a Screen Gems movie could be so educational?
1) Even "Underworld" movies have boring dialogue scenes.
This clip, which features Det. Sebastian (Michael Ealy) questioning Dr. Jacob Lane (Stephen Rea) after the escape of Selene (Kate Beckinsale) from her cryogenic prison, has way too much talking. Seriously, where are the monsters and stuff?
2) Brad and Angelina's daughter Shiloh grew up fast!
Oh no, sorry. That's India Eisley, Olivia Hussey's kid. She plays Eve a.k.a. Subject Two, a vampire/lycan hybrid. This scene also has a lot of talking, which hurts my brain.
3) The tagline for this movie should be "Bigger, Faster, Hairier".
I mean, look at that thing! Woah, you guys!
4) Vampires are super-hot.
Why don't David (Theo James) and Selene just become models? Beats running around in the sewer all day.
5) Selene's still got it.
Taking fire, setting off bombs, wearing latex - and here we were worried that all those years in suspended animation had tamed her.
What do you think of the above clips? All things considered, I'll go ahead and rate them a collective "B", because well, why not? Rate them for yourself at top left!
Note: You can follow me on Twitter at @hitfixchris.
"Underworld: Awakening" hits theaters on January 20th.